• Kinect – One of this year’s most popular gifts is the Kinect Sensor with Kinect Adventures! for Xbox360, which has already sold 2.5 million units in less than a month.  If you have a gamer in your house, there are some great websites to help you familiarize yourself with products before and after purchasing them.  I recommend:
  • GetGameSmart.com – Learn to set parental controls
  • PluggedIn.com – Game reviews from Focus on the Family
  • TheOnlineMom.com – Weekly video game reviews written by a “wired” mom
• Tech firms work online programs to keep kids safe – USA Today on Internet Safety for Kids
• Jumo – A Social Networking site aimed at letting users discover and support charitable causes, now in Beta
• Connecting with Youth Via Facebook - A great article for parishes and youth ministers looking to really reach teens with social networking efforts that work and have meaning
• A Parent’s Pledge to Raise a Responsible Digital Citizen – Have you discussed this important part of your role as a parent?

• Facebook Messaging - This week, social networking giant Facebook announced a new messaging platform that will incorporate email, texting, and Facebook messages as they currently exist on the site.  The ramification for parents:  this will allow your child to receive contacts and communications from anyone that they have “friended” on Facebook, and may also let them receive contacts from “friends of friends” and others, depending upon how they configure their privacy settings.  Some teens also have their Facebook linked with mobile devices and could begin receiving even more texts than usual.  We’ll watch this story as it unfolds over the next few months, but — as always — parents need to be very vigilant about their teens’ use of social networking sites and privacy settings.
• Bishops Urged to Embrace Social Media - At this week’s Fall Assembly of the USCCB, Bishop Ronald Herzog of Alexandria, Louisiana, a member of the USCCB Communications Committee delivered an important address urging his brother bishops to embrace the potential of social media.  This doesn’t necessarily mean more “Facebooking” bishops, but hopefully it means that their staffs will receive the funding and policy permissions necessary to effectively utilize social media in ministering to Catholic families.  As parents, we need support and guidance from our spiritual shepherds in forming our children’s consciences around the use of these tools.
• Parents Television Council Report – From the PTC website, news on this newly released look at the prevelance of television programming online: “In a new report, the Parents Television Council™ found that four of the most popular online distributors of commercially-generated video are failing to protect kids from explicit content. PTC’s report, “Untangling the Web of Internet Video” is the most comprehensive on the matter to date and includes Hulu (NBC/Universal, Fox and Disney/ABC), Fancast (Comcast), /Slashcontrol (AOL) and AT&T. Each provider was graded on the effectiveness of its content ratings, homepage content decency, advertiser accountability and parental controls.”  Read the report here.
• Cell Phones and Cancer Risks - The New York Times reported again this week on cell phone manufacturers advising consumers to hold mobile devices at a distance from their head and ears.  Pregnant women are also advised to keep phones away from the abdomen.  Children’s use of these devices should also be limited to avoid radiation exposure.

Check back next Wednesday for our next Tech Notes update and be sure to join me Thursday at 8:50 am ET/5:50 am PT on the Son Rise Morning Show with Brian Patrick.

“Chastity is the sure way to happiness.

This quote by John Paul II brings to light the importance of chastity in our sex-saturated culture. A friend of ours once stated, “It doesn’t matter how well you raise your children.   There are no guarantees they will wait until marriage to have sex.” While this is true, I believe that, as parents, we can stack the odds in our favor and help our college-aged children remain chaste.

Be a good example of chastity Chastity doesn’t end when a person gets married.   Marital chastity is defined as being faithful to one’s spouse and obedient to God’s laws regarding sex in marriage. Our older children have known that we use and teach NFP from the time they were teenagers. Using NFP and abstaining for part of the cycle illustrates to our kids that even in marriage, it doesn’t mean unlimited sex all the time.

Expect much A relative of mine once said, “You can’t expect your boys to wait until marriage to have sex.” Not only do we expect it, we encourage it and we hope for it.  If we assumed that they are going to be sexually active, we would be doing our children a great disservice to say nothing or to encourage them to use contraception.  Continued conversation about the importance of chastity may be awkward, but it is necessary.

Wait to date We have discouraged our sons from dating/courting before college and even within college.  It is important that they develop good, solid friendships with members of the opposite sex and we often remind them that they are not attending a university in order to socialize.

Ongoing communication It is essential to keep the lines of communication open, especially when our children are living away at college.  Before one of our sons went away to college, we purchased an additional cell phone with free calls to our phone and vice versa.  We text and email often, and usually speak at least once a day.

Catholic organizations Neither of our older sons attended Catholic colleges because their chosen majors were not offered at any Catholic schools.  We strongly recommended that they join a faithful Catholic organization on campus.

Catholic media Exposing our young adult children to good Catholic media is essential. We have read Theology of the Body for Beginners (West) and If You Really Loved Me (Evert) with our teenagers.  Our sons enjoy the Everts’ Romance Without Regret DVD as well as The Pure Life and Theology of the Body for Teens on EWTN.  If we’re going to be in the car with our young adult children for more then ten minutes of travel time, we often play a Christopher West CD.

Guardians of the eyes/ears When one of our sons went to college, he followed Jason Evert’s excellent advice to keep a crucifix near his monitor/television to remind him to be chaste on the internet and to resist the temptation to visit immoral websites or watch explicit television shows.

At college, young adults may be exposed to varying kinds of immoral behavior and immodest dressing, especially if they’re living in dorms.  It’s important for our children to realize that many young people have bought into the “sex is for fun” mentality and we need to remind our kids to always show others charity.  At the same time, they ought to understand the importance of standing up for their beliefs and to not give in and follow the immoral behavior.

God’s grace Chastity is not possible without the assistance of God’s grace.  Remaining chaste before marriage is difficult and requires sacrifice.  As our children grow up, family prayer and frequent reception of the sacraments of Penance and Eucharist will help build the foundation of a strong spiritual life.  This, in turn, will strengthen souls to be chaste and help them to resist the many temptations of our culture when they eventually go off to college or move away from home.

Never lose hope What if, despite all this, your child makes the choice to become sexually active?  Our job as parents is to show our children unconditional love, regardless of the choices they make.  Remind them that their behavior affects not only them, but all those around them, especially younger siblings. We pray for our children’s chastity/vocation every day.  Continued communication with young adults is important, no matter how old they are.

Most people know the story of St. Monica and her son, Augustine, who lived with a woman and fathered a child out of wedlock. St. Monica prayed for many years for his conversion, never giving up hope.  Not only did he change, he became a priest and bishop, a great doctor of the church and was eventually declared a saint.

There are no guarantees. However, we can significantly increase the odds that our children will remain chaste throughout college and until marriage by being a good example, expecting much, keeping communication open, exposing them to good Catholic media, reminding them of God’s grace and, as parents, never losing hope.

Copyright 2010 Ellen Gable Hrkach

“Unless the Lord build the house,

they labor in vain who build.

Unless the Lord guard the city,

in vain does the guard keep watch.

It is vain for you to rise early

and put off your rest at night,

To eat bread earned by hard toil—

all this God gives to his beloved in sleep.”

When we reflect on these verses, which are so fitting in every aspect of our lives, they convict us in many ways.

When was the last time you just charged ahead with an idea or plan without considering whether it was God’s plan?  When we do not pay attention or take things to prayer first, we labor in vain, for what good is it if it is not God’s plan?  How often do we toil and work hard and spin our wheels and wonder why it is not working out as we thought it should?  Take care not to labor in vain.  Remember that the Lord builds the house.

And when was the last time you had a full night’s sleep, restful and refreshing?  Could it be that you have been putting off your rest at night because you have forgotten that “God gives to his beloved in sleep?”

God is the greatest giver of all and how easy is our rest when we build with him.  Oh, I’m not saying that things will always come easily to those who do the Lord’s work, but we must remember that when we work alongside the Lord, our work is more fruitful and is not burdensome.  We must trust in the Lord!  Turn to God in all you do—at home, work, or play—when fretting about decisions or worrying about children—and he will show you the way!

Copyright 2010 Janet Cassidy

We started looking at all the lists and tips designed to improve lives while creating a baseline that is usually taken to be the requirement rather than the starting point. It became a game between us. “Twenty minutes of music practice.” I reminded him. “Body mass index.” My son chided. “Speed limits.” (He’s learning to drive). “Tax brackets.” (We were driving to the accountant). “S.A.T. scores.” He winced in anticipation of that that one and we both had a good laugh.

Measuring one’s carbon footprint, one’s body fat, watching a 401K, all of these “pay attention”and “Do this” moments reduces the experience of living to a math equation where you know the needed outcome. The extenuating circumstances for failing to meet the minimum or maximum or desired number become irrelevant. Taken in total, they can make one feel constantly ill at ease. The check list for the day becomes the obligation which becomes the drudgery of constantly being weighed, measured and found wanting.

But it struck me, that in prayer, in loving, there are no limits. We cannot pray too much, nor can we love too much. We cannot pour ourselves out for God enough. Yet we often limit ourselves with God while we abuse the limits of our behavior in every other opportunity. We rush out of mass or come late. We rush through prayers with a mindlessness rather than mindfulness. Could we not stay awake for even an hour? It doesn’t mean we abandon all the good things we must do in a day, (I’d just penciled into my list reading for each of my younger children). Instead, all these tasks which must be done, must be cloaked with a certain permeated attitude and if we’re not feeling it, a joyful mask. We are called to live an unlimited life of love. Sometimes the love is simply dedicated service when it is hard, sometimes love is sheer obedience with all its cost; other times, it is as easy as breathing.

I added into my list, kiss each child good morning and hug them good night. It made my list longer with the dry cleaners and the doctor’s appointment and the paper work, but it is the reason any of those other tasks have any meaning. It’s not that I want to make my life one big syrupy Hallmark moment, it’s that I want the end of my day to include some aspect of the over the top color and joy and beauty of Spring, of God’s whimsy; and moments of love and actions of love are those necessary flourishes for well lived lives. In the end, I told my son the 5-2-1 rule wasn’t so bad or oppressive, he’d still get his time to enjoy facebooking his friends and downloading music, but that limits on all things save love were necessary if we were to live a balanced and healthy and holy lives and gave him a hug.

Copyright 2010 Sherry Antonetti

Harnessing that energy at my age would be remarkable. But would I really want to go back and do it all again? I used to think I wanted to. I longed for a life do-over. To be able to go back with the knowledge that I have now. As youth diminishes, wisdom increases. That’s not a coincidence. And with the wisdom I have been accumulating of late I am sure I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to start over. I’m smarter than I was. A lot smarter. I can step back from situations and not get broiled into circumstances that don’t concern me. I can walk away in my mind – just disassociate. It’s a pretty neat trick actually.

I wouldn’t want to be a young adult these days. And I have four such creatures living under my roof! Lately though I truly have been able to step back to give my sons the needed space to succeed or fail. And I understand why I am able to do that: because I have a life of my own separate from theirs. I’m not “Mommy.” I’m Mom. I’m Maureen. I’m me without four little ones hanging on.

I like it. I’ve written about the niche I’ve carved for myself – my home within my home – my Happy Place upstairs away from the video game fighting and juvenile banter. Maybe this would have occurred earlier had I had girls. I’ve missed that side of life. But I’m not crying over spilled milk; I’m happy for what I am discovering these days.

Every week I buy myself a new bouquet of flowers and choose a vase from my extensive and dusty collection which for years has lain dormant 99.999% of the time. And I put those flowers right in front of me on my desk. They are mine. I’m big into mine right now. I really am. Maybe that sounds selfish, but that’s how I feel. For how many years had my primary concern been my children? 25. That’s right, 25.

Yesterday is a prime example of extracting some time for myself. My day had revolved around my mom and the pre-testing she needed done at the hospital. Returning home my sister-in-law and I noticed my dad’s dilemma. He had had something frozen off his forehead two days earlier. His eyes were red and swollen and he looked miserable. We got him squared away and we left, she to her house and me to mine. But mine is 45 minutes away on a sunny day.

We were just beginning to get the forecasted foot of snow. The temperature hovered right at 32 degrees. All that water on the road was about to turn to ice; it was just a matter of when. “When” happened to be at the exact time I was driving…crawling…toward home. I am not a wimp in the snow. I’ve lived in the Midwest my whole life. I have four-wheel drive. Nothing seemed to matter, except for the fact that I was smart enough to know I had to go 30 MPH if I wanted to get my Jeep and me home in one piece. Oh what a hideous drive! But I arrived safe and sound. Had to spend some time with my hubby even though all I wanted to do was climb to the solitude of my Happy Place.

At 8:30 I finally came up here and I must have subconsciously breathed a huge sigh of relief. I could finally do what I wanted to do, and that was write. I have a column due tomorrow. After about half an hour my son came home with his girlfriend. I went downstairs. I said hi. And I ran right back up for hours. I’m sure hubby thought me crazy and possibly rude. Too bad. Would I have wanted my parents hanging around my boyfriend and me when I was 24? I don’t think so!

I wrote and wrote and wrote. And writing makes me happy. I wish you the courage, because sometimes that’s what it takes, to do something that makes you happy today. The heck with everybody else. Make the time…for you.

Copyright 2010 Maureen Locher

Since November, after my surgery, I spent seven weeks undergoing daily radiation treatments.  At the same time, serious work began on the book I am writing for Catholic Moms.  About the time that I finished radiation, I banished myself to the lovely new library at Fresno State.  Sitting amidst the students there, I spent about a month cranking out word after word, and enjoying the silence and isolation of the library – such a perfect place to work!  It’s funny, when I was in college I spent a great deal of my time in the library, but I was typically looking around to see who else was there!  I also took a lot of coffee breaks!  It’s great to go to a library just for the joy of silence and know you don’t have a test or essay hanging over your head.

Last Wednesday, I finished the final chapter of the first draft of the book.  Now I have to go back and fix all of the problems, which are bolded and noted in red like this! Much work remains to be done before it will be ready to be seen by anyone’s eyes but mine.  As a first time author, I am plagued by self doubt but buoyed with the confidence that I have a wonderful editor.

On the home front, it feels as though we are spending a lot of time these days thinking about college.  The fact is, it makes me both sad and excited.  I’m saddened by the fact that Eric’s race to manhood and independence continues at a crazy pace, leaving his mother to stand by, watching and praying.  He seems more and more on top of his own life every day – I am proud, but not yet ready to let go.  It’s also exciting to spend time with him, exploring his possible options.  I loved college and know that he will too.  Helping him find the right college home will be both fun and challenging.

On the health front, I meet again with my oncologist on Thursday – it seems that they follow you very closely for several months after treatments.  The whole experience is already beginning to turn into a fuzzy half-memory in my mind, replaced by the day in day out joys of life.

I’m hoping to find more time every day to write here on the blog – to share the happiness and tests of my own faith journey with you.  I hope your Spring is off to a wonderful start, that your Lenten season has been fruitful, and that you are as happy as I am today!

Here’s a wonderful little video, shared by my friend Deacon Tom Fox.  Spreading joy is a gift – when I showed this to Adam this morning, I told him that it reminded me of him – but the truth is, so many of you are out there spreading joy in your corners of the world.  Thank you for the joy you spread my way!

Many even make specific promises about their food choices by providing nutritional information guides and even list macronutrient details right on their menus. Such details have been welcomed by millions of consumers who are watching their waist line. Unfortunately, even if you adhere to ordering from these “healthy” menu offerings, you may still find yourself struggling to lose weight.

There may be a legitimate reason for this struggle; it’s been discovered that many of these so-called healthy menus are providing misleading information. A recent Scripps Television Station investigation revealed very disheartening results. The investigation uncovered huge discrepancies.

Both restaurant chains and fast food establishments were tested in the investigation. While some food menu items matched their published nutrition details or came close, others had variances such as twice as many calories or eight times as many fat grams. Yikes! That means while you might have counted that meal you ate out last night as only 500 calories, in reality it might have been a whopping 1,000 calories!

So, if you rely on self-published macronutrients from restaurants, you may be severely sabotaging your diet. Does this mean you must cook every meal you consume, seven days per week? No! This investigation’s evidence is just a reminder that YOU must always take full responsibility for understanding what is going in your mouth.

Rather than relying on caloric and fat information provided by restaurants, just stick with these tips when dining out:

• Start your meal with a salad that ONLY consists of veggies. Have your salad dressing on the side and try to use only 3 to 4 spoonfuls of it on your salad.
• Order your meals steamed, grilled or broiled.
• Avoid items that are fried or sautéed.
• When your server brings your meal to you, ask that half of it already be placed in a to-go bag. Then save that portion for another day.
• Ask that side veggies be steamed with no added butter or sauces.
• Choose beverages without sugar or sugar substitutes. Try water with lemon slices, unsweetened tea or caffeine free coffee.
• Skip the bread bowl.
• Don’t order appetizers in addition to an entrée.
• Share a meal with a friend.
• For sandwiches, ask for whole wheat bread.

Copyright 2009 Lynn Bode

For the past seven weeks, five days a week, I have been making visits to our local Cancer Center.  Every morning, I tried my best to enter the building with a cheerful smile on my face and a good attitude.  Some days, keeping the smile in place was tough as I waded into a waiting room filled with some very ill people.


I don’t know how to describe it exactly, but many of those first days I felt guilty for being there – my diagnosis was so much less severe than so many of them were facing.  Even having a full head of hair made me feel bad some days.  But I quickly came to realization that it was God’s plan for me to walk this particular part of my journey, and that for whatever reason, for those seven weeks, I was exactly where He wanted me to be.

Radiation therapy is “no biggie” compared to the chemotherapy that so many people face during cancer treatment.  Yes, there is some physical discomfort and some fatigue that comes with the process, but for the most part I have been able to maintain my normal activities for the past several weeks.  So every day, along with everything else a wife and mom does, I had therapy time.  Along with the physical aspects of my treatment came mental and spiritual therapeutic benefits as well.

Every day, I was able to hop onto the table with a list of intercessory prayer intentions in my heart and to devote that time to praying for others.  Some days, the time seemed to pass too quickly before I had been able to get through my entire list, but I know that God hears those prayers deep within our hearts and that He had me covered!

I have to say a few words about the angels who work in cancer centers.  Every day, when I entered the building, the receptionist always greeted me with a smile, pausing her work to say hello to me as if that greeting were more important than anything else on her agenda.  The nurses who cared for me so lovingly made the process much less frightening and exhibited so much compassion.  My radiation oncologist always gave me his full attention and carefully listened to me once a week, sharing with me the details of what I could expect next.

But my real heroes were the two professionals, Lynn and Joe, who escorted me to the treatment table each day and administered my therapy with such care and dignity.  I truly feel like God sent me new friends in my life – every day they would ask about my plans for the day and truly listen to me in a way that is increasingly rare in today’s world.  Thirty three times, they helped me to and from treatments and in the process we shared the little bits of information that make up every day life.  When I told Lynn yesterday as I was leaving that I would miss her, it was an understatement.  Her upbeat attitude and true compassion for her patients has left an indelible mark on me.  Thankfully, I talked her into joining Facebook so that we can keep in touch, because I hope to never see her at her place of employment in the future.

I’m sorry this post is very long, but I wanted to share a few reflections with all of you since you have been so supportive of me during this process.  I now know more than ever that the gift of good health is a precious blessing, but also a responsibility.  As before, I would plead with each of you to attend to your own healthcare needs as you would do for your children.  Have a doctor’s appointment and don’t put off your mammograms!  My journey will continue with additional medication and follow up appointments, but the end of a thirty-three segment relay race gives me a good excuse to pause and to celebrate – and you’re invited to the party!

At that moment of my 16.5th treatment, I was officially halfway done with this phase of my little battle with breast cancer.

The moment wasn’t lost on me – it’s been a long three and half weeks.  More so emotionally than physically, but my body is starting to bear some of the tell tale marks of my therapy.  An itchy, bumpy red rash is now spreading across the quadrant of my torso that is being treated – it’s almost uncanny how neatly it’s staying confined with the boundaries of the five pinpoint tattoos that mark the radiation field.  The most uncomfortable part of my breast now gets treated every night with those wonderful nursing pads filled with freezable gel.  A bit of fatigue has begun to kick in, so I’m enjoying taking mid afternoon naps a few days each week.  Honestly, I don’t think the fatigue is anything more than most moms feel every day of our lives, but I’m giving myself permission to sneak in a siesta!

I can’t tell you what a comfort it has been during the past few weeks to be walking this path as a faith filled Catholic mom!  Sustained by daily Eucharist and with the knowledge that friends and family around the country are lifting me up in prayer every day, I feel more spiritually refreshed than I have been in years.  My own private intercessory prayer life is busy too – some days I don’t have time to fit my entire list in during treatments times, so I’m more cognizant of making time for quiet prayer throughout the course of my day.

There’s something about being halfway done with a goal that makes you feel so good.  As a slow runner/jogger who’s done three marathons in my life, I’ve equated that midway point in a race or any challenge as the point of no return – if you’ve made it that far, there’s no turning back now!  I see new women arrive at the Cancer Center for treatment and I want to go up to them and hug them and tell them that it passes by quickly and relatively painlessly, and that – believe it or not – much good can come from embracing what is happening to your body and soul.  I am blessed that my situation is so much less difficult than 99% of my fellow patients, a point that I never cease to remind myself of every day.

This point of being halfway to the finish line makes me want to take a look at other difficult changes that need to be made in my life and to try to determine how I can break them into 33 segments of small change that will lead to lasting renewal.

But for now, 16.5 had become one of my lucky numbers.

Deacon Tom Fox shares a “healing” reflection on the life of Blessed Andre Bessette.

Share your feedback at 206-339-9272, comment here on the blog or email lisa@catholicmom.com.

Links for this episode:

• Tim Warneka
• Catholic Servant Leader
• Black Belt Leader, Peaceful Leader: An Introduction to Catholic Servant Leadership by Tim Warneka
• Paul’s Men Podcast
• God’s Doorkeepers: Padre Pio, Solanus Casey And Andre Bessette
• The Catholic Company
• Lisa’s Facebook Profile, Plurk, Twitter
• Catholic Mom Logo Store

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It’s interesting to me that I’ve had a tremendous sense of peace and acceptance over this whole situation – there are so many women involved in the “real” battle with breast cancer that this little procedure almost feels like “much ado about nothing”.  The biggest frustration to me has been getting my house and my work affairs in order to potentially take the week off if I’m not feeling well.

I didn’t sleep much or very well last night, with thoughts racing through my head of things that I need to take care of this morning before we leave for the 10:00 pre-surgical check in.  I’ll be at Radiology for procedure there at 11:15 and then the surgery is at 2:30 – a nice opportunity to fast and to offer it for the poor souls in purgatory!

Out of the blue, the first email I opened this morning was from an “anonymous” source who had commented on a very old post from my old blog.  Anonymous share this link, to the Litany of the Saints which was sung last year during Pope Benedict XVI’s youth rally and Mass at Yonkers.

I’m thinking “Anonymous” was secretly my guardian angel, who knew who much I needed the quiet moment of prayer that accompanied my listening to this song/prayer early this morning.  Please take a moment to listen to it and to join your prayers with mine for the souls we remember during this month of November.

What a tremendous blessing to have the prayers of the Communion of Saints!  I hope to rejoin you within a few days and will report back on how things went with my procedure.  Hope your week is blessed!