Night Before Christmas 1985

Tucson, Arizona. Land of saguaro cactus, red desert and the yearly gathering of the Gastellum clan for Christmas.

For as far back as I can remember, we would make the annual fourteen hour drive from Colorado to Arizona to spend one or two weeks with family in a continuous celebration that centered on the Faith, family and food.

But before we made the trip our family made its own Christmas cards. My Dad’s an artist and my Mom does beautiful calligraphy so we always had perfect cards to send out. Even farther back before Christmas my Mom would get each of us a Christmas ornament that had something to do with an event during the past year. One year I got a brass skier because I went skiing for the first time. Another year I got an ornament of Pikes Peak because I completed the half marathon ascent that summer. Ouch!

My Mom’s parents had lived in the same house ever since I could remember Christmas and later my aunt and uncle moved into the house three doors down. Several other aunts, uncles and various greats also lived in Tucson. I was even blessed with knowing my Great Grandmother. You know, the lady who was quick enough to catch mice by the tail?

There was always an Advent wreath on the dining room table and Christmas stockings always made the trip with us. For some reason, the felt Advent calendar that my mom made with the snap-on ornaments for each day almost never made the trip so we only got about two weeks completed and then had to add everything else after Christmas.

My mom collects Nativity sets and I think she got that from her mom. There were always a variety of Nativity sets around the house, missing baby Jesus, of course until Christmas day. Unfortunately, most sets are now made in China so our store isn’t able to offer a large selection of them.

Night Before Christmas 1984

On Christmas Eve we always had a traditional Mexican dinner with homemade tamales, re-fried beans, calabasitas and the best tortillas anywhere. We would then all gather in the spare room and with a roaring fire in the fireplace and the blinds strategically cracked open, my grandfather would read The Night Before Christmas from a huge coloring book that all of us cousins had taken a hand at coloring. Just like clockwork every year Santa would be on the roof, shout down the chimney and flash by the window before vanishing across the golf course behind their house. We would then all go back in to the living room and find our stockings full. My poor Uncle Steve, and some years Uncle John, frequently missed this momentous event. It’s amazing how things always came up right at that time.

Tumacacori Mission

Some years we would go down to the Tumacacori Mission to sing carols and see the luminarias lining the church and walls at night. My family has a long association with the Mission. My grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary there and they met at the Catholic church just up the road in Tubac. One of my great-(great?)-aunts was scalped by Indians while her siblings hid in the mission bell tower. She survived.

When we were all younger and had the energy we would then go to Midnight Mass and then come home and open presents. I don’t know how my grandparents did it.

Christmas day was the time to go visit Uncle Mannie and Aunt Armida. It was also the first place that I got bragging rights for eating exotic food. Every Christmas Aunt Armida made Menudo and I loved it. Christmas dinner was a traditional turkey affair.

Saguaro National Park at Sunset

During our time in Tucson we had three typical site seeing visits to make. The first, and most regular, was a trip to the Sonoran Desert Museum. My Grandfather had been a park ranger most of his life and was a supporter of the museum. My favorite exhibits were always the prairie dog town and the geological exhibit with the earthquake detectors and the path through the “cave”.

The second visit was a guy trip to some dive for authentic Mexican food. I don’t remember the names of any of the places we went but you probably won’t find them in tourist books.

Some years we would make a trip to the Pima Air Museum or have a picnic at the Saguoro National Park. Yes, a picnic in December. Except for the one year it snowed and we had a snowball fight instead.

Okay, now it’s your turn. What fond memories do you have of Christmas?

What I’d forgotten in my own lead up to this moment were the emotions of that man – the husband and father – my partner for the past nineteen years in this amazing project called “Being Eric’s parent”. The chief lego builder, action figure player, and plastic sword swashbuckler who’d chosen his medical specialty and practice setting around his ability to devote more time to his family.  No surgery subspecialty or private practice for this dad, who wanted more than anything to “be there” for his sons.  In my own introspection, I’d expected him to be there for me to pick up the pieces as he always does.  But in typical Lisa fashion, I’d forgotten that Greg would have his own “pieces” too…

So we stood and held one another in that moment, then went and had a strong cup of airport coffee while we waited for news that Eric’s plane had departed.  Then we drove the three hours home to Fresno, me sleeping and Greg, rock steady as he always is, manning the wheel.

The great irony of that goodbye scene is that it’s only the start.  Eric is at Harvard this week, participating in a pre-orientation at Harvard as a part of the “Dorm Crew”.  The kid who never in his life cleaned a toilet will be spending a few days dealing with other people’s grunge as he and his fellow crew-mates ready the Harvard dorms for their fellow students.

For the past few days, I’ve received a few furtive texts in response to my motherly queries to verify that he’s still alive.

Him:  “I’ve landed”

Me:  “Are at the dorm yet? Do you have your keys?  Are you checked in?”

Him:  “Yes”

Me (early the next morning):  “Are you awake yet?”

Him:  “Yes”

… A man of few words, like his dad.  Something’s telling me to give him his space right now, so I’m fighting back my compulsion to text every half hour, to make sure he’s brushed his teeth, and to harp on the fact that I know he’s not getting enough sleep (this surmised from a late night Facebook update).  His wings have been developing for the past few years, but now it’s time for them to spread and soar fully.  He’s ready, and even though I may not be, it’s my job to enjoy the view and to keep up the prayers.

Next week, we’ll repeat the goodbye.  Greg and I will leave Tuesday to fly out and move Eric into his dorm at Harvard.  There will be trips to Target for dorm essentials, tours of campus from his now-knowledgeable perspective, dinner with his roommate’s parents, and yet another goodbye.  I’ve scheduled a “nervous breakdown” for the 27th through the 29th – Greg and I will spend those days in Monterey at a retreat for his hospital.  Adam will be safe at home with Grandma, luxuriating in his new “only child” status, and likely missing his big brother in his own way.

My friends have been amazing during the past few days.  They know me as the mom who cried on the first day of school every year since Kindergarten, the mom who hates the absence of her boys, and the one who would have gladly welcomed ten more kids but has done her best to treasure the two God blessed her with.  They have called me, prayed with me, and tried to distract me.  Along with Greg and Adam and my family, they will be here for me to help me figure out this new form of reality and to embrace it fully.

I miss Eric, but I can’t wait to learn about what being “Eric’s mom” means for our future.

With the one who’s almost out the door to college, the letting go has been a gradual transition.  He is a great student (both boys are, actually) and has demonstrated over the past few years that he can manage his workload properly, even if his timing always doesn’t line up with my desires.  Kid #2, just finishing up his freshman year of high school, is equally as talented and wired entirely differently from his brother.  The things that inspire and motivate him are unique and precious, and I’m still figuring them out as we go.

So today was one of those days I regret more as the morning goes on.  A nice drive to school punctuated by a parting disagreement, solidified by a follow up cell phone call that makes things even worse.  Me – left to stew and fret.  Him – likely upset at mom and thinking she doesn’t understand.  Terminal to the relationship?  Likely not… but I still wish I could have the whole thing back to do over again.

This Mom thing can be tough – a lifelong period of on the job training.  I often hope my boys won’t suffer long-term for the times when I feel I’ve screwed up, fallen short of what God wants of me as a mother and of what my family needs and deserves from me.  I guess we won’t know that for years.

In the mean time, we take one moment at a time, do our best, and try to make the grade.

Call me a proud auntie, but I’ve got to say he’s one of the most precious kids I know!

To Infinity, And Beyond…

Thanks to Mary for sharing the following information about St. Anne’s Helper, which looks to be a good resource for helping share the faith with our families.

St. Anne’s Helper Audio Catechism (CDs or Downloads) use the Baltimore Catechism preparation for First Communion or Confirmation. The text of the audiobook is on the same enhanced CD or Download so there’s no need to buy an extra booklet and it is reproducible so you can have it upstairs and downstairs if you need for as many children as you have! They serve to help adults and children review or memorize the basic Catholic beliefs and are great for Catholic Religious Education, RCIA, and Catholic Homeschool! They are a great tutorial help memorizing the Catholic Ten Commandments, Apostles’ Creed, Mysteries of the Rosary and any of the catechism answers. Each Q&A is on its own track with the same number for easy navigation!

St. Anne’s Helper Catechism Copybooks are available as Downloads and carry the exact same text as the CDs. The First Communion Catechism Copybook is available in beautiful Manuscript with ruled lines for copywork. The Catholic Confirmation Catechism Copybook is available in either beautiful Manuscript or Cursive. Your choice. They can be spiral bound or 3-hole punched to keep in a binder or simply left single to serve as penmanship practice sheets or religious education worksheets. Either way your student has good Catholic material from which to work!

See these CDs and Downloads at www.Roman-Catholic-Catechism.com and Share Your Catholic Catechism Ideas on our Catholic Catechism Blog at: http://www.roman-catholic-catechism.com/Catholic-Catechism-blog.html. Thanks!

My nephews, Spiderman (Tyler) and Superman (Evan)

How’s this for being bold? Deacon Tom says he’s doing a Plug for Jesus. What do you think? By the way, have you been to Adoration lately?

This week, Sarah Reinhard has a prayer from Our Lady of Akita.  You can learn more about Our Lady of Akita at the summary page at EWTN, or you can read about the miracles and drama in the more in-depth coverage at Mary Pages and Catholic Tradition.

Share your feedback at 206-339-9272, comment here on the blog or email lisa@catholicmom.com.

Links for this Episode:

• Terry Polakovic:
  • ENDOW Online
  • ENDOW – Facebook, Twitter, Blog
  • Catholic Women’s Conference
• The Lost and Found Family
• Catechetical Sunday 2009
• Current CatholicMom.com Contests – Truth for Teens Contest
• SQPN Connect
• CatholicMom.com Book Club
• The Catholic Company
• Lisa’s Facebook Profile, SQPN Connect Page, Plurk, Twitter
• Catholic Mom Logo Store

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I blame myself largely, since I tend to use Sunday as a catch up day.  Catch up on laundry, plow through emails, plan for the week ahead in my writing responsibilities… you get the idea.  Too much work, and too little “keeping holy” this special day.  So lately, I’ve been trying to remedy this.  I’ll be honest, I’m only taking baby steps at this point.  Things like leaving my iPhone at home when we head to church in the morning, or trying to stay offline as much as possible on Sunday.  But I still have a long way to go!

This weekend, however, I did a pretty good job.  Worn out from a very hard week of work and back to school stuff, I felt the urge to “get away from it all”.  Adam and Greg, committed to being at church for a music practice and second mass, weren’t able to take off.  But Eric and I did, heading up to Millerton Lake for a hike.

The day was an unusual one, with temperatures only in the high 80s and a sporadic drizzle.  The lake is so low right now – a visual reminder of the drought we face here in California.  We hit a trail that basically hugs the edge of the lake, moving along the gentle inclines at a very leisurely pace.  I love spending this type of time with Eric – his mind never ceases to amaze me.  We discussed everything from literature to sociology to his college plans.  We laughed, we pondered, we enjoyed moments of silence, all while taking in the glorious views God has created for us.  All in all, we were only away from home for about three hours, but the afternoon left me feeling refreshed and renewed.

I’m already looking forward to next weekend and trying to look ahead and what I might accomplish on Friday to make the weekend more family oriented and less “catch up” oriented.

Do you struggle with keeping Sundays sane and serene or have you managed to unplug?  I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic!

This morning, for the first time since 1994, I did not drive my kids to the first day of school. These two graciously allowed mom to continue our family tradition of standing in the back yard, holding a sign announcing the date and their grade. Eric decided to “suit up”, announcing his intentions to take this — his senior year — very seriously. Adam, on the other hand, went casual. I think the flip flops and sunglasses were a reaction to not having to wear a school uniform for the first time in nine years.

After the photos and a quick prayer, it was time for me to say goodbye.  I offered, one last time, to drive them – both kindly declined.  Before I knew it, they were off.

Adam - First Grade, 2001

Eric - Fourth Grade, 2001

This year will hold lots of new and exciting adventures for both of them.  There will be challenging classes, auditions and rehearsals, new friends for Adam and college apps for Eric.  They will face their tests and challenges, and their parents will too.  Today, it’s fun to sit back and ponder all the memories that will be made and the many lessons they will learn along the way.

For those of you sending little ones off to school for the first time or commencing your homeschool career, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

Click here to view my photos.

Share your feedback at 206-339-9272, comment here on the blog or email lisa@catholicmom.com.

Links for this Episode:

• St. Vincent de Paul School, Long Beach, Mississippi
• Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament
• St. Bernard Abbey
• Ave Maria Grotto
• EWTN Pilgrimage Information
• SQPN Connect
• CatholicMom.com Book Club
• The Catholic Company
• Lisa’s Facebook Profile, SQPN Connect Page, Plurk, Twitter
• Catholic Mom Logo Store

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The Meal Box contains 54 cards, each one featuring a creative question guaranteed to spark fun family conversation during family meals. The questions, such as If you could have the voice of any famous person, whose voice would you have?, are sure to engage everyone in the family. The reverse side of each card features a quick “Food for Family Thought” tip from family expert Tom McGrath. The tip makes it easy, and downright fun, for families to apply the question and answers to their lives of faith.

Today, Bret and Tom will be joining us throughout the day to prompt conversation, field your questions about family meals time and share their perspectives on how our families can grow in faith.  Please chime in throughout the day in the comments area below or email your question to Lisa@CatholicMom.com.

Along with some great conversation here at the blog, we’re offering you two ways to win your own copy of The Meal Box.  First, Loyloa Press is generously offering one free copy of The Meal Box to a lucky winner.  To enter, drop an email to Halm@loyolapress.com with your name and the words “CatholicMom.com Blog Tour”.  I am going to match Loyola Press’s generous offer and give away a second copy of The Meal Box to one of our commenters.  Simply leave a comment here at the blog with a reply to Bret and Tom’s question or a question of your own for the authors on Tuesday, June 23, 2009 and your name will be entered into a random drawing to win The Meal Box.

Even if you’re not one of our two random winners, you are in luck because from now until June 30th, Loyola Press is offering 30% of The Meal Box, selling it to our readers for only $6.97.  Just enter the promotional code MomMeal at checkout.

So let’s get started with the conversation!  Here are Bret and Tom’s opening remarks – be sure to watch the comments, answer their introductory question and chime in throughout the day with your questions for these two great experts!

Good morning!

I’m Bret Nicholaus, and I have to confess that I have an unusual passion: I just LOVE asking questions that help family members and friends learn fun and fascinating things about each other. I’ve been writing question books for the last 16 years, so this “interest” is nothing new. What IS new to me is the opportunity to interact with all of you via CatholicMom.com. I can’t wait to get started and see where the questions—and ensuing conversations—lead.

Joining me will be Tom McGrath, who has written several books on family spirituality. Recently, Tom and I co-created The Meal Box: Fun Questions and Family Faith Tips to Get Mealtime Conversations Cookin’. Tom and I both believe that mealtime affords one of the best opportunities to help families grow in their love for one another and in their faith—and a helpful way to do that is to begin with a FUN question!

So let’s get started with a question from The Meal Box. Send in your answers—your HONEST answers—and we’ll get the conversation going! Together, we’ll have fun learning about one another and discovering ways to serve up a little faith at mealtime!

If you could open the back door to your home and step out into the PERFECT backyard, what would that yard be like for you?

Update: Our first Meal Box Winner, randomly selected from among yesterday’s comments, is Karen (#46).  I will announce the email winner soon.

Visiting Chinatown

Sometimes, living with two wonderful teenage boys, I turn into the world’s biggest nag.  I was in prime form this morning before Mass, likely thanks to a short night’s sleep and the rush we were in to get out of the house.  I made a request of the boys, something that had been on my mind all morning, using that motherly tone… you know the one…

It wasn’t until we got into church and I began re-reading the liturgy of the word that the error of my ways hit me with full force.

“Beloved, let us love one another,
because love is of God;
everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God.
Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love.”

and then

“As the Father loves me, so I also love you.
Remain in my love.”

and the final reminder

“This I command you: love one another.”

As if the point hadn’t been driven home enough, my music ministry men then began playing “They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love” and the motherly remorse kicked in big time.  Had I told my sons and husband yet today how deeply I love them?  Had I said anything nice at all — is there any way that “Brush your teeth” spoken three times can be construed as love?  Yes, there is motherly love behind the reminder.  I don’t want their teeth falling out.  But was my tone one of love, or more one of dissatisfaction and exasperation?

Just about every week, when I stop to get a good look at Eric, I realize how fleetingly precious this time with my sons truly is.  Eric, a Junior in high school, already has one foot out the door.  Do I want to spend the next eighteen months before he goes off to college getting in the last word, or do I want this to be a time of loving support of the man he is becoming.  As Adam ventures into the world of high school, do I want to be the one always saying “no” or the one gently encouraging him to be the best he can be?

It’s such a fine line we parents walk.  We want to help our children avoid all of life’s many pitfalls and protect them from any pain or failure.  We do this out of love.  But it’s very easy to get caught up in what feels like endless nagging.  Was this what Jesus had in mind today when he told his disciples, “This I command you: love one another.”

I don’t have the answers today, only questions and a bit of self doubt.  Blessedly, the gospel message for today has given me my marching orders for this week: a bit less nagging, and a lot more loving.