What I’d forgotten in my own lead up to this moment were the emotions of that man – the husband and father – my partner for the past nineteen years in this amazing project called “Being Eric’s parent”. The chief lego builder, action figure player, and plastic sword swashbuckler who’d chosen his medical specialty and practice setting around his ability to devote more time to his family.  No surgery subspecialty or private practice for this dad, who wanted more than anything to “be there” for his sons.  In my own introspection, I’d expected him to be there for me to pick up the pieces as he always does.  But in typical Lisa fashion, I’d forgotten that Greg would have his own “pieces” too…

So we stood and held one another in that moment, then went and had a strong cup of airport coffee while we waited for news that Eric’s plane had departed.  Then we drove the three hours home to Fresno, me sleeping and Greg, rock steady as he always is, manning the wheel.

The great irony of that goodbye scene is that it’s only the start.  Eric is at Harvard this week, participating in a pre-orientation at Harvard as a part of the “Dorm Crew”.  The kid who never in his life cleaned a toilet will be spending a few days dealing with other people’s grunge as he and his fellow crew-mates ready the Harvard dorms for their fellow students.

For the past few days, I’ve received a few furtive texts in response to my motherly queries to verify that he’s still alive.

Him:  “I’ve landed”

Me:  “Are at the dorm yet? Do you have your keys?  Are you checked in?”

Him:  “Yes”

Me (early the next morning):  “Are you awake yet?”

Him:  “Yes”

… A man of few words, like his dad.  Something’s telling me to give him his space right now, so I’m fighting back my compulsion to text every half hour, to make sure he’s brushed his teeth, and to harp on the fact that I know he’s not getting enough sleep (this surmised from a late night Facebook update).  His wings have been developing for the past few years, but now it’s time for them to spread and soar fully.  He’s ready, and even though I may not be, it’s my job to enjoy the view and to keep up the prayers.

Next week, we’ll repeat the goodbye.  Greg and I will leave Tuesday to fly out and move Eric into his dorm at Harvard.  There will be trips to Target for dorm essentials, tours of campus from his now-knowledgeable perspective, dinner with his roommate’s parents, and yet another goodbye.  I’ve scheduled a “nervous breakdown” for the 27th through the 29th – Greg and I will spend those days in Monterey at a retreat for his hospital.  Adam will be safe at home with Grandma, luxuriating in his new “only child” status, and likely missing his big brother in his own way.

My friends have been amazing during the past few days.  They know me as the mom who cried on the first day of school every year since Kindergarten, the mom who hates the absence of her boys, and the one who would have gladly welcomed ten more kids but has done her best to treasure the two God blessed her with.  They have called me, prayed with me, and tried to distract me.  Along with Greg and Adam and my family, they will be here for me to help me figure out this new form of reality and to embrace it fully.

I miss Eric, but I can’t wait to learn about what being “Eric’s mom” means for our future.

Top Ten Reasons You Should Turn In Your Early Action Application on Sunday

1. Dean Nondorf wants You! To apply to the University of Chicago.

2. Winter will be SO MUCH WARMER, comparatively.  To January 20, 1985.

3. You can’t get into college if you don’t apply!

4. Turning in a college application is a time honored All Saint’s Day tradition.

5. Procrastinating is only cool and fun once you’re in college.

6. You are one step closer to winning a Nobel Prize! Or at least closer to people who have won the Nobel Prize.

7. If you turn in your application early, Jon and Kate will a) get back together or b) stay divorced. Choose your own adventure!

8. Every time an Early Action application is sent in, a fairy gets its wings.

9.That Hogwarts letter isn’t coming. This is the next best thing.

10. You send us an application, we send you cookies. (Note: The University of Chicago cannot guarantee the delivery of any and all baked goods to applicants.)

Best,
Office of College Admissions

A special thanks to my friend Maureen Wittmann for sharing the following good news about a special ongoing series of events over at Homeschool Connections!  Coming on the heels of our family visit to Pomona College this weekend (click here to see my photos!), this information is very timely.  If you have a student who is not yet in senior year of high school, it’s definitely not too early to get busy informing yourself!  Here’s the information from Maureen:

October is Catholic College Month at Homeschool Connections and it begins today! Though the response has been so positive that Catholic College Month covers October and November. Homeschool Connections is offering a series of free webinars (online seminars) for parents and students Catholic higher education. The first event is on college financing and so is a good one to attend even if your children are young. Note that these webinars are for everyone, not just homeschoolers.

This is also a tremendous opportunity to meet first hand (electronically, at least) with key admissions officials at some of the great Catholic universities and colleges in the US, and it’s FREE!

Click on the links below to register or learn more:

• How to Pay for College Without Breaking the Bank October 5 @ 8:30 p.m. ET
  
• Meet Franciscan University on October 21 @ 3 p.m. ET
• Meet Wyoming Catholic College on October 28 @ 8:30 p.m. ET
• Ave Maria University on October 29 @ 8:00 p.m. ET
  
• Meet Christendom College on November 5 @ 8:30 p.m. ET
• University of Dallas on November 9 @ 7:30 p.m. ET
• Meet University of St. Thomas (Houston, TX) on November 10 @ 8:30 p.m. ET

Please note that space is limited so register soon. These events are recorded and will be available to anyone who is unable to attend. You will be able to find links to those recordings within 48 hours of the live event at Homeschool Connections: Catholic College Month.

Please feel free to share this information with others who may be interested. The more we can share about faithful Catholic education the better!

I blame myself largely, since I tend to use Sunday as a catch up day.  Catch up on laundry, plow through emails, plan for the week ahead in my writing responsibilities… you get the idea.  Too much work, and too little “keeping holy” this special day.  So lately, I’ve been trying to remedy this.  I’ll be honest, I’m only taking baby steps at this point.  Things like leaving my iPhone at home when we head to church in the morning, or trying to stay offline as much as possible on Sunday.  But I still have a long way to go!

This weekend, however, I did a pretty good job.  Worn out from a very hard week of work and back to school stuff, I felt the urge to “get away from it all”.  Adam and Greg, committed to being at church for a music practice and second mass, weren’t able to take off.  But Eric and I did, heading up to Millerton Lake for a hike.

The day was an unusual one, with temperatures only in the high 80s and a sporadic drizzle.  The lake is so low right now – a visual reminder of the drought we face here in California.  We hit a trail that basically hugs the edge of the lake, moving along the gentle inclines at a very leisurely pace.  I love spending this type of time with Eric – his mind never ceases to amaze me.  We discussed everything from literature to sociology to his college plans.  We laughed, we pondered, we enjoyed moments of silence, all while taking in the glorious views God has created for us.  All in all, we were only away from home for about three hours, but the afternoon left me feeling refreshed and renewed.

I’m already looking forward to next weekend and trying to look ahead and what I might accomplish on Friday to make the weekend more family oriented and less “catch up” oriented.

Do you struggle with keeping Sundays sane and serene or have you managed to unplug?  I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic!

This morning, for the first time since 1994, I did not drive my kids to the first day of school. These two graciously allowed mom to continue our family tradition of standing in the back yard, holding a sign announcing the date and their grade. Eric decided to “suit up”, announcing his intentions to take this — his senior year — very seriously. Adam, on the other hand, went casual. I think the flip flops and sunglasses were a reaction to not having to wear a school uniform for the first time in nine years.

After the photos and a quick prayer, it was time for me to say goodbye.  I offered, one last time, to drive them – both kindly declined.  Before I knew it, they were off.

Adam - First Grade, 2001

Eric - Fourth Grade, 2001

This year will hold lots of new and exciting adventures for both of them.  There will be challenging classes, auditions and rehearsals, new friends for Adam and college apps for Eric.  They will face their tests and challenges, and their parents will too.  Today, it’s fun to sit back and ponder all the memories that will be made and the many lessons they will learn along the way.

For those of you sending little ones off to school for the first time or commencing your homeschool career, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

This particular museum has eluded us for the past few years.  Every time we’ve tried to visit, a line longer than those at Disneyland snaked outside the building, dissuading us from even trying to get in to the museum.  I guess the key is to go on a Tuesday in the middle of the afternoon.  Along with seeing the de Young’s fine collections, we were able to get some of the day’s last few tickets to the special exhibit. I have to say that the experience was well worth the price – the artifacts contained in the exhibit simply take your breath away.  Their condition is truly pristine and the exhibit’s arrangement leaves you with a tremendous sense of the magnitude of the archaeological find and the history of Tut’s time.

All in all, it was a gorgeous day in San Francisco with temperatures in the mid 80′s.  I so love spending days like this in Eric’s company.  His mind is so active – he filled four pages of notes during our day at the de Young.  Mind you, his note taking was simply for his own edification – he is going through a “Renaissance Man” phase and is loving anything having to do with the Arts these days.  As I watch him grow into a man and anticipate his 18th birthday in September, I’m filled with pride at what a fine person he has become.  We still have quite a year ahead of us, with college applications and major life decisions looming large.  But yesterday was a wonderful moment to pause and just enjoy one another’s company.  Here are a few photos of our day and the exhibit – enjoy!

Sometimes, living with two wonderful teenage boys, I turn into the world’s biggest nag.  I was in prime form this morning before Mass, likely thanks to a short night’s sleep and the rush we were in to get out of the house.  I made a request of the boys, something that had been on my mind all morning, using that motherly tone… you know the one…

It wasn’t until we got into church and I began re-reading the liturgy of the word that the error of my ways hit me with full force.

“Beloved, let us love one another,
because love is of God;
everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God.
Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love.”

and then

“As the Father loves me, so I also love you.
Remain in my love.”

and the final reminder

“This I command you: love one another.”

As if the point hadn’t been driven home enough, my music ministry men then began playing “They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love” and the motherly remorse kicked in big time.  Had I told my sons and husband yet today how deeply I love them?  Had I said anything nice at all — is there any way that “Brush your teeth” spoken three times can be construed as love?  Yes, there is motherly love behind the reminder.  I don’t want their teeth falling out.  But was my tone one of love, or more one of dissatisfaction and exasperation?

Just about every week, when I stop to get a good look at Eric, I realize how fleetingly precious this time with my sons truly is.  Eric, a Junior in high school, already has one foot out the door.  Do I want to spend the next eighteen months before he goes off to college getting in the last word, or do I want this to be a time of loving support of the man he is becoming.  As Adam ventures into the world of high school, do I want to be the one always saying “no” or the one gently encouraging him to be the best he can be?

It’s such a fine line we parents walk.  We want to help our children avoid all of life’s many pitfalls and protect them from any pain or failure.  We do this out of love.  But it’s very easy to get caught up in what feels like endless nagging.  Was this what Jesus had in mind today when he told his disciples, “This I command you: love one another.”

I don’t have the answers today, only questions and a bit of self doubt.  Blessedly, the gospel message for today has given me my marching orders for this week: a bit less nagging, and a lot more loving.

Since November, after my surgery, I spent seven weeks undergoing daily radiation treatments.  At the same time, serious work began on the book I am writing for Catholic Moms.  About the time that I finished radiation, I banished myself to the lovely new library at Fresno State.  Sitting amidst the students there, I spent about a month cranking out word after word, and enjoying the silence and isolation of the library – such a perfect place to work!  It’s funny, when I was in college I spent a great deal of my time in the library, but I was typically looking around to see who else was there!  I also took a lot of coffee breaks!  It’s great to go to a library just for the joy of silence and know you don’t have a test or essay hanging over your head.

Last Wednesday, I finished the final chapter of the first draft of the book.  Now I have to go back and fix all of the problems, which are bolded and noted in red like this! Much work remains to be done before it will be ready to be seen by anyone’s eyes but mine.  As a first time author, I am plagued by self doubt but buoyed with the confidence that I have a wonderful editor.

On the home front, it feels as though we are spending a lot of time these days thinking about college.  The fact is, it makes me both sad and excited.  I’m saddened by the fact that Eric’s race to manhood and independence continues at a crazy pace, leaving his mother to stand by, watching and praying.  He seems more and more on top of his own life every day – I am proud, but not yet ready to let go.  It’s also exciting to spend time with him, exploring his possible options.  I loved college and know that he will too.  Helping him find the right college home will be both fun and challenging.

On the health front, I meet again with my oncologist on Thursday – it seems that they follow you very closely for several months after treatments.  The whole experience is already beginning to turn into a fuzzy half-memory in my mind, replaced by the day in day out joys of life.

I’m hoping to find more time every day to write here on the blog – to share the happiness and tests of my own faith journey with you.  I hope your Spring is off to a wonderful start, that your Lenten season has been fruitful, and that you are as happy as I am today!

Here’s a wonderful little video, shared by my friend Deacon Tom Fox.  Spreading joy is a gift – when I showed this to Adam this morning, I told him that it reminded me of him – but the truth is, so many of you are out there spreading joy in your corners of the world.  Thank you for the joy you spread my way!

Eric’s already a pretty busy guy, performing in three different music ensembles at school and balancing a host of other activities.  How he manages it all, I’m not sure – at seventeen he’s already a master of personal productivity.  Sometimes it’s not pretty, but the kids definitely “gets things done”.

So this week, Eric has declared a self-imposed moratorium on Facebook.  He knows he’s going to need extra time for study this week, and sees the distraction that his favorite online playground can be mentally and timewise.

I’m wondering how many of us, anticipating a week of big projects or deadlines, would have the mental focus to declare our Facebook status to be: “is going a week without Facebook, starting right now” as Eric has.  We reward ourselves with visits to our favorite social networking sites, video games, or other time wasters for “just a few minutes as a break” and can end up more stressed than ever – I speak from personal experience here!

I’m not going to predict how long Eric will actually keep himself off of Facebook, I’m just proud of him for being mature enough to recognize the need to manage his time productively.  One of the two of us will likely be ready when it’s time for him to go off to college…

Eric Michael “Thomas Aquinas” Hendey, Bishop John T. Steinbock, Ms. Carlie Frye (sponsor)

Every day of my life, I am proud of my sons.  Today will be no exception as I watch Eric go forward to fully bind himself to our Church and become an adult witness of our Catholic faith.

I think I’ve shared here before that my own Confirmation came at a time in my life when I could not fully appreciate the sanctity and importance of the Sacrament.  As an eighth grader, I was far more concerned with how my hair looked than with the seriousness of the step I took that day.

Eric, on the other hand, is fully prepared for his Sacrament.  I give a great deal of credit to his religion teachers and also to Sharon, our wonderful Youth minister, all of whom have walked this path with Eric.  His Confirmation sponsor was his Freshman year religion teacher, a wonderful young woman whose vibrant faith has had a tremendous impact upon my son.

It’s interesting that this year, as he has transitioned into a public school setting, Eric has been called upon to defend and witness to his faith more than ever before in his life.  I watch him make moral choices that reflect the depth of his character.  I observe him answer his classmates’ criticism of organized religion as archaic.  I see his heart for community service and the profound nature of his compassion for others.  I know he is ready to take this step.

For many, Confirmation ends the period when we receive faith formation in our lives – since it’s no longer “required”, many of us set studying and learning about our faith aside.  I know that Eric will face periods of trial and doubt in the years ahead, and that he will have to face continual challenges to his faith.  I hope that I will have the grace, as a mom, to accept these moments and to continue to be a prayer companion to my son in his life.

I’d ask your prayers for Eric, and for all of those who will receive the Sacrament of Confirmation this weekend.  For those of you with children who have been confirmed, I would love to hear your insights and experiences on this sacrament.  It seems just yesterday that Greg and I asked for the Sacrament of Baptism for our baby Eric!

This is the first time I’ve participated in this particular event and I will definitely try to go again in the future.  It was truly a treat to walk behind Eric’s Leo Club friends, who had given up their morning to volunteer for the event.  It was also great to hear many of our community leaders coming together with one voice to call for peace and caring here in our own home.  Events such as these frequently remind me that our youth can and do make a difference in our world.  I truly believe that Eric and his friends look beyond color to the content of one’s character – they see the person inside, rather than the looks outside.  This is a great lesson for all of us as we remember a man who lived and died to encourage others to love and to lift one another up, rather than dragging one another down.

Yesterday was also a good reminder to continually support our Community Food Bank and Catholic Charities, who are working around the clock to keep up with an ever growing demand for their services.

One of Eric’s friends had planned a party, but when that fell through Greg and I were thrilled to open our house up to the kids and to let them get together here under our supervision.

A few things we would recommend:

1. Do agree to be the party house – Kids want to get together, and in my opinion I’d rather have them in my home than anywhere else! If there here, I know they are supervised, not drinking, safe and having fun.
2. Don’t let your kid invite the entire grade – Unless you are prepared for a major blowout, keep the guest list to a reasonable count.  You can decide for your family what the definition of “reasonable” is.  For us, we felt we could safely supervise 25 friends.
3. Do have a start and end time – Most of the kids showed up either early, or right on time.  We told them they needed to be picked up or leave by 1:00 AM and all but a few had parents pick them up by that time.
4. Do maintain a watchful presence – Give the kids some space, but let them know you’re in the vicinity.  I spent two hours in the kitchen baking cookies and brownies for them.  While they knew I was nearby, since I was busy it didn’t look like I was just hanging around for no reason.
5. Do keep the menu simple – Finger foods, clear liquids (obviously non-alcoholic) and lots of sweets seemed to be the most popular items.  A few weeks ago, we ordered pizzas for this same crowd and half of them went uneaten.  The big winner last night was the Artichoke Dip.
6. Do have activity options – We have ping pong, air hockey and pool tables at the ready for teen visitors.  But last night, they spent two hours playing Cranium Family Edition – a fun game that’s a mix of charades, pictionary, and some other classics.  They also enjoyed lighting off a few safe fireworks and hanging out around a bonfire, but there require definite adult supervision.

I can’t think of a better way to have celebrated the New Year than to gather with our kids and their buddies last night – sure, we have some clean up to do today, but hopefully the memories the kids made last night will last longer than the brownie stains on the carpet!

Following his speech, which you can view here, the Governor took time to meet with those of us in the audience.  Somehow, I was in the front row and was able to actually spend a few moments speaking with him.  What did we talk about?  My son – I thanked him for coming and told him how proud I was of my son and his schoolmates for all of their hard work in school.  I contemplated some of the other things I could (or should…) have said to him, but as a Mom my first thoughts today were of Eric and how this experience is one he will remember for quite some time.

Eric is not visible in the video (he’s in the center of the back row and you can see his ear a few times), but I think some of his friends may have gotten a photo with him and Governor S.  If so, I’ll share that here soon.

Today’s civics moment is a reminder that regardless of whether or not we personally agree 100% with our elected officials, it is good to make the effort to see them if given the opportunity.  Eric is at Academic Decathlon practice now, so I haven’t been able to speak with him about his reaction to meeting “The Terminator”, but I am looking forward to having that conversation.  I’m also looking forward to Eric’s take on how he personally would fix the budget mess we have on our hands – knowing my son, I know he will have a thought or two on the subject!

Read the press release on today’s visit of Gov. Schwarzenegger to University High School.

Eric and Adam, celebrating their successful Youth Philharmonic performance!