If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visitCatholicMatch.com for additional resources. Today’s article was written by Jessica Zimanske forCatholicMatch.com.

The calendar had just barely turned from October to November when I first heard the sound of jingle bells and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” booming from my radio.

With my Halloween decorations still up and a large bowl of chocolate treats taking up real estate in my apartment, the distinct sound of Christmas music seemed out of place on this early November day.

With the Christmas season being pushed earlier and earlier each year, the entire calendar seems to also fall out place. School supplies appear in July. Halloween candy materializes in September. Valentine’s Day cards pop up right after the New Year.

We all know that this cycle is tied to strategic planning on behalf of retailers as they try to tap into the psyche of the American consumer, but I am continuously frustrated by this man-made timeline.

Researchers this year, though, say 2010’s holiday sales are coming later due to the slow economic recovery. Sixty-three percent of consumers say they won’t start shopping until November, according to the National Retail Federation, while many of these shoppers are used to searching for deals earlier in the fall.

The holiday merchandise we’re accustomed to seeing early in the season may not be on display quite yet at many retailers try to line up their stock with the needs of these now late-fall shoppers.

This news came as a surprise, but I immediately felt a sense of relief. I don’t need to be focusing on Christmas gifts, holiday parties and work functions when this month I should be counting my blessings with family and friends and anticipating a cold, yet cozy, Minnesota winter. The Christmas cookies and hot cocoa can wait a few more weeks while I appreciate the season we’re currently in and enjoy today for exactly what it is: today.

So for now, there will be no Christmas carols blaring from my car radio – at least until after Thanksgiving.

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit CatholicMatch.com for additional resources. Today’s article was written by Christina Ries for CatholicMatch.com.

On Nov. 7, Daylight Saving Time ends, and we all get an extra hour. Here are three suggestions:

1.)    The first (and most obvious) option is: sleep, blessed sleep, perchance to dream! Today’s lifestyle leaves many of us stressed out and drained from too many activities and projects, too little time to rest. Studies show that lack of sleep contributes to obesity, heart disease, and even increased mortality. So let your body get that extra hour of much needed sleep.

2.)    Get out to the country! Or even your own backyard. Recent studies have found that “green exercise” — any activity outdoors, in nature, has many health benefits. Even as little as five minutes spent in the beauty of God’s creation offers improved mood, increased sense of well-being, and reduced risk of mental illness.

You can take a walk in the park, putter in your garden, hike a mountain trail, or spend time by the water, “simply messing about in boats,” as Ratty says to Mole in The Wind in the Willows.

3.)    Pray. “Prayer is the raising of one’s mind and heart to God,” the cathechism eloquently asserts. It is a gift and a mystery. We speak with the One whom our soul loves. It is the one gateway out of this world, Father Romano Guardini writes in The Lord. We can listen to the Lord as he speaks to us, guides us in His will, calms our anxieties, heals our souls.

God calls us to prayer, and through prayer we can bring to him our troubles, our joys, our needs. It was Abraham’s intercessory prayer that saved the city of Sodom from destruction — even if there were only 10 innocent people in the whole city. “For the sake of those ten,” replied the Lord, “I will not destroy it” (Genesis 18: 22-32). God listened to Abraham’s plea. When we spend time with Christ in prayer, we become more like Him.

The fruits of true prayer are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22). Take this opportunity to establish a new daily habit of prayer.

What will you do with your extra hour?

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

Please join me in thanking our Catholic Moments contributors by visiting their sites:  Deacon Tom Fox, Lisa Mladnich, Avery, Sarah Reinhard.

This episode of Catholic Moments is sponsored by CatholicMatch.com, the Leading Catholic Singles Community.  Share your feedback at 206-339-9272, comment here on the blog or email lisa@catholicmom.com.

Links for this Episode:

• Amy Bonaccorso – Book, Blog
• Saint Solutions
• Catholic Moments Podcast Facebook Page
• Catholic Moments at SQPN
• Current CatholicMom.com Contests
• CatholicMom.com Book Club
• The Handbook for Catholic Moms:  The Catholic Company, Amazon, Aquinas and More or Barnes & Noble
• Lisa’s Facebook Profile, Twitter

Subscribe to the feed | Subscribe with iTunes

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit CatholicMatch.com for additional resources. Today’s article was written by Christina Ries for CatholicMatch.com.

There are many stirring stories emerging along with the rescued Chilean miners, but one is of special note to CatholicMatchers. It involves Esteban Rojas, the 18^th miner about to be rescued.

According to CNN, he has been with his partner, Jessica Yanez, for some 25 years. In one of the letters he sent back up to the surface, he reportedly told Jessica, “I’m rethinking this. Let’s do this properly,” and then requested a Catholic wedding Mass.

The story resonated with a Texan fashion designer, who has been emailing Jessica and is designing a wedding gown for her, according to CNN. “It’s going to be in a champagne color, I understand,” reported an on-located CNN journalist. “It’s going to have sequins and beads on an outer layer, a sheer champagne layer underneath, a lace jacket. It is going to be a beautiful affair.”

Amazing how things come to light when you’re trapped half a mile below ground. “I was with God and with the devil – and I reached out for God,” Mario Sepulveda, the second rescued miner, said in an interview.

The ninth rescued miner, 63-year-old Mario Gomez, dropped to his knees after he emerged, bowing his head in prayer and clutching the Chilean flag.

Imagine the many prayers that preceded that moment – cries for help, Hail Marys, soundless pleas.

The most grueling battles between good and evil, hope and despair, are often waged in isolation – one person, one choice. Catholic singles know this.

We all have an opportunity to learn from these miners, to choose hope over despair, to let hardship deepen faith, and to finally make changes.

If you were to be trapped below ground, what bold step might you be inspired to take?

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit CatholicMatch.com for additional resources. Today’s article was written by Meg McDonnell for CatholicMatch.com.

Ever wonder how much love costs? It’s got to be a pretty hefty price tag to start a new relationship — the dates, the new clothes, the cell-phone overage charges. No doubt, the wallets of both men and women (mostly the man if he’s a gentleman) take a hit at the start of a new relationship.

And most have noticed the lack of free time, which can easily eliminate quality time with friends. But did you know that the actual cost of love, as it relates to those bonds, istwo friends?

While starting a new romance can be an exciting experience, anthropologists at Oxford University have discovered it can also come at the price of shrinking your social network.

They have found that on average people have two fewer close friends when they are in romantic relationships than when they are single.

A surprise finding to some of the anthropologists who led this, but I would gather not too much of a surprise to readers here. And it probably isn’t a surprise to this Irish columnist, who says “best friendships are a precursor to romance”:

These are the friendships that mark your life and in many ways contribute to who you become, it’s someone with an influence to compete with your family and the oracle “my teacher.” A friendship like this is a place to grow away from your family in safety, a next step. And precisely because of what they give you, independence, they commit a sort of harakiri.

A next step in obsessive best friends is romance, and the best friend left behind often feeling, well, dumped. Along has come someone who offers not only competition, but another level.

A level of intimacy that all individuals long for. This intimacy includes an appreciation for one another’s personalities, gifts, and strengths, while challenging one another to grow in virtue – if and when it reaches a certain level of seriousness, a love that’s unconditional in nature, mirroring the love of God.

So while you may lose a best friend at the start of a new relationship, what you’re hopefully gaining — a best friend like no other — is a priceless gain.

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit

“Why do you have to go to the Internet?”, Monique wondered, as she weighed the pros and cons of joining Catholic Match. It seemed so unnecessary to the delivery nurse and practicing Catholic and perhaps even a drawback. It would be a stretch to say she had a sudden transformation—but hearing about CM through outlets like EWTN, made her decide to give it a chance. There were no expectations, just a willingness to see what played out.

Monique got an emotigram from gentleman named David. She didn’t know it was one of numerous emotes David had sent out. Unwilling to simply stand by as a passive observer, David decided to simply initiate very light contact with those with whom there might be a spark of interest, and see what played out from there. Both of them had the benefit of approaching the world of online dating with realistic expectations and openness to what God might have in store for them.

David was fortunate enough to receive a wide variety of feedback from his emotes, but Monique had a decided advantage—that of locality. She noticed the man who contacted her was from her hometown, and upon noting where in town he lived, figured he probably went to St. Anne’s Parish. As it turned out he went to St. Sylvester’s…as did she.

Their approach to seeing each other was very much akin to the approach to online dating in general. They were relaxed, they enjoyed each other’s company and a healthy willingness to see if more might be there, without trying to force it. This was also a product of necessity—while both were divorced, only David was set with his annulment. Monique had to go through the process. It took time, but also allowed them to deepen their relationship. One of their dates was to a Brad Paisley concert. When the country singer began his hit “Waiting On A Woman”, David shouted “That’s my theme song!”

Waiting was made more bearable by the fact both had a strong foundation in Faith. Both were already doing Eucharistic Adoration at St. Sylvester’s. David was part of the Relay For Life, another place where they nearly walked into each other before their CM days, but never quite met. It was important to both that they find a practicing Catholic—having seen their first marriages not work out, both had clear ideas of pitfalls to avoid and they freely discussed them with each other. “The seven faith questions were important to me”, Monique recalled. “Either you’re in or you’re out.”

There were no shortage of good times, including humorous ones in the course of their courtship. Prior to their first date, David needed to have his eyes dilated, so he had to show up having trouble with his vision. With Monique not having her picture posted online, he had no idea what she looked like. Flying blind, in more ways than one, he continually asked incoming women “Are you Monique?” One of them chuckled and said “You’re on a blind date, aren’t you?”

And in the midst of the good times, there were the life situations where they demonstrated character to each other. David’s son has two transplants, and the way he cared for the boy made a big impression on Monique, who deals with cancer in her eye. “He didn’t shy away”, Monique said. “God puts people in our life for a reason and sometimes you just have to trust.”

The trust they showed in following God’s plan is not only working for them, but extending to others. A friend of Monique’s inquired how she met her new husband. Upon hearing, the friend figured at first that online dating wasn’t for her. But like Monique, she decided to give it a chance. And like Monique, she is now getting married.

David and Monique were wed on April 10 of this year and there are surely lessons that all can draw from them. They knew what they wanted and were willing to learn from previous experiences. They were cautious, yet open. They had a balanced courtship, mixed with good times and seeing the other respond to life’s trials. It all added up to something special. While dating, both were in the church together, and in the course of activity, ended up in front of the altar, where a picture was spontaneously taken. It proved to be a sign of greater things to come.

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit

As I mentioned in last month’s column , on July 3rd I’ll celebrate my first wedding anniversary with Peter Weinert, my incredible husband whom I met on CatholicMatch.com. Throughout this first year of our marriage, we’ve told our ‘ Catholic Match Success Story ‘ countless times in answer to the classic newlywed question ‘So…how did you two meet?’

Along with the questions for more details about our story, Peter and I also receive a lot of solicitations from single people for advice on how to act, react, and not act on a dating website.

When a person initially joins an online singles service, the enormous number of fellow members, online activities, and suggested additions to your personal profile can be intimidating. Many of us have learned the hard way what works and what doesn’t in online behavior and online meetings. Last month I shared with you ten recommendations for interaction on a dating website. This month I’d like to share with you ten suggestions for what NOT to do online. It’s my hope that these tips will aid you in meeting your own special Catholic match very soon.

1. [Don't] Put a timeline on God and the Internet.

It’s not uncommon for a single person to create a profile on a dating website, pay for a six or twelve month subscription, and tell themselves that they’ll give the internet x-amount of months to work for them, after which they’ll call it quits.

I first signed up for a Catholic Match membership almost three years before I met my husband. I was often tempted to let my profile go inactive instead of renewing my membership. I am immensely grateful to God and my Guardian Angel, who must have inspired me to renew my membership that last time…which was three weeks before my (now) husband returned from a 19-month tour in Iraq with the U.S. military, signed up for the first time on Catholic Match, and started emailing me.

God’s timeline for meeting your future spouse might be utterly different than your own. Don’t place a deadline or a timeline on your online membership — trust God, and keep your profile active as much as possible.

2. [Don't] Pretend you’re interested when you’re really not.

You’re not being kind to your fellow Catholic Match member or to yourself if you pretend you’re interested in his or her attentions when in fact you are sure that you’re not. It is both unwise and uncharitable to waste an interested party’s time (let alone your own!) by feigning interest. Do the truly kind and honorable thing and graciously decline the attentions of someone who’s expressed interest that you cannot return.

3. [Don't] Date more than one person at the same time.

It can be tempting to fall into behavior on the Internet that you would never allow yourself in ‘real life’ scenarios. If you would not date more than one person at a time if you met in a bar, at a bowling alley, at church or at the dog park, then don’t date more than one woman or gentleman online either. I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t dialogue with more than one person at a time if you are single and unattached — it’s healthy to meet many people and learn as much as you can about them. However, if you’ve made a commitment to someone you met online to pursue them past the initial phases of online meeting, allow the two of you the necessary time and space to discern God’s will for the future.

4. [Don't] Say too much too soon.

In our age of virtual media and Web 2.0 technology, it’s tempting to disclose in a blog, on your Facebook wall, or in other social networking profiles, information that you would never disclose to a stranger you just met on a sidewalk outside your place of employment. And yet, millions of Internet users throw caution to the wind when it comes to posting private information about themselves on the Web. Be sensible and prudent in what you disclose to someone online whom you’ve never met in person — even when you meet on a Catholic website. It’s never wise to throw discretion to the wind — especially online. First allow your relationship to grow through emails, phone calls, and face-to-face meetings, building trust and friendship with each other.

5. [Don't] Set too narrow a radius for finding your Match.

It amazes me how many members of dating sites set a very narrow search radius for finding a spouse. I’ve read Catholic Match profiles where members state they want their match to be everything from: live in the same town, be a member of the same parish, or even live in the same part of town as they do.

Don’t severely limit the work of the Holy Spirit and the ability of an online singles site to help you find a beautiful, godly relationship. Unless you have a serious reason for doing so, expand your search radius and widen your acceptable range of travel to allow a special someone to fine you…even if it be from across the miles.

Peter and I lived over 500 miles apart from the moment we met on Catholic Match until the day we returned from our honeymoon and he took me home to Maryland. We spent every spare penny on plane tickets and gas mileage to make our dating and engagement relationship possible. I can honestly tell you — it was worth it a million trillion times over.

6. [Don't] Be a monopolizer

I absolutely love the Chat features on Catholic Match — what a great way to learn more about a potential suitor, especially before talking on the phone or in person. It’s a great ‘in between’ mode of communication between reading each other’s profiles and emailing each other, and meeting in person for the first time.

However, as much as I love the CM Chat features, as a single person I did not love being bombarded by chat invitations from the same people every single time I signed into my CM profile. I encountered some fellow users who it seemed hit the ‘Invite to Chat’ button every time they saw a buddy sign into their CM account. I’ve since heard from other online users that they too have encountered the occasional ‘chat-a-holic’ on a singles’ site.

Nobody likes to feel harassed or have their time completely monopolized online unless they are in a committed relationship or are discerning such a relationship with someone. Be respectful in how you use features like chats and emotigrams when contacting a fellow online member. Be friendly, show interest, and be up front with your intentions, but don’t use a dating website as a way to constantly monopolize the time and attentions of someone you are not interested in seriously pursuing.

7. [Don't] Be a nuisance.

If you’ve expressed interest in someone you met online and they have graciously but clearly declined your attentions, then do the honorable thing and move on.

Don’t be a nuisance who still browses the person’s profile every day, or sends frequent emotigrams, chat invitations, and emails ‘just to check in’. Courteously give the other person the space he or she deserves, especially if the person has been up front and honest in turning you down.

8. [Don't] Get discouraged after your first online disappointment or breakup.

Relationship disappointments and breakups hurt — sometimes very badly. It’s easy to feel like throwing in the towel and calling it quits after your first online disappointment. However, be encouraged that God often uses our brokenness and discouragement to teach us important lessons about ourselves, about life, and about what we should be looking for in a future relationship.

I remember when my first relationship that stemmed from meeting online ended. It had been a long distance relationship, and in the aftermath I wasn’t sure I wanted to try online dating or long distance relationships again any time soon. I’m so glad I persevered through my disappointment and found the courage to try again. If I hadn’t, I’m not sure how or when I would have ever met the man whom God brought into my life to be my husband.

9. [Don't] Blame Catholic Match or online dating in general when a relationship doesn’t work out.

I’ll never forget the phone call I received from my girlfriend about 10 minutes after she had experienced her first online dating disappointment. She was calling to inform me that she was planning to cancel her Catholic Match account because the whole ‘online thing’ obviously wasn’t working.

I asked my friend if she had met the same guy at a country club, would she be calling to cancel her golf membership because of the breakup? She agreed that of course she wouldn’t.

Remember that a dating website is a means for meeting people — one fantastic means among many other wonderful ways to meet your future spouse. Don’t blame Catholic Match, or any other online site, for your dating disappointments. It’s not the website’s fault; it’s a natural part of life that happens to most of us. Canceling your CM account after a disappointment won’t help your chances of finding a spouse in the long run, and in fact can only harm your chances.

10. [Don't] Forget to pray for a spouse.

‘Ask, and it shall be given you: seek, and you shall find: knock, and it shall be opened to you.’ — Matthew 7:7

Stephanie Wood Weinert is a freelance writer, media personality, wife and stay-at-home-mom. She works part-time from home for Family Life Center International. Stephanie and Peter live in Virginia with their newborn son Mark. You can contact Stephanie through her 4Marks profile at www.4marks.com/StephanieWood

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit

Did you know that your friends are a powerful (but underestimated) weapon against disease, depression, anxiety and stress–that may even prolong your life?

• Friends keep us healthy! A Duke University study showed that patients who had fewer than four friends were more than twice as likely to die from heart disease! (1) Of women suffering from breast cancer, those who had few close friends were four times as likely to die as women with ten or more friends.
• Friends improve our outlook on life. A recent study showed that when someone had a friend with them, they were more optimistic in estimating the difficulty of a task than those who faced the task alone. College students from the University of Virginia were fitted with heavy backpacks and taken to the base of a steep hill. Students who had a friend standing next to them, saw the hill as less steep. The longer the friendship, the less steep the hill appeared!
• Friends can reduce pain. According to a new study by UCLA psychologists, just thinking about a loved one reduces physical pain(2)!

Social scientists have examined how friendships develop. Initially, we may be drawn to someone because of a physical attraction or because of our contact with him or her at work or school. A friendship may subsequently develop through sharing mutual interests, having similar attitudes and values, or simply because of close proximity (which tends to accentuate our feelings—whether positive or negative—about those with whom we are in continual contact). Then, we begin to feel comfortable sharing intimate thoughts and feelings and we care about their wellbeing almost as much as we do our own.

What they don’t know, however, is why friendship is so important. And they can only speculate why friends help us live longer, healthier, and happier lives.

Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that we are created in the image and likeness of God. And God himself is a communion of persons. “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). As Pope John Paul II explained in his catechesis on Genesis, it is precisely in the communion of persons that man becomes the image of God.

Friendship is vital for a full life. Jesus had friends. He often spent time with Lazarus, Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-42). He wept when Lazarus died and then raised him from the dead (11:1-44). He spent his ministry in the close companionship with his disciples, one of whom was known as the “disciple whom Jesus loved” (cf John 13:23, John 21:7, and John 21: 20).

Friends are faithful. Like Naomi’s daughter-in-law Ruth, “Do not ask me to abandon or forsake you! For wherever you go I will go, wherever you lodge I will lodge, your people shall be my people, and your God my God” (Ruth 1:16).

Friends seek the best for each other, for the other’s sake . This is the “virtuous” friendship that Aristotle deemed the highest form of friendship. True friends will seek what is best for each other—for their friends’ sake, not for selfish or utilitarian reasons. As John Paul II wrote in Love and Responsibility , “Anyone who treats a person as the means to an end does violence to the very essence of the other” (Wojtyla 27). A true friend never uses someone for selfish reasons. Furthermore, a true friend will seek what is best for his friend. We intuitively grasp this truth. We typically describe a friend as someone we trust, whose company we enjoy, who accepts us and cares about us, and with whom we feel comfortable sharing our intimate thoughts and feelings.

We may have 300 “friends” on Facebook, but most of these will be acquaintances with whom we share impersonal news or who are tangentially related through other acquaintances. The true friend (Aristotle’s virtuous friend) is one who cares for us for our own sake (not because he is getting something out of it), who strives after virtue, and who wants what is truly the best for us.

Next month, I will look at unhealthy friendships.

Laraine Bennett co-authored with her husband, Art, The Temperament God Gave You and The Temperament God Gave Your Spouse (both from Sophia Institute Press ). Laraine has a BA in Philosophy from Santa Clara University and an MA in Philosophy from the University of California, Santa Barbara. Laraine and her husband have been married for 32 years and have four children — one of each temperament.

Footnotes
1)Tom Rath, Vital Friends. New York: Gallup Press, 2006.
2)University of California – Los Angeles. “Thinking of a Loved One Can Reduce Your Pain.” ScienceDaily 14 November 2009. 26 May 2010

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit  CatholicMatch.com for additional resources. Today’s article was written by Stephanie Weinert of CatholicMatch.com. Stephanie Weinert will soon celebrate her first wedding anniversary.

On July 3rd, the Feast of St. Thomas the Apostle, I’ll celebrate my first wedding anniversary with Peter Weinert, my incredible husband whom I met on CatholicMatch.com. Throughout this first year of our marriage, we’ve told our Catholic Match Success Story countless times in answer to the classic newlywed question “So…how did you two meet?”

For us, the answer is usually preceded by a quick smile at each other and the silent question “which of us is going to tell the story this time?” We both know what will follow – a barrage of questions about online dating, long distance relationships, traveling, what initially attracted us to each other, how did we decide to join an internet dating service in the first place, who contacted who first, etc., etc., etc….

Along with the questions for more details about our story, Peter and I also receive a lot of solicitations from single people for advice on how to act, react, and not act on a dating website.

When a person initially joins an online singles service, the enormous number of fellow members, online activities, and suggested additions to your personal profile can be intimidating. Many of us have learned the hard way what works and what doesn’t in online behavior and online meetings. This month and next, I’d like to share with you some of the top “do’s and don’ts” I learned through trial and error as a CM member. It’s my hope that these lessons will aid you in meeting your own special someone online.

1. Keep an open mind.
Keeping an open mind when browsing profiles or reading emails from fellow site members can be one of the most difficult, and yet most beneficial, ways a picky person like myself can help his or her online chances.

Don’t narrow your search criteria by non-important things like “I only date blondes” or “I only date Pittsburgh Steelers fans” or “I only date guys who are over 6 feet tall and have a master’s degree.” [Note – some of these comments might seem over the top, but all of these come from real-life conversations with picky single people.]

Keep an open mind and a receptive heart that the person you will ultimately be attracted to might not be anything like your preconceived notions of what would make you the happiest in marriage.

2. Pictures are important!
For better or worse, God made us visual people. You will significantly limit your chances of meeting someone online if you decide not to post a profile picture and a picture album on your CM page.

My advice is to post several pictures in your profile. Upload a thumbnail for your profile picture that is a close-up and honest depiction of what you really look like (i.e., not a picture of yourself 10 pounds and 10 years younger than you are now). When you add a photo album of additional pictures to your profile, don’t make them all head-and-neck-shots. Share pictures that depict you in a wide variety of situations. A formal picture or two is great, but also include action shots of yourself that depict you in everyday life situations.

3. Take the temperaments test.
I’m personally very grateful to Art and Larraine Bennett for their book The Temperament God Gave You , and their work creating the Catholic Match temperaments test. You will gain boatloads of valuable insights into yourself, others, and how you will relate to a potential spouse, through the study and evaluation of the temperament God blessed you with. It’s a valuable tool that shouldn’t be dismissed.

4. Think before you write.
How many Catholic Match profiles have you come across that start with a sentence such as : “Friends would describe me as…” Or “My name is (fill in blank) and I am (fill in blank years old). Or another for instance: “I’m basically just your average single Catholic – I like sports, movies, walks on the beach, and my family and Catholic faith are very important to me.” Or my personal pet peeve: “Well, I really hate talking about myself, but I have to write something, so here goes!”

If more than ten thousand fellow CM users could begin their profile description with the same paragraph you just wrote, what makes you think yours is going to be more captivating to a potential spouse than the umpteen profiles that sound just like yours?

Take more than 5 minutes to think about how you want to describe yourself and what you are looking for before you start filling out information in your online profile. The more information you include…the more creative you are…the more honest your personal assessment (not just what your friends would say about you)…the better chance you’ll have of attracting what you’re looking for.

Final hint: ask a friend to evaluate what you’ve written for its honesty and creativity before you post it.

5. Forums form relationships.
It’s not the most useful course of action to fill out the CM registration page, pay for your subscription, and then sit idly in front of your laptop waiting for the spouse of your dreams to find you online. Participate frequently in Catholic Match forum discussions, polls, and group chats. I personally know several happily married couples who met each other as a result of dynamic (and sometimes feisty!) discussions in some of the CM Forum Rooms. The more you form a presence online, the greater your chances of being noticed by the right person who’s looking for you.

6. Meet in person as soon as possible.
A wise friend told me many years ago, “There is no such thing as ‘online dating.’ Online is for meeting people – the dating must be done in person.” How very true this is!

Just because you meet your boyfriend or girlfriend at a bowling alley doesn’t mean the two of you spend your whole relationship dating at a bowling alley. That would be ridiculous, right? Just the same, a singles website is a wonderful means for making those initial acquaintances, but it’s not a great place to get to know a person for the long term. It’s not wise to talk for 6, 9, even 12 months or longer, get emotionally attached to one another (and cut yourself off from other potential relationships) and THEN meet in person. You might be pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised by how the two of you interact and get along in person. If you meet someone online who piques your interest, meet in person as soon as possible to discover more about each other.

7. Utilize the advice of friends and family.
Shortly after your first in-person meeting, take some time to hang out with each other’s family and perhaps a group of close friends. The feedback, reactions, and comments or criticism of those who love you most are extremely valuable to you at the beginning of a new relationship.

8. Keep other options open.
It can be tempting to sign up on a singles website, pay your one year subscription fee, and then think to yourself “well I better find my spouse on here now that I’ve paid my dues!” Some people join a singles website and subsequently stop going to local singles events, church events, retreats, and mixers in their hometown. This type of behavior is not availing yourself of the greatest potential for finding the spouse of your dreams. You want to be active online and in your local community, placing yourself in as many prime situations as possible to meet your mate.

Bottom line? Don’t rely solely on one source of meeting people – be proactive in as many ways as you can!

9. Don’t stay online 24/7.
Number 9 corresponds closely with my #8 piece of advice, but unfortunately it bears mentioning in its own right: don’t become a Catholic Match addict, or bury yourself on any other singles website. In addition to spending time online meeting people, you need to get off the internet, get out of your house, and be active in your local community. God did not make you to be fulfilled hibernating on the internet, even for the very good reason of searching for a spouse. Certainly stay active in the online community and spend time online often, but don’t make an online singles website your life. Get out and live it.

10. Raphael is your best bud.

The patron of Catholic Match is St. Raphael the Archangel, the patron of happy meetings and single people. This glorious archangel is a wise friend and constant supplicant on behalf of the needs of single people before the throne of God. Ask for his assistance in finding your spouse! There are several prayers and novenas to St. Raphael that you can access online. One example of a St. Raphael prayer can be found here: http://www.straphael.net/prayers/saint-raphael-catholic-singles.php

Next month: Ten “Don’ts” for Online Meetings….

Stephanie Wood Weinert is a freelance writer, media personality, wife and mom-to-be. She works part-time from home for Family Life Center International. Stephanie and Peter live in Gainesville, Virginia. You can contact Stephanie through her 4Marks profile at www.4marks.com/StephanieWood

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit  CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

If you’re single and looking to connect with other Catholic singles, we invite you to visit  CatholicMatch.com for additional resources. Today’s article was written by

Do your emotions sometimes spin out of control? Do you fly off the handle at an innocent remark? Does anger or resentment get in the way of your relationships? Or do you fear strong emotions and avoid expressing your own?

Our emotions are vital to a healthy Christian life. Emotions tell us something important about ourselves, the world, and about our key relationships. Fear alerts us to danger, injustice provokes anger, and we rejoice in the presence of a loved one. As the Catechism tells us , through our emotions we intuit the good and suspect evil. Emotions are our God-given radar.

Sometimes couples will shy away from sharing their true feelings, fearing conflict. But, as Catholic attorney and mediator Mary Meade points out, conflict is actually healthy for couples—as long as they know how to discuss their differences respectfully and lovingly, without abusing, belittling, or being contemptuous. Honest expression of our feelings (even the more intense ones) is normal and healthy for a relationship.

But sometimes, our emotions can spin out of control and push people away. We burst into tears at a perceived slight or we are nearly incapacitated by fear and anxiety. We might struggle with anger (see my previous column ) or with deep resentments. Some of us over-react when criticized, while others withdraw or become emotionally distant.

I once had a colleague who would become contemptuous and hurl angry insults whenever she was criticized (even necessary, constructive criticism). As a result, her co-workers refrained from giving helpful feedback and often walked around on eggshells around her. Her tendency to over-react actually had roots in emotional wounds from childhood. As an adult, it is difficult for her to hear criticism without feeling rage.

Our emotional reactions often signal us that we need to resolve some issue from the past. An inappropriate emotional response—for example, flying into a rage over a colleague’s critical comment—may indicate that we have a wound related to neglect, abuse, or other serious trauma. Our fear or anger shows that we have some personal issues that need to be addressed. Psychologist Paul Ekman (whose pioneering work on emotions and facial expressions is portrayed in the TV show Lie to Me ) describes an occasion when he over-reacted to his wife not calling him when she was out of town on a business trip. He experienced waves of anger, fear, and jealousy while waiting for her call…emotions triggered by his sensitivity to abandonment, due to his mother’s premature death when he was only fourteen years old.

Not all past wounds are as poignant as a death of a parent, physical abandonment or sexual abuse. A child can be wounded by lack of affection, the silent withdrawal of a father into his work, or a chaotic homelife where daily battles raged. John Eldredge says that “every man carries a wound.” And that wound carries a negative message: you aren’t good enough, you’re not a man, you aren’t loveable, you don’t have what it takes, you can’t trust anyone.

Unmet emotional needs can result in fears of abandonment and rejection (which, in turn, can give rise to anxious, depressed, or angry feelings) and in shame ( there must be something wrong with me that I was abused or mistreated ). Feelings of helplessness and self-loathing take a tremendous toll on our personal integrity and our interpersonal relationships. Yet we can be unaware of this toll. It’s hard to see how our own woundedness impacts our present and future relationships. We may over-react or under-react emotionally, become over-sensitive or overly critical, fly into rages, attempt to control others or act perfect, or use alcohol or other substances to lessen the pain from the emotional wound. These wounds can hold us back from living the abundant life God calls us to.

We are all wounded in some way. It’s the effect of Original Sin. Pope Benedict says that the ultimate fear every human being faces is complete aloneness, existential abandonment. “In the last analysis all the fear in the world is the fear of this loneliness…the loneliness into which love can no longer advance.” Deep down, underneath the scars of past and present wounds, we fear isolation, abandonment, loneliness. Someone contradicts us or ignores us and the wound is re-opened.

The good news is that Christ, the Divine Physician, not only heals our souls, but also our emotional wounds. We are never too stuck or too wounded for his healing grace. Christ wants us to be healed in this life. He has come to set us free!

This does not mean that all of our problems will disappear, for Christ warns us, “In the world you will have trouble” (Jn 16:33). Yet Scripture repeatedly reassures us (some say, 365 times!) to fear not. Fear is opposed to love, but “perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:18). Not only does perfect love (God Himself) free us from fear, but our own efforts to love more perfectly (that is, to love with Christ’s love) can work toward dispelling our own fears. We all want to feel safe and secure, to feel loved and validated for who we are. In our healthy relationships, this happens. But even our deepest human relationships are limited. Ultimately, only Christ can fill the “eternity-shaped hole” in our hearts and free us from fear, anxiety, and resentment. “Christ strode through the gate of our final loneliness…in his Passion he went down into the abyss of our abandonment,” writes Pope Benedict. Through God’s grace and with the help of our loved ones who remain affirming, trustworthy, and loving, we can begin to transform our negative emotions of fear, anxiety, anger or shame into those of love, joy and peace.

Laraine Bennett co-authored with her husband, Art, The Temperament God Gave You and The Temperament God Gave Your Spouse (both from Sophia Institute Press ). Laraine has a BA in Philosophy from Santa Clara University and an MA in Philosophy from the University of California, Santa Barbara. Laraine and her husband have been married for 32 years and have four children — one of each temperament.

[1] Paul Ekman, Emotions Revealed. New York: Henry Holt and Company, 2003, p. 78.
[1] Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, Introduction to Christianity. San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1990, 2004, p. 301.
[1] ibid. page 302.
[1] Psychotherapy may be required, especially when there is serious trauma from the past.

If you’re single, or have a family member or friend who may be leading a single lifestyle, please share this article with them and refer them to CatholicMatch.com for additional resources. Today’s article was written by Nance & Tony of CatholicMatch.com.

I had been on CatholicMatch for almost three years back in 2006 and honestly, I was at a point in my life where I was not even contemplating marriage anymore. I assumed that it was not my destiny to marry; that God must have other plans for me, so I decided to discern religious life. I was in the midst of investigating several orders and had been in discussions with a few. In the meantime, I continued to practice one of my greatest passions…debating politics! Catholic Match provides a great outlet in their forums and I found myself posting often in, what is affectionately known as, “the war room”, aka, St. Thomas More.

So, here I was, minding my own business, posting in St. Thomas Moore when along comes some tough guy accusing me of being, of all things, a FEMINIST!  Well, I had to set him straight a bit…we went back and forth via the forums discussing the topic at hand until finally the thread was closed due to size. Well, I was in no way about to allow him the last word (not a BIT of feminism in me at all) so I shot him an email to further explain my position.

Mind you, I NEVER initiated contact with men, as I believe it is the man’s place to take the lead and as I stated above, I was not interested in seeking a relationship any longer. In any case, I was replying to a post and I just had to speak my peace.  Of course, that prompted a reply from him, which then brought another from me, etc., etc., so on and so on.

Needless to say, in the process, we discovered we have a great deal in common (scary as that may be to some) and actually enjoyed our easy banter back and forth on the issues we don’t exactly see eye to eye on.

In addition, however, this gentleman was in the process of “researching” faith. He had been to a variety of different church services, Protestant, Lutheran, Episcopal, and even one of those “non-denominational” types…but he kept finding that the only service that made sense and felt “real” was the Catholic Mass. Yes…this gentleman joined Catholic Match (CM), not as a Catholic…but as someone looking for answers in regards to the faith.

Of course, our political discussions eventually led us to discussions of faith and he had many, many questions. Questions that perhaps a few years back, I would not have been able to adequately answer…but since I had been on CM and participated in the forums, I found I learned a great deal and have grown in my own faith. Participating in the forums, particularly the Apologetic forums, where the faith is discussed with not only much emotion, but also with extensive knowledge by some CMer’s, provides a great learning atmosphere. I found that many of the discussions in those forums prompted me to seek my own answers and research our faith further…and all of which, helped me guide Tony in his research as well.

Eventually, Tony and I moved from CM emails and chat sessions to phone calls. Both of us anxiously anticipated each new conversation we would share and the phone calls began to get longer and longer, sometimes with us on the phone for six hours! This went on for several months and we decided that at the end of six months, if we were still as excited to talk with one another and still were enjoying learning about each other that we would meet in person. We didn’t actually pick six months on purpose, it just sort of worked out that way; as we planned to spend a weekend together, Tony coming out to California to visit me from Chicago. We picked our weekend based on a shared interest, air shows. The first weekend that October was the Mira Mar Air Show and we thought it would be a great event for us to share together. At least we would have lots of things to discuss as we would spend the day looking at all the planes and watching them fly about. Tony had never been to an air show and I basically was raised at them, with a father that was a pilot. So, it was all set…the first weekend in October, if we were still chatting, Tony would come visit.

Sure enough, we were, he did and it was the most wonderful weekend. Honestly, it couldn’t have gone better. Meeting in person was just sort of a formality. We had learned so much about each other already and had such a comfortable and wonderful friendship that seeing each other for the first time was just very natural and easy.

From there, of course, the story is much longer, but basically…we promised to visit each other as often as possible. Thankfully, I had a job that allowed me to travel and since I worked from home, it didn’t matter where my “home” was…so I was able to visit Tony quite often without worrying about taking time off.

Since then, Tony and I have come to discover we have similar thoughts on how to raise a family and what we desire for our future, we share similar beliefs, values and ideals in pretty much all of life’s topics, we are first and foremost great friends and most of all, we both understand that without God we won’t be able to achieve anything, nor will we want to.

Tony called me one day, shortly after our first visit, to tell me that he had just come in from his first RCIA meeting and asked if I would be his sponsor. What a wonderful surprise that was and what an honor for me. Tony was confirmed through RCIA at the Easter vigil, 2008.

Our relationship continued to grow and we knew God had something wonderful planned for us. Together, we took time to always put God first. We would say the Rosary together at night via the phone. We said Novenas together and we often discussed our thoughts on the Gospels. We made a vow to always let God lead us and recited together often, “Jesus, I trust in You”.

We both experienced a great deal during our three-year courtship. After eight years with my company, I was laid off. Tony, being in the commercial construction industry, was in and out of work several times. We both own our homes, but both of us were dealt a blow when the housing industry dropped in value. After much contemplation and discussion, we finally made the decision that either our relationship was going to end or we had to move forward. Both of us being out work, traveling to visit one another was just no longer an option. So…last May, I flew to Chicago to help Tony rent his condo, pack him up and drive across country to live out here in California. We took a big chance, but honestly, had nothing to lose…so we once again, placed our trust in Jesus and let Him lead the way.

We were very fortunate to find wonderful tenants, almost immediately after we decided to rent Tony’s condo. We packed up and had a very pleasant journey together, where we learned even more about each other along the way. Tony moved into my house (don’t get excited now…my mom lives here too and Tony had his own room!) and believe it or not, Tony, who had been out of work for the past six months, found a job in less than a month out here and has been working fulltime ever since, in the industry most heavily hit, nationwide and in particular here in CA, by unemployment! If that’s not a miracle, we don’t know what is!

Obviously, since Tony moved, we knew our relationship would be moving forward again, but were unsure of when or how. Again, with me being out of work, money was tight and finances have been a big worry. But once again, we placed our trust in our Lord and in September of last year, Tony asked me “formally” to marry him. Of course, I was thrilled and immediately said yes and then the planning began!!

We picked our wedding date, based on a couple of things, but one of the biggest being that February 6th is the birthday of one of the men we admire most, our hero, Ronald Reagan. We decided to get married at my family parish in San Diego, where three of my brothers were married as well. We were blessed to have a good friend marry us, Fr. Bill and our nuptial Mass was very traditional and simply beautiful. The whole day, for us, was an absolute dream come true.

We thank Catholic Match for being a part of our story. Obviously, we know we never would have met otherwise. We continue to place our trust in Jesus, as I am still out of work. But we know that God has led us this far and as long as we continue to follow His path we will continue to be blessed abundantly.

As for any advice we have, well…be patient, be honest, be yourself and most of all, be with God, always. Praise Him for all that you have…ask Him for all that you desire…and then trust in Him to deliver it! Matthew 7: 7-9

If you’re single, or have a family member or friend who may be leading a single lifestyle, please share this article with them and refer them to CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

If you’re single, or have a family member or friend who may be leading a single lifestyle, please share this article with them and refer them to CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.  Today’s article was written by Stephanie Weinert of CatholicMatch.com.

I spent this past New Years Eve in Orlando, Florida. It was a New Years Eve I won’t soon forget – not only because I spent it with 4,000 other Catholic young adults at the Marriott World Convention Center (we were all gathered for the FOCUS National Conference: www.focusconference.org), but also because of the discussion and controversy the question in this article’s title sparked at the event.

One of the talks I presented at FOCUS was called “Don’t Settle.” In a nutshell, it was a challenge to my peers to keep their standards high as they searched for a spouse, and to avoid the danger of compromising their standards – which is a natural and frequent byproduct of loneliness, discouragement, and anxiety when time marches on and you are still single and waiting.

I discussed several traps Catholic singles can fall into by lowering their standards while in search of a date. Over the next few months, I hope to discuss some of these fatal traps with my Catholic Match readers.

This month I’d like to tell you about the trap that received the most significant response from my audience at the FOCUS conference. Young adults stood in line for up to three hours after my talk to get a chance to tell me what they thought of my treatment of one simple question. It’s a question that many Catholic singles have asked themselves over the years: “Should I only date someone who is Catholic?”

If we are honest about it, all Catholic singles who take their Faith seriously desire a spouse who can share in, support, and encourage that same faith in Jesus Christ and His Church. It’s as natural as desiring a spouse who also loves to drink coffee in the mornings and who loves dogs as much as you do, or whatever the case may be.

However, I’ve noticed that many “relationships experts” – even those who tell singles to pursue someone with as much in common as possible and who compliments them in many and varying ways – STILL are often afraid to say “it’s best to find someone who shares your faith.” After all, it doesn’t sound politically correct or open-minded to say “be picky about the religion issue.”

Even worse, are the “relationships experts” who try to use scare tactics on single Catholics regarding the faith question. Many of you may have been told something similar to the following (I know I have!): “You don’t want to be single for the rest of your life, do you??? Then you need to stop being so picky and expand your horizons by dating people who aren’t Catholic!”

Sure it’s easier to find dates who do not share our Faith. We don’t need relatives or relationships experts to tell us that. What we DO need to be encouraged and challenged to do, though, is to not lose sight of what is critically important to each of us in a future spouse.

In my talk at the FOCUS conference, I didn’t mention any statistics or professional research on the marital satisfaction of those couples with a shared faith vs. an interfaith marriage. I didn’t mention the researched effects on children of interfaith vs. same-faith marriages. I didn’t even mention what happens to a couple’s probability of divorce based on whether they share the same religion or not.

I just asked each of the Catholic singles present a simple question: “Is having a Catholic spouse vitally important to YOU?”

Instead of getting caught up in whether or not you can make a mixed-marriage work, whether or not you’ll be a confirmed bachelor or old maid if you don’t expand your dating horizons…be honest with yourself about how deeply a shared faith with your Better Half means to you.

When my husband was young, his oldest sister gave him a piece of advice that Peter says stuck with him through all his single years. She said “when you date someone, ask yourself if you died suddenly and this person was left to raise your young children in your absence, could you die with confidence knowing that your spouse would do everything in her power to ensure that your family would be with you in Heaven someday?”

Peter said that became his dating litmus test, because he realized how deeply he desired a spouse who could share his love for Catholicism with him, but also to pass it on to his children someday.

As for myself, I often thought about things like:

• It would give me a profound sense of loneliness if I sat in a pew every Sunday without my husband there – and it would make me feel even worse if I was taking kids to church every Sunday by myself.
• Even if I married a guy who respected my faith enough to sit in the pew with me on Sunday, it would be really hard to go up and receive the sacraments alone for the rest of my life.
• Would my children be baptized and raised Catholic?
• How would I feel never sharing the sacraments (especially Eucharist and Confession) with my spouse?
• What would it feel like to perhaps never pray together as a couple?
• Would my children feel a pressure to choose one religion over the other when they were older, even if they had been baptized Catholic?

The more I thought about different interfaith scenarios, the more convinced I became that I truly desired to marry a Catholic more than anything else in the world. I realized that a shared Catholic faith was really the bedrock of everything I hoped for in marriage. My desire to only marry a Catholic thus defined my dating choices.

At the FOCUS conference, I challenged my audience to ask themselves the same questions I asked myself, to think about different scenarios down the road in married life, to determine what they truly desired for their future.

After the talk, I was mobbed by young adults who wanted to tell me their personal stories of wrestling with this question. Many of them were the children of interfaith marriages, and wanted to share how their parents made things work (or what didn’t work). Some were irate that I would even bring up this topic, because it’s too personal and too sensitive to talk about with a large audience. Others thanked me profusely for reinforcing their courage to stick to their standards. Most of the singles I talked to, even the ones currently in dating relationships with someone non-Catholic, expressed a deep desire to be mated to someone who shared their Catholic faith.

“I think we’re all just scared that we’ll end up single for the rest of our lives if we remain that picky about the Catholic faith topic” one young man said to me.

He’s right. Many single Catholics are more scared of being alone than feeling potentially lonely in an interfaith marriage. And yes, this is an issue that is extremely personal to each single Catholic in their prospective situations. The “trap” that many singles fall into is being influenced in their decision by other people or other fears, instead of focusing on what YOU really desire, and what GOD desires for you.

I’ll leave you with the same food for thought that I left the single Catholics at the FOCUS conference:

If God your Creator is also your Heavenly Father , and if you feel that HE has placed deep in your heart a desire to be united in the sacrament of marriage with someone who shares your Catholic faith, do you trust Him enough with your future to wait as long as it takes for the right person?

If you do, then you have nothing to worry about.

* * *

“Do not be mismated with unbelievers…For we are the temple of the living God.” – St. Paul (2 Corinthians 6:14, 16)

Stephanie Weinert can be reached at stephanie@catholicmatch.com

If you’re single, or have a family member or friend who may be leading a single lifestyle, please share this article with them and refer them to CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

If you’re single, or have a family member or friend who may be leading a single lifestyle, please share this article with them and refer them to CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

It’s not a fairy tale, but it’s a beautiful story nonetheless–one of Derek and Natasha growing with God and now with each other.

Natasha and I met on Catholic Match right after Easter. She had lived here for a good long time and I was just getting back from a deployment in Afghanistan. It started with an emotigram that led into a message, which sparked a chain of emails about how we arrived to our place in our faith. Mostly, I was happy to just find a girl who lived less than an hour away after being a member on this site for a year and a half. After a few days of chatting with her online I went to meet her at the young adults group she attends at St. Francis in Henderson. The first week I had just missed her when trying to show at the group’s meeting and surprise her, but found success just a week later. We went out for lunch and ended up spending the whole day together just talking and getting to know each other.

The next few months were a whirlwind of movement. I was trying to close on a house while travelling between Las Vegas and San Diego for work, which put me in and out of hotels and friends’ houses every 2-3 weeks. There was an 8-week period where I was trying to find the right parish when Tash and I didn’t go to the same one twice. Even so, we would get together for dinner at either my hotel or her apartment or get breakfast after Mass and talk about the readings and generally spend as much time getting to know each other as we could. We got to spend time with some of her incredibly large extended family at a family reunion where I was first introduced to many of them as her boyfriend. One of her cousins even warned her, “Just you watch. Those military guys move fast. After 6 months you’ll have a ring on your finger and it’ll just fly from there!” I would drive down to Anthem whenever I could to sit at her Starbucks and spend time with her while she was on break and she would bring out drinks while her coworkers cooed. We kept going to the young adults group and learning about our faith more in depth and rejoiced we were able to share it with each other. We were even bringing each other to confession on a regular basis, when before I met her I would only be going once or twice a year.

My mom was able to meet her on a trip out here in August. She was very happy to see the two of us together and even a little taken aback that I trusted Natasha enough to give her blank, signed checks to take care of some bills while I would be in Wisconsin for two months. Nevertheless, she took care of the place more than I ever could have expected any one to do so.

We both grew closer together even though we were several states apart. We would still call each other every day without fail and say rosaries for our intentions. Natasha started learning to bake cookies and would send me care packages, much to the joy of my office. We were even faced with many lessons of humility and forgiveness when plans we had made fell through and tested our respective characters. I returned feeling like we hadn’t missed a step and we carried on like we always had. We made plans to visit my mom in Virginia after Christmas and kept going to see the Trappist at St. Bridget celebrate the Mass in Latin.

Work and school kept the both of us busy through the rest of the fall and in December I finally decided to buy a ring. It was nervewracking standing at the jewelry counter in a place where most of my co-workers would likely see me, and even more so holding on to it for two and a half weeks so I could find the perfect spot. My mom was in on it and was having a hard time holding back her excitement when Natasha and I left for Skyline Drive. I had picked out the perfect spot with waterfalls and greenery I remembered hiking to many years ago. The ranger at the front gate told us there was only a short section open and the trails were likely snowed over so we could hike at our own risk. We came to a field full of deer grazing between the ice and admired it for a while, then started towards the trail I thought would take us to the waterfalls.

When we got there it was indeed snowed over and it turned out we were on the wrong end of the trail. To make things worse, we both had to go to the bathroom and most of them had been locked up for the winter. After finding some pit toilets, we came to a spot with a gorgeous view and several cars pulled up right as I was about to pull out the ring. A sign on the side of the road told me I only had a mile of road left before the park exit and I still hadn’t found a decent spot. We came to the second to last overlook. She gave me a weird look when I said I wanted to get out here and take a look around. We climbed down some rocks and around to the other side of the jut where I sat her down. She thought I was just fumbling for my camera until I pulled the ring out and knelt down in the snow and popped the question. Natasha was all excitement and tears after that. Mom was getting the celebration dinner ready when we got home and couldn’t hold her happiness back after we shared the news. We even managed to keep it mostly secret until Natasha could get back home and tell her mom in person.

It’s been a good story so far. Not a fairytale, mind you, but just two Catholics growing together through God.

If you’re single, or have a family member or friend who may be leading a single lifestyle, please share this article with them and refer them to CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

In this Deacon Moment, Tom Fox shares two stories of surrender by Catholic Moms. Tom proposes consideration of a Lenten goal of surrender for parents and spouses.

Avery (www.livewtl.com) talks about evangelizing as a teen by following St. Francis of Assisi’s advice to be Christian examples in the world.

Lisa Mladnich shares a few “amazing” lesson planning tips.

Inspired by a comment by Sherri Antonetti, Sarah Reinhard reflects on Mary’s effort and obedience in this week’s Mary Moment.

Please consider joining us in support of the SQPN.com Giving Campaign.  Your donations will help us to continue in this important evangelization work.

This episode of Catholic Moments is sponsored by CatholicMatch.com, the Leading Catholic Singles Community.  Share your feedback at 206-339-9272, comment here on the blog or email lisa@catholicmom.com.

Links for this Episode:

• Sister Rose Pacatte
• Our Media World
• Jenny Klement
• SQPN Giving Campaign
• Yoursphere
• Current CatholicMom.com Contests
• CatholicMom.com Book Club
• The Catholic Company
• The Handbook for Catholic Moms:  The Catholic Company, Amazon, Aquinas and More or Barnes & Noble
• Lisa’s Facebook Profile, SQPN Connect Page, Plurk, Twitter
• Catholic Mom Logo Store

Subscribe to the feed | Subscribe with iTunes

If you’re single, or have a family member or friend who may be leading a single lifestyle, please share this article with them and refer them to CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

“Valentine’s Day. It comes every year whether you like it or not.
It’s the day when your love life is put on display.”

So begins the official trailer for the newest film hitting the big screen this month.

While I have not seen the movie Valentine’s Day, the previews indicate the theme is probably as cliché as the topic. Many single people find the February 14th holiday disheartening, confusing, downright depressing, and in general “just blah” as one of my single friends aptly described it. Sometimes it feels like the only reason for the “hearts and flowers” holiday (besides the economic boost our society generates from the sale of overpriced cards, boxed chocolates, and red roses) is for the world to take notice of the fact that all the single folks aren’t romantically attached. What’s not to love about that, right?

As a single person, I felt very much the same about Valentine’s Day as the feelings I described above. Thus it surprised me how much my perspective has changed since meeting and marrying my husband, and observing the Valentine’s Day drama from the perspective of a married person. It has been somewhat startling to learn that single folks aren’t the only people who don’t get such a kick out of Romance Day.

I just got an email from a young married couple whom my husband and I were supposed to have a couple’s night out with this week. The other couple had to cancel due to their three-year-old son going through a tantrum stage and crying incessantly every night, the husband breaking his leg at work and needing down time, and the 11-month-old coming down with a high fever. Needless to say, this young couple has a lot more important topics on their plate than making arrangements for the perfect romantic Valentine’s evening out.

Then I talked to my sister-in-law, curious what her holiday plans would include. She and her husband are the homeschooling parents of five children. “One of the highlights of the day is Eric promised me he’d keep the kids quiet downstairs so I could take a nice long shower and take my time getting ready upstairs. That rarely happens without kiddie interruption and it’s such a gift!” she told me with a laugh.

My own sister has two children under age two. She said the best gift of love is when her husband watches the babies while she goes out for a 3-mile jog around the neighborhood all by herself. Her husband is happy with a bag of his favorite bite-sized chocolate bars wrapped in pink and red foil…“and we’ll get a babysitter so we can slip out for a quick dinner too.”

Reflecting on these and many other examples of how married friends spend Valentine’s Day (especially those with children), has made me realize that the people who make the biggest deal about Valentine’s Day usually aren’t married couples – which is ironic since they’re the ones most in love and with the most excuses to pull out all the romantic stops on February 14th.

While this struck me as odd and kind of disappointing at first (after all, as a single person I thought the grass was MUCH greener – well, redder and pinker and more chocolate and roses-filled — on the married side of Valentine’s Day), upon further reflection I’ve realized that these self-giving examples of married love are the type that most resemble the original Valentine of February 14th.

Who was Saint Valentine Anyway?

The simple answer: we don’t know a whole lot about him. The biography on Catholic Online mentions he was a priest in Rome, who cared for the martyr Christians under the persecution of Claudius II. When his ministry to Christians was discovered, he was arrested, badly beaten, and eventually beheaded, on February 14th in the late 3rd century.

The Catholic Encyclopedia lists at least three Saint Valentines. Interestingly, all three of them, died martyrs’ deaths. How the Saint Valentine who died on February 14th became the patron of love, affianced couples, and happy marriages, is shrouded in legend and mystery. And yet this martyr saint is frequently depicted with lovebirds, roses, and flowers surrounding him – as early as the late fifth century.

Love as Sacrifice

If you think about it, the fact that the real Saint Valentine was a martyr priest in the early years of Christianity is incredibly profound for single and married people alike, struggling to make sense out of Valentine’s Day.

How appropriate that the calendar day when love is most celebrated is focused, in a Catholic sense, on the true meaning of love – the radical kind – the kind that is so profoundly self-giving that it’s willing to lay itself down out of love for another.

St. Valentine exemplified the type of love that matters most. Not friendship love. Not familial love. Not even Eros love. Instead, it’s the love that mirrors the divine in its total outpouring for another. Agape love.

For some, this overflowing love looks like 5:00am feedings of your newborn baby. For others, it’s getting up for work when the alarm goes off the first time. Perhaps it’s working a second shift to help pay the extra family bills. For many couples, it’s rejoicing in the little pleasures of life, like a bouquet of roses or a box of chocolates that says “I Love You” while your kids run around the two of you in their sugar-rush from just finishing off said box of chocolates that was “yours.”

Single people and dating couples are not going to find this kind of radical love spelled out on a card in the Valentine’s aisle of your local Walgreen’s or Target. It’s not found in a night at the movies or a romantic steak dinner for two. You may find witnesses of it in your parish priest, in the lives of married couples you know, perhaps in your own parents, and certainly in the Catholic saint whose martyrdom is memorialized on February 14th.

Celebrate Valentine’s Day the Real Way

There’s no easy antidote to the Valentine’s Day blues if you are a single person – especially one who longs for the love of another. I cannot offer a solution to the prick in your heart as you pass by your local flower shop, a red and pink card aisle, a Godiva chocolate store, or Kay’s Jewelers, and witness the general hoopla. It’s a cross each single person must carry.

And yet, there might be something you can do to discipline your focus this month. Instead of allowing yourself to dwell on the Valentine’s commotion around you, perhaps make a commitment to do something for one person on February 14th that is putting selfless love into practice. Perhaps it’s babysitting so a married couple can steal away for an hour or two of precious alone time. Maybe it’s bringing a heart-shaped box of chocolates to an elderly person at Church on Sunday. Possibly you’ll invite a bunch of other single people over for a fun night of movie watching or game playing.

Going to see the new Valentine’s Day movie might give you a few laughs and perhaps a sense of commiseration with other singles who don’t appreciate February 14th. But if you choose instead to do something selfless for someone else, you will have prepared well for the authentic love your heart so deeply and ultimately desires.

Sacred Heart of Jesus, kindle the fire of your divine love within our hearts!

Saint Valentine, patron of love, young people, and happy marriages, pray for us and our future spouses!

Stephanie can be reached at stephanie@catholicmatch.com

If you’re single, or have a family member or friend who may be leading a single lifestyle, please share this article with them and refer them to CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

Psychologist Martha Beck outlines a new approach to keeping our New Year’s resolutions in “How to (Finally!) Keep Your new Year’s Resolutions” in the January issue of O. Instead of relying on will power, research suggests we will all be more successful in meeting our goals if we rely on other people.

Not exactly a news flash, right?

But the interesting part is exactly whom we should rely on. Here Dr. Beck describes four different motivational—or “conative”—styles. When it comes to solving our problems, or striving toward our goals, we tend to be “implementers,” “follow through,” “quick start,” or “fact-finders” according to this theory.

Sounds a lot like the four classic temperaments to me.

Let’s take a typical New Year’s resolution, and analyze the various ways each of the temperaments would tackle this goal (using what some might call their distinct “conative” styles). Let’s say the resolution is to get in shape, begin a new fitness program. The choleric is the goal-oriented, bottom line, “implementer.” He wants to solve the problem and get on with life, pronto. What’s the quickest way to get in shape and lose 30 pounds by March 1? He signs on for “Xtreme Boot Camp” at 5:30 AM every day of the week. That’ll do it. Until he throws his back out.

The phlegmatic is just the opposite the choleric, preferring to carefully and methodically research all the various fitness programs and various health clubs. There’s also the cost to consider; perhaps a home fitness program might be beneficial. Then there’s getting out of bed.

Next we come to the melancholic. “Are you kidding me? You expect me to join a health club now? I can’t just jump into a fitness program without having a thorough health evaluation and completing research on the most reputable health clubs in the area. I need to identify the trainers who achieve the best results.” Melancholics tend to say “no” until they have processed all the information and are sure that they will be able to succeed in their plan. Then (and only then) they will cautiously dip their big toe in the water. They tend to be slow to initiate but, once they have decided on the perfect plan, they will persevere.

The sanguine (just the opposite of the melancholic) will enthusiastically sign up (January 2nd) for whatever the most popular fitness program is…and will be equally quick to drop it. Sanguines tend to be enthusiastic, creative, and rather impulsive, learning by trial and error what works and what doesn’t. (Think Tigger: Tiggers absolutely love thistles…until he tries them.) The problem is sticking with the program, especially when it becomes boring.

After identifying your conative style, Dr. Beck advises teaming up with someone who is the exact opposite. Someone you are not likely to gravitate toward, naturally. In fact, someone who is likely to drive you crazy. This may be the very person who can help you succeed in your goals.

If you are extremely goal-oriented and bottom-line driven (choleric) then you will be successful teaming with someone who is more sensitive to the subtle and personal details, such what sort of shape you are currently in, what program would work for you. (If you take into consideration these crucial details, you reduce your risk of throwing your back out, two weeks into boot camp!). If you are an extremely choosy perfectionist who tends to over-analyze before beginning any new project, you will benefit from joining forces with a dynamic motivator who can jump start the process.

For those of us who have identified our temperament, this means: a choleric teams with a phlegmatic and a sanguine teams with a melancholic. Each will supply the other with just what they need to keep going. The choleric who wants to get to the bottom line (weight loss, fitness) can really benefit from the phlegmatic’s careful and methodical analysis of the process. In turn, the easy-going phlegmatic will benefit from the choleric’s drive to succeed.

The sanguine, who might impulsively sign up for whatever sounds fun and intriguing (hey, I found a “kick-boxing speed crochet” class!) at the moment can use a little of the melancholic’s careful research and attention to detail. The creativity and enthusiasm of the sanguine will help motivate the rather skeptical melancholic, who otherwise might not be able to work up any enthusiasm for the project. In turn, the melancholic’s perseverance will help the sanguine maintain her program, espec ially when the sanguine gets bored and wants to quit to do something more fun.

This concept of team work for success is, of course, not new. And the specific idea of appreciating other people’s gifts and talents (especially to fill in those gaps where we are weak) was anticipated by Saint Catherine of Siena more than 600 years ago. Our Lord revealed to Saint Catherine in the Dialogues that He did not give any one person all the natural gifts (read temperament or “conative style”)that he or she would need in order to succeed in life, because He wanted us to rely on one another. “I could easily have created men possessed of all that they should need both for body and soul, but I wish that one should have need of the other.”

Saint Catherine had it right. Let’s team with our friends (especially those who are very different) for success in meeting our New Year’s goals. And in the process, we will develop a healthy respect and appreciation for each other’s gifts and talents.

Laraine Bennett is a freelance writer with articles published in Catholic Faith & Family, Ligourian, New Oxford Review, and the National Catholic Register. Together with her husband, Art, she co-authored The Temperament God Gave You (2005 Sophia Institute Press). Laraine has a BA in Philosophy from Santa Clara University and an MA in Philosophy from the University of California, Santa Barbara. Laraine and her husband have been married for 28 years and have lived in California and Germany, and are presently living in Northern Virginia. They have four children — one of each temperament. She can reached at  laraine@catholicmatch.com

If you’re single, or have a family member or friend who may be leading a single lifestyle, please share this article with them and refer them to CatholicMatch.com for additional resources.

What if Jesus said to you that He only wanted one New Year’s Resolution. With that as a premise — Deacon Tom explores what ONE THING he would resolve in 2010. And what might your’s be?

Sarah Reinhard shares her struggle with resolutions and a suggestion from My Ideal: Jesus, Son of Mary, by Fr. Emil Neubert.

Please consider joining us in support of the SQPN.com Giving Campaign.  Your donations will help us to continue in this important evangelization work.

This episode of Catholic Moments is sponsored by CatholicMatch.com, the Leading Catholic Singles Community.  Share your feedback at 206-339-9272, comment here on the blog or email lisa@catholicmom.com.

Links for this Episode:

• Annie Karto
• A Conversation with Dan and Ry
• SQPN Giving Campaign
• Yoursphere
• Current CatholicMom.com Contests
• CatholicMom.com Book Club
• The Catholic Company
• Lisa’s Facebook Profile, SQPN Connect Page, Plurk, Twitter
• Catholic Mom Logo Store

Subscribe to the feed | Subscribe with iTunes

As we prepare to celebrate the holiday season with family and friends, I hope you’ll remember those in your life who may find this holiday particularly difficult or depressing.  Our recent podcast conversation with Jerry Weber reminded me that for those struggling with clinical depression or anxiety disorders, my happiest time of the year can be their most painful moment of the year.  For single friends, this time of the year often brings loneliness and isolation.  If you have a single family member or friend this year, you may want to read the following article from CatholicMatch.com and look for special ways to include them in your family celebration this year.

Christmas, New Year’s hardest times to be single, poll reveals

Catholics vote and vent about the woes of holiday singledom

PITTSBURGH – The most wonderful time of year is the loneliest time for singles, a telling new CatholicMatch poll reveals.

Nearly 3,000 members answered the question: “Which holiday do you find most difficult to be single?” Forty percent chose Christmas, while 32 percent said New Year’s Eve, 26 percent said Valentine’s Day and 2 percent said Thanksgiving.

The romantic scenes that play out in Christmas movies, commercials and songs – kissing couples, sparkling diamonds, happy endings – can painfully underscore the absence of a significant other, respondents said. “Is anyone familiar with that jewelry store Jared?” asked Monica-390419. “Their commercials are enough to make you gag. I recluse from Nov. 1 until Jan. 1, and then it’s safe to come out.”

Julio-512347 admitted, “In the past there have been occasions where I’ve just slept through it all and was glad it was over.”

A fire is less delightful with no one to hold tight or kiss goodnight, singles lamented. Even a beautiful Christmas Mass can be difficult, Katherine-489999 noted. “People kind of look at you as if to say, ‘So where is your guy or hubby?’ It makes me feel rotten.”

Attending holiday parties without a date is hard for many CatholicMatch members. “It’s like being alone in a crowd,” Donna-462418 explained. Others dread family gatherings, where uncles tease, aunts quiz and grandparents examine left hands. “You go to your families and see all your cousins and everyone engaged or newly married with newborns,” Daniel-228472 wrote. “It gets depressing year after year.”

But if Christmas induces the most pointed, prolonged sense of loneliness among singles, New Year’s Eve takes a close second. Respondents vented about the awkward midnight kiss and the lack of partnership entering into a new year. “Everyone is paired off and dressed up,” Denise-464246 wrote. “Sitting at home with my bottle of sparkling cider is boring – even if I put on my nice PJs.”

With more 22 million single Catholics in the country – a record number – it’s important for married friends and relatives to be sensitive during Christmas, CatholicMatch co-founder Brian Barcaro said. “It’s easy to breeze through the holidays and forget how something small – a certain song, the sight of mistletoe, a photo card – can nudge someone into a lonely bout.”

CatholicMatch polls like this one reflect the dynamic online community that sets the site apart. While members seek out their spouses, they also share trials and triumphs, insights and prayers. The site supports instant messaging and hosts three chat rooms and 38 forums, including St. Isidore’s Room (for techies), St. Joseph’s Room (for job hunters) and St. Vitus’ Room (for jokesters).

To view the full poll results: http://www.catholicmatch.com/polls/details.html?poll_id=2618