Then, the worst-case scenario occurs. Instead of a nurse arriving to escort you into the operating room, you receive a visit from the anesthesiologist who is there to inform you that your surgery has just been cancelled. You’re shocked and your immediate thoughts wander naturally through various possible snags. Is there a problem with the surgeon? The attending staff? Some type of equipment failure?  Maybe a sudden emergency situation that’s taken priority over your scheduled procedure?

Truth is, it’s none of the above. The unhappy expression found on the faces of your doctor, his surgical team, and the surrounding hospital staff, aren’t due to anything within the realm of their control. Rather, yours. What was once an isolated event has grown into a burgeoning problem in hospitals and medical clinics across the country. In more ways than one, a patient’s weight (excessive weight, that is) is causing more surgeries to be cancelled last minute because of the potential (and frequently life-threatening) risk to the patient.

Used to be when you heard the news that you’d need to undergo a surgical procedure, a patient would necessarily consider the who, what, where, when and how’s. Today though, it isn’t the physician, nor is it an insurance company, or even the technology that’s standing in the way of some surgeries. The question being asked nowadays is a weight-related one. It is troubling that for a growing number of patients the most problematic obstacle to getting better rests solely on their shoulders (and on the rest of their body). Unfortunately, it is their own excess weight that’s holding these overweight men, women, and children hostage from overall good health and even more criminally, from receiving urgent medical care of the direst lifesaving sort.

There are some individuals who naively voice minimizing this issue of epidemic proportions [Two thirds of Americans are now either overweight (defined as a body-mass index (BMI) of 25 or higher) or obese (A 30-plus BMI)], stating that it doesn’t affect them personally. These particular obese persons believe they can be simultaneously both overweight and healthy. However, no one can convincingly argue that if sudden urgent medical care is required that the obese are on a level playing field concerning surgical risks as their normal-weighted counterparts and the statistics prove it.

The fact is, none of us can anticipate when an emergency medical situation will occur requiring immediate surgery. Nobody plans on getting into an auto accident or injured on the job, but it happens every day, in every city across our nation. And in comparatively similar fashion, a frightening number of patient casualties occur when medical professionals are forced to refuse treatment to people because the risk is simply too great pre-operatively, during surgery, and post-operatively.

If you are now numbered among the two-thirds of Americans who are overweight, you’ll want to pay particular attention to the conversation you have with your doctor before scheduling surgery of any kind.  As you sit in front of your physician and he informs you that you’ll need to undergo a surgical procedure consider closely what he’s telling you as well as what he isn’t. Your surgeon will explain that because of your excess weight you are at an increased risk for anesthesia complications, blood clots, wound problems and your rehabilitation experience will likely be more difficult and longer in duration than normal-weight persons. If you’re having a joint replacement surgery, you can almost count on the appliance wearing out prematurely as well (anyone seeing a follow-up surgery in their future?).

As if these warnings weren’t tough enough to swallow, take this solemn conversation a step further and inside the real mind workings of your doctor. What he may not tell you because it’s so discouraging to him as the medical professional whose job it is to heal you (and as the primary directive from which he operates both literally and figuratively); is what he’s seen transpire in case after case in previous obese patients under his care. As your physician is speaking, remember he’s also running a mental dialogue though his mind of how your surgery (as an obese patient) will differ from a normal-weighted patient. He, as the operating surgeon, knows the difference and you, as the patient, should too because this difference is huge.

From your surgeon’s perspective, he has no choice but to accept the additional risks and challenges of operating on someone whose very weight makes it exponentially harder to perform his job (fixing you) from a purely technical standpoint. Doctors report that they frequently encounter morbidly obese people telling them, they (the patients), are willing to accept the increased risk for complication without a thought for the difficulty that their surgeons will encounter during the procedure as well as what this increased risk for complication means to the physician as the responsible party. There appears to be a mistaken assumption among some obese patients that their weight is not a factor that might affect their surgeon’s ability to perform the intricacies required during any medical procedure. Similarly, some other patients falsely believe that their surgery can be executed with the same ease as a patient of normal weight.

Patients must also understand that weight-related health risks are alive and well even before an individual enters the operating room doors. Excess weight puts a patient at a disadvantage even before surgery is scheduled as extra fat can render some clinical tests ineffective at detecting potential and existing health problems. Amy Parham, weight loss participant on The Bigger Loser television show, remembers her wake-up call after viewing her Dexa Scan for the first time. She recognized at that moment how her extra pounds were punishing her organs and lungs hour by hour, day after day. “It was eye opening to see that the fat was not something that was not only keeping me from buttoning my smaller pants, but it was also shoving my organs around and prohibiting them from working properly. Even my lungs were so compressed I couldn’t breath well.” Parham realized that as much as she hated how fat looks on the outside, “It is the fat that we don’t see, (on the inside) that is killing us.”

Beyond the above risk complications already cited, your doctor knows that your surgical outcome may not be what you’re expecting because even with the most skilled surgeon working on your behalf, your excess weight will continue to hinder mobility and range of motion post-operatively. No matter what side of the surgery table you’re on, both doctor and patient enter the situation at a disadvantage because both are fighting to overcome weighty odds of the most costly kind. Obesity isn’t a lifestyle gamble worth playing with; it’s a risky venture whose stakes will continue to rise to life and death proportions with every pound gained. A life and death risk Parham came to understand, “I believe that many times vanity is the motivation for wanting to lose weight, but people need to wake up and realize that they are playing Russian roulette with their lives by the choices they make. I was slowly killing myself and didn’t even know it.”

The Facts on Fat and Surgical Risks -

• Obese patients suffer from more postoperative infection, thrombosis (formation of blood clots), and other circulatory organ complications.
• Overweight individuals are at a greater risk postoperatively for heart attacks (5 times higher), wound infection (1.7 times higher,) peripheral nerve injury (4 times higher), and urinary tract infections (1.5 times higher), than their non-obese counterparts. [WebMD]
• Compared to normal weight persons undergoing surgery, obese and morbidly obese patients require roughly double the dosage of intravenous antibiotics during surgery.
• There is generally an increased length of stay in the hospital after surgery, which also adds to a patient’s financial costs.

Reasons to Lose the Excess Before You Need to -

• Surgeons use smaller incisions, thus less bleeding from the operative wound in lighter patients than obese ones.
• Potential problems with anesthesia are minimized because a lesser amount is required during surgery for smaller weighted individuals.
• Postoperative rehabilitation is shorter and easier on thinner patients.
• Joint replacement hardware such as knees and hips last longer on patients of normal weight.

Copyright 2010 Michele Howe

Congratulations to my friend and CatholicMom.com family member Michele Howe on the publication of her newest book Burdens Do a Body Good: Meeting Life’s Challenges with Strength (and Soul). As I said in my endorsement of this great book, “In Burdens Do a Body Good, talented author Michele Howe and noted orthopedic surgeon Dr. Christopher A. Foetisch team up to give women a resource for those moments when life seems to be spinning out of control. Advice on dealing with a wide range of physical and emotional challenges is delivered in manner that is always accessible, practical, and inspirational. Give this book to a friend who is going through a difficult time in her life, or give yourself the uplifting gift of Michele and Dr. Foetisch’s companionship and encouragement along each day’s winding path. Their words will help you transcend some of life’s greatest challenges with positivity and good health.”

Michele has graciously offered to share a few excerpts from Burdens Do a Body Good here on the website over the next few months.  I hope you’ll enjoy them at purchase a copy of Burdens Do a Body Good for yourself or a friend – you will love it!

The Taskmaster of Time: No Time Like the Present to Change

“I have little hope for a future brought about only or primarily by human endeavors and initiatives. I have great hope for a future brought about by a God who pulls us forward by surprises and spurts, ambushing us with so-beautifuls and blessing the best out of our worst.”  Leonard Sweet in So Beautiful

Time is such a nebulous factor, one that both commands us and paradoxically submits to our whims in equal measure. We either have too much of it…as when we’re left waiting for some important (to us) event to transpire. Or, we have far too little of it as we rush headlong through each task only to get through the next one and then the next. Time, either way you look at it, is laborious. It wears us out, frays our tempers, and tempts us to take matters into our own hands. Time (at its taskmaster best) can literally bring out the worst in us. Time is not easily mastered.

Time – though each of us is given the exact same amount of it, some of us are better managers than others. Why is it that a few individuals seem to breeze through their hours and days accomplishing only a fraction of what they might have planned (if they planned at all)…and it doesn’t bother them one iota? While others, those more conscientious types, take every single item on their to-list and do not, cannot, will not, rest until every single entry is completed?  (Done with a vengeance, mind you.) Could it be even the super responsible among us inwardly know there’s something more important that just getting stuff done and we’re angry about it, because we know it’s true and still aren’t willing to give the thought of changing (ourselves, that is) the time of day? Some-times knowledge without the courage to head in a different direction is a like incessant ticking of the nearest timepiece.

Better late than never, sometimes it is best to call a timeout. Give it a rest. Stop and sit down. Close your eyes. Be silent. Be still. Then, take note. Begin to notice. Everything. Movements and moments and steps and gestures. Missing nothing. Paying attention to everything.

When we’re unable to stop long enough for even this simple exercise, it should leave us wondering what’s really at stake here? Certainly, there’s more going on than running headlong through the day only to “get things done.” When we’re consumed by merely producing, we’re missing so much more and this much more is where real life is going on. Our excuse is always the same, there will be time enough for that later on…when the work slows down, when the kids are older, when my parents don’t need my help, when my health gets better. When the worst is over. And, just when exactly, will that be?
In case we didn’t notice, there’s a never-ending list of “when’s” waiting one after the other that keep moving up on our endless to-do list of excuses. But if we’re honest, and this is the best news ever…there’s no time like the present. This precise moment is all we have, there’s no getting it back once we’ve spent it. Or squandered it more likely by being busy, busy, busy people making our grand plans, believing we’re doing everything we can to achieve our best, when in fact, all this activity just might be the worst choice we make. Eventually, every one of us needs to take to task our assumptions about life and time and how we spend them both. There’s no telling what tomorrow may bring.

Takeaway Action Thought: There’s no time to lose, literally, so do an about face turn and stop, refuse to move forward again without a focused point of action plan.

Weight Bearing Exercises for Body and Soul Health

As the pace of our lives gets increasingly faster, one season meshes right into the next, one year to another and before we realize it, decades have passed. It’s especially true of women who pass key milestones in life but they’re so pre-occupied by busyness, they forget the importance of self-care. So the question becomes, is it ever too late to begin taking better care of yourself? Are there ways every woman can make up for lost time? If so, what are they and how can women quickly implement such practices to give the most benefit in the shortest amount of time? What can women do to reverse the aging process? There are several lifestyle changes that can result in improved health and positively affect the aging process. Simple as 1, 2, 3…

• ONE: Weight loss is one of the most significant ways to peel off the years, not only will you obtain the cosmetic benefits of weight loss, but you will also receive many physical benefits. These include less stress on your joints and back, reduced risk of diabetes, improvement in blood pressure, increased mobility, and better sleep. FOCUS POINT FOR CHANGE: Concentrate on lowering fat and sugar intake for fastest results.
• TWO: Get seven to eight hours of sleep a night. Caution: too much sleep can have an adverse effect on overall health. FOCUS POINT FOR CHANGE: clock in your nighttime sleep hours, but do not nap excessively during the day. Researchers from the California Pacific Medical Center Research Institute found that elderly white women who took a daily siesta were 44% more likely to die from any cause, 58% more prone to dying from heart problems, and nearly 60% more likely to die from non-cardiovascular or non-cancer causes. Those who napped less than three hours a week showed no increased chance of death.
• THREE: Address your stress, as it is one of the biggest factors in premature aging. Stress causes the brain to produce chemicals that directly affect health negatively. FOCUS POINT FOR CHANGE: Exercise several times a week to add muscle mass and strength and also gain improved cardiovascular health. A study of 9,611 adults in Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise showed that those who were regularly active in their 50s and early 60s were about 35 percent less likely to die in the next eight years than those who were sedentary.

Excerpted from Burdens Do a Body Good: Meeting Life’s Challenges with Strength (and Soul) Hendrickson Publishers, 2010

Read Michele’s column at: http://www.bizymoms.com/experts/michele-howe/index.html

Read Dr. Foetisch’s column at: http://www.bizymoms.com/experts/christopher-foetisch/index.html

Congratulations to my friend and CatholicMom.com family member Michele Howe on the publication of her newest book Burdens Do a Body Good: Meeting Life’s Challenges with Strength (and Soul). As I said in my endorsement of this great book, “In Burdens Do a Body Good, talented author Michele Howe and noted orthopedic surgeon Dr. Christopher A. Foetisch team up to give women a resource for those moments when life seems to be spinning out of control. Advice on dealing with a wide range of physical and emotional challenges is delivered in manner that is always accessible, practical, and inspirational. Give this book to a friend who is going through a difficult time in her life, or give yourself the uplifting gift of Michele and Dr. Foetisch’s companionship and encouragement along each day’s winding path. Their words will help you transcend some of life’s greatest challenges with positivity and good health.”

Michele has graciously offered to share a few excerpts from Burdens Do a Body Good here on the website over the next few months.  I hope you’ll enjoy them at purchase a copy of Burdens Do a Body Good for yourself or a friend – you will love it!

Waiting: Choosing Calm Over Control

What type of client, customer or patient are you? When you walk through the waiting room door does the person on the other side flinch, tense, or otherwise prepare for attack? Do you disappoint, discourage, or offer a disgruntled impression? Is every statement or question voiced one punctuated by an undergirding of subtle disrespect, disinterest or distrust? What exactly is your attitude saying about you, your words notwithstanding?It used to be that physicians had to memorize the Hippocratic oath, the most memorable line laypeople remember being, First, do not harm.” Nowadays, this pledge has been updated to make more practical sense in our modern high-tech society. Still, the underlying message remains the same. That is, one individual is making a promise to do his or her level best to help another person in need. Honestly now, aren’t we thankful that the majority of doctors and other professionals from whom we seek aid do abide by this long-standing motto? If we didn’t trust that person sitting on the other side of the desk (or across the room) to make a positive difference in our lives, we wouldn’t waste time seeking out their expertise, right?

Unfortunately, though we continue to seek out expert help from these professionals we’ve similarly begun to tote along with us an attitude of consumer elitism. Truth to tell, we’re ever-ready to assert our rights even when they’re not being compromised. We get angry when our appointment is pushed back. We feel frustrated when a promised contract doesn’t materialize. We complain and fret and moan about every little inconvenience without taking time to consider that our minor grievance could very well transform into another’s good. How so?

Consider this; the next time you’re left waiting for an hour because of an unexpected emergency and your friendly neighborhood professional begs your pardon upon greeting you…give it. Think about how you feel when your best-laid plans go wrong. We’ve all had those days when we started out on time armed with a solid plan of great intent and then we were interrupted, stalled, and thwarted. How did we feel? We were discouraged, weary, and wanted to give up. In the coming days, do yourself and everyone else a favor, hone that memory of yours that never forgets an offense against you for good of someone else and take the “oath” to keep others from harm. Purpose to never rattle someone’s already fragile emotional cage with your unrelenting demands or unrealistic expectations. Rather, tell them you understand. Tell them you appreciate their diligent service. Tell them, thank you. Guaranteed, you’ll begin to see the person behind the professional façade and we all know how terrific it feels to have someone see the “us” behind what we “do.” It can’t do any harm.

Takeaway Action Thought: Never view waiting as wasted time, these are simply opportune moments allotted for the purpose of regaining some inner stillness, calm and clarity.

Weight Bearing Exercises for Body and Soul Health:

There are only two ways to wait. We either choose to wait well or we wait poorly. If we give in to impatient thoughts and words, then we risk jeopardizing both our health and those with whom we come into contact. In a society where there is only stop and go, waiting offers a welcome in-between space to purposefully hit the pause button and to rest and reflect.  It doesn’t matter what we’re waiting for, an appointment, an apology, or an answer. It’s the conduct of our heart and minds that will make all the difference.

Waiting well:

* Lowers blood pressure; when we accept the uncontrollable as necessarily part of daily life our physical bodies take note and respond accordingly.
* Reduces inner-stress; from headaches to body aches…we just feel better when we realize we are not in control of others’ behaviors or responses, only our own.
* Makes one more productive; being forced to wait in one area allows more time and energy to invest in countless others, there is no wasted time if we use each day to its fullest.
* Allows for better decision making; rather than reacting with anger and impulsivity, we thoughtfully consider, decide, and determine taking into account all possible repercussions of our choices.
* Expands our understanding of another’s perspective; removing ourselves from the emotional intensity of the moment enables us to see a situation more accurately as time passes.
* Gives opportunity to love sacrificially; we deepen, grow, and change every time we put someone’s needs above our own, personal discomfort and all.

Waiting poorly:

* Raises blood pressure; as our mind thinks, our emotions flare, and from head to toe our bodies respond to the stress. What and how we process our thoughts and experiences does matter.
* Produces anxiety; we fret, worry, and stew…and completely forfeit the inner peace for which we so long.
* Inhibits productivity; when we focus exclusively on what we can’t have, we become completely immobilized and paralyzed, unable to be of any good to anyone or anything else in our lives.
* Increases chances of reacting impulsively; stand back, don’t react. The more frequently a person acts or speaks before thinking, the greater the potential for negative and long-lasting fallout.
* Shrinks one’s sense of proportion; when we only see our side of a situation, we’re not really viewing life as it really is. Whenever there are two people, there are two sides to every story, always.
* Robs one’s ability to grow by enduring difficulties; when we respond self-protectively or solely with self-interest, we are the ones who are short-changed most.

Excerpted from Burdens Do a Body Good: Meeting Life’s Challenges with Strength (and Soul) Hendrickson Publishers, 2010

Read Michele’s column at: http://www.bizymoms.com/experts/michele-howe/index.html

Read Dr. Foetisch’s column at: http://www.bizymoms.com/experts/christopher-foetisch/index.html

Congratulations to my friend and CatholicMom.com family member Michele Howe on the publication of her newest book Burdens Do a Body Good: Meeting Life’s Challenges with Strength (and Soul). As I said in my endorsement of this great book, “In Burdens Do a Body Good, talented author Michele Howe and noted orthopedic surgeon Dr. Christopher A. Foetisch team up to give women a resource for those moments when life seems to be spinning out of control. Advice on dealing with a wide range of physical and emotional challenges is delivered in manner that is always accessible, practical, and inspirational. Give this book to a friend who is going through a difficult time in her life, or give yourself the uplifting gift of Michele and Dr. Foetisch’s companionship and encouragement along each day’s winding path. Their words will help you transcend some of life’s greatest challenges with positivity and good health.”

Michele has graciously offered to share a few excerpts from Burdens Do a Body Good here on the website over the next few months.  I hope you’ll enjoy them at purchase a copy of Burdens Do a Body Good for yourself or a friend – you will love it!

“To deeply understand fear we must also look at ourselves and the way we interpret our situations. Those scary objects can reveal what we cherish. They point out our insatiable quest for control, our sense of aloneness.”  Edward T. Welch in Running Scared

It hadn’t been five minutes into the film before I felt something deep inside of me rebel. That “foreshadowing” device found in excellent literature that Honors English students are so familiar with as they learn to identify, separate out, and even anticipate was haunting me from the outset. It didn’t matter that I was already aware of the storyline and the satisfactory conclusion of this particular based-on-real-life tale. It still affected me, troubled me.
I couldn’t shake that insistent voice inside my head that kept saying, “This is wrong, wrong, wrong.” Throughout this film where a family was rendered homeless after a job loss, it felt obscene that it could happen in a country like ours. And yet, seeing it on the big screen ignited something that I’ve had a hard time shaking. I realized that every one of us is just a few steps from some sort of life-altering catastrophe. Your potential pitfall might be an minor illness turned terminal. Another might suffer from job loss or career replacement. Someone else might lose a spouse or child to violence. The neighbor down the road, or in the next apartment, could lose her home. You see, it doesn’t really matter how the “displacement” happens or even what form it takes. The bottom line is that every man, woman, and child needs back up, lots of back up.

This entity we term as back-up finds its form through family, friends or work colleagues who can be counted on to step up and lend a hand during those spaces of time when everything we’ve got is simply not enough. Think of offering the warm hand of friendship, offering forgiveness, offering whatever it is that someone you know needs as smart investment and not in the predatory, I’m giving to get sense. Rather, see people’s needs, really see them. Then don’t just go home and fret and worry and stew about it. Put feet to your newly acquired vision and set your hands to bringing some relief, some measure of good, where it’s most needed.

Whether or not you ever envision yourself as a person in need; the potential is always there. The problem is; ignoring it doesn’t make the risk go away and the time will come when you’re at the mercy of others. Does that frighten you? Maybe it should. It can be a terrifying reality given some people’s propensity to blindness when it comes to lending aid. Seeing is believing. We need to open our eyes and our hearts. This might equate to giving until it hurts, in our bank accounts, our time, and our talents…our treasures. Today, look around and willingly take on the role of being a back-up person for someone in need. Maybe in time, that fortunate soul will have your back when you require it.

Takeaway Action Thought: Oftentimes the best remedy to combat anxious uncertainty is to become another’s backup person.

Weight Bearing Exercises for Body and Soul Health

There are all sorts of remedies being offered for dealing with those sudden intense rushes of anxiety and those inner tugs to bolt from an uncertain situation. Truth is, for as many actual real risks to our safety, there are countless more that hover threateningly within our thoughts. In actuality, we might mentally understand that our fears of uncertainty are just that…fears founded in the uncertainty of life. Before we realize it, one undisciplined morsel of fear feeds on another and yet another until we are immobilized by what ifs. Our bodies can kick into an automatic cycle of panic that stops us from thinking rationally. The next time your body has a mind of its own and begins to react in panic, give these exercises a try.

• Take several deep breaths. Inhale slowly through your nose; exhale through your mouth. Repeat.
• Focus on tightening/relaxing one body part at a time. Methodically, work through your entire body head to toe.
• Stand up and bend over at the waist. One vertebrate at a time, slowly work up to a standing position. Repeat as needed.
• Self-massage your temples and neck using firm circular motions until you feel the tension disappear.

Excerpted from Burdens Do a Body Good: Meeting Life’s Challenges with Strength (and Soul) Hendrickson Publishers, 2010

Read Michele’s column at: http://www.bizymoms.com/experts/michele-howe/index.html

Read Dr. Foetisch’s column at: http://www.bizymoms.com/experts/christopher-foetisch/index.html

Congratulations to my friend and CatholicMom.com family member Michele Howe on the publication of her newest book Burdens Do a Body Good: Meeting Life’s Challenges with Strength (and Soul). As I said in my endorsement of this great book, “In Burdens Do a Body Good, talented author Michele Howe and noted orthopedic surgeon Dr. Christopher A. Foetisch team up to give women a resource for those moments when life seems to be spinning out of control. Advice on dealing with a wide range of physical and emotional challenges is delivered in manner that is always accessible, practical, and inspirational. Give this book to a friend who is going through a difficult time in her life, or give yourself the uplifting gift of Michele and Dr. Foetisch’s companionship and encouragement along each day’s winding path. Their words will help you transcend some of life’s greatest challenges with positivity and good health.”

Michele has graciously offered to share a few excerpts from Burdens Do a Body Good here on the website over the next few months.  I hope you’ll enjoy them at purchase a copy of Burdens Do a Body Good for yourself or a friend – you will love it!

“When we are in deep trouble we long to see some rescuer appear… Suddenly, decisively, kindness appears. And it is not the kindness of soft words or a gentle smile but a strong act of intervention, a mighty deliverance.”
Mel Lawrenz in Patterns

Where we live, how we shelter ourselves, and what our dwelling place looks like says a lot about us, some assumptions may be true, others not. Whether we even particularly like the structure of our homes or simply make do with the resources we’re given; says something too. Are we content with the present condition of our home? Or do we catch ourselves eyeing that which appears newer, maintenance-free and well, just all around more appealing than ours? Just how well do we care for and tend to that entrusted to us?
Whatever our inclination about housing and homes and the purposes these dwellings serve beyond protecting us from the elements, it must be remembered that how we live within our four walls matters. Anyone can dress up their house and make it look attractive to onlookers, but what really counts is what happens on the inside, the side no one else sees.Ever walked into a home that was beautiful on the outside, but inside was falling apart? It happens more often than we might guess and when it does, people feel unsettled, anxious, and confused when the outside and inside don’t match. Something’s just wrong with this picture.

Like it or not, every family sets boundaries for themselves and we’re not talking the brick and mortar or white picket fence type either. Rather, inside our home (and around its periphery) people live by an unseen code that determines who gets in and who stays out. There’s also a set pattern to the ways and means of our in-house interactions. Boundaries, they’re there and each one is set in something stronger than stone.

Our home-life is indeed telling; as are our expectations for those living within them. For everyone creates certain lines that won’t be crossed and each individual sets specific boundaries around themselves that are off-limits even to those closest to them. It’s safer that way, right? But not always so healthy. Boundaries are good only when they serve their purpose of offering protection, provision, and room to grow.

For individuals to thrive within the setting of hearth and home, there’s some lines that shouldn’t be crossed. Disrespect. Disregard. Discomfort. Discouragement. To name just a few. Whenever our dwellings house these unattractive detractors, it is because of neglect, and where there is neglect, the value of the home and its occupants drops markedly.

No conscientious homeowner allows potentially harmful substances to infiltrate or devalue their house. But, do we permit it from the inside out due to simple neglect? Do we aggressively protect our borders by making sure every person is treated with respect, heartfelt regard, and realizes the comfort of an encouraging kind word? It is always easier to work at keeping households in good repair than it is to tear down and rebuild after its fallen into disheveled disarray. Lawrenz reminds us that homeowners everywhere decide daily how to protect their interests. Writes the author, “Kindness is a choice, not a temperament.” Would that everyone who finds themselves within our “borders” feel protected, provided for, and may the experience always be a pleasant one.

Takeaway Action Thought: Every kitchen should display the motto, “Protection, provision, and room to grow,” and no family member should travel far from it.

Weight Bearing Exercises for Body and Soul Health: Setting boundaries and feeling safe and secure within one’s home is every woman’s reasonable expectation. Sure, women may have to attempt one or another redo or makeovers before finding the right fit for themselves, but most are pretty confident that their homes are all around safe havens. But try venturing out beyond the borders of the home routine and the world outside can feel frightening, uncertain, and unpredictable. Even when women leave their familiar surroundings for something as pleasurable as a vacation, it can feel risky. Like many choices that seem a bit chancy, simply taking some simple precautions and knowing your options helps alleviate the majority of pre-travel jitters. Be prepared, before, during and after you travel.

Before you go:

During travel:

* If you or a family member becomes ill contact the hotel concierge or someone you know locally to find out where to go for medical care. A referral increases the odds of getting optimal treatment, don’t simply go to the nearest (or most convenient) clinic or urgent care facility.

Special considerations:

* Those individuals prone to illness should consider travel health insurance before leaving.
* Medical evacuation insurance is particularly helpful for overseas travel and can be purchased for a reasonable fee.
* Refer to www.cdc.gov/travel site for specific information/warnings regarding the country you are intending to visit.

Final Word:  Despite what we read in the news, the United States does have the best medical care in the world. So given the option, do your best to get back home to be treated. As the old saying goes, “There is no place like home” truly applies to health care.

Excerpted from Burdens Do a Body Good: Meeting Life’s Challenges with Strength (and Soul) Hendrickson Publishers, 2010

Read Michele’s column at: http://www.bizymoms.com/experts/michele-howe/index.html

Read Dr. Foetisch’s column at: http://www.bizymoms.com/experts/christopher-foetisch/index.html

Once they cooled, Stacy would assist Trevor in cutting around each leaf’s outer edge before they punched holes in the top for stringing yarn and hanging on his mobile. Stacy was warned not once, but three times that morning alone, to be sure she didn’t singe either the leaves or the paper. Remember last year? Trevor had reminded her. How can I forget? Stacy thought ruefully.

What had started out as a simple afternoon extra credit science project collecting local flora had turned into a weekend long nightmare after Stacy’s daughter had a hey-day with her brother’s meticulously labeled leaves he’d left lying on the dining room table. Even though Stacy had been outside when the incident occurred, raking leaves no less, Trevor made it a point of insinuating it was Stacy’s poor disciplinary skills that caused the entire fiasco.

After a lengthy chat with Trevor, Stacy had made it crystal clear that the core issue wasn’t her parenting abilities, rather Trevor’s cavalier attitude. That discussion aside, Stacy recalled spending the better part of Saturday evening and Sunday afternoon helping Trevor resort his collection and/or gathering replacements.

Since then, Stacy continued to be amazed how different her children were in both looks and temperament. She’d had no problem figuring out her oldest two sons, but when it came to Trevor with all his fussiness and particular ways, Stacy was thrown off balance. Frequently, his speech was laced with negativity and pessimism. If he wasn’t dragging the other kids down, Trevor’s woe-is-me countenance wore Stacy’s nerves to a fine strand.

She wasn’t quite sure how to combat his defeatism other than kindly, but firmly, reminding him of the obvious blessings he enjoyed. Still, as Stacy took care to iron Trevor’s finds with attention to detail lest she ruin one or all, Stacy suddenly realized how alike people are to so many of nature’s creations. Every one of these leaves has its own style, its own signature. Some are rounded and smooth, others, rough and brittle to the touch. Not so unlike people, Stacy admitted.

But every one offers something unique to the whole collection, just like us. Lord, Stacy prayed, help me to see the beauty you’ve created in my son and to treat him as though he were the rarest of finds…because he is.

“The good man out of his good treasure brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of his evil treasure brings forth what is evil.” Matthew 12: 35

Dear Lord,

I finally get it. All this time, I’ve been missing the point with regard to my children. I believed you wanted me to take their personalities and mold them into miniature replicas of me. As if you had only created one type of person, my type. Lord, I need to ask your forgiveness. I’ve been spending countless hours trying to figure out my child’s take on life. I never seem to put my finger on where this youngster is coming from. He is so very different than me.

And now, I realize, that you simply want to me to love him as he is while setting the best example I can. Lord, in the days to come, enable me to be quiet more consistently…and learn to listen more attentively. Show me creative ways to engage my child’s heart and to lovingly bring needed encouragement as you reveal fresh ideas to me. I desire inner soul health and mental well being for my youngster, and I do not always understand the most effective ways to reach this child.

Lord, I commit my parenting to you again; I ask that you would fill me with your wisdom and vision for the future. Help me, Lord, to not become discouraged when we encounter setbacks…and we will. Bolster me for the long road ahead and give me all I require to parent in a way that honors your name with the understanding that you are watching over me, over us.

Amen

“Love God, and within the limitations He has sovereignly placed in your life at this time, do what you can.” Donald S. Whitney in Simplify Your Spiritual Life: Spiritual Disciplines for the Overwhelmed

Copyright 2010 Michele Howe

Perspective

She soon heard nothing but praises for the food and those who delivered them. Housebound most of the time, Aimee understood her parents’ gratefulness for the daily sustenance and the personal visits. Since she lived so far from her folks, Aimee was especially appreciative that others in their community were willing to give so that her mother and father could remain independent for as long as possible. Hence Aimee’s motivation for joining ranks with her town’s volunteer crew.

One of the first things Aimee learned was that promptness mattered. If she wanted to have a few extra minutes to spend with those to whom she delivered meals, Aimee had to arrive on time to pick up the meals and more important, stay on a schedule when she greeted and chatted with the recipients. This allotted Aimee no more than ten minutes per stop. Not always an easy task when those you’re visiting count your in/out stop-by as the most interesting event of their day. Mostly, she was charmed by the stories she heard and the conversation they exchanged. A few weren’t interested in chatting; they simply wanted their meal thank you very much. For these solitary souls, Aimee simply prayed.

But when Aimee met Robert she was bowled over. At eighty-six, this wheelchair bound widower was the picture of gentility. His kind demeanor was refreshing and the interest he took in Aimee’s life gratefully received. Yet every time Aimee left, she felt sick at heart because Robert would inquire about her parents who lived down south in the same vicinity where Robert had grown up.

He’d only been a local for the last five or so years when his son moved him north to be closer to family. And in that move, he’d had to give up his farm, his fishing pond, and his rolling acres of land. Aimee tried to come up with something to help her friend feel more at home but nothing seemed appropriate or even possible.

Then it came to her, why not build a small pond out back, stock it with goldfish, maybe even some lily pads and complete the setting with a miniature rock waterfall? Why not? Aimee’s husband and sons could do the work and the cost, well, she’d shop around. Delighted with her notion to bring some of nature’s goodness to Robert’s city dwelling, Aimee could hardly wait to arrive at stop number seven and propose the idea to Robert himself.

“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”  Proverbs 16: 24

Dear Lord,

My dear, dear Lord, how can I offer my thanks for the bounty you’ve blessed me with? Each day I am astounded at your mercy, your grace. All around me I see abundant evidence of your great and glorious love for me. I thank you for giving me all that I need and so much, much more.

And as I reflect upon your provision, I must give you another thanks for my new friends. Each one is special to me. Each one holds a unique place in my heart. I cannot express how encouraged I am as I witness these older folk’s rallying despite their declining physical strength. Would that I might be so resilient and remember all the good you’ve bestowed upon me.

For this reason I now pray that you continue to help me serve these dear ones faithfully, cheerfully, and energetically. Let me use my gifts to minister to them, each one as the need arises. Lord, I pray that you never cease to remind me that we are all on the same journey through life, simply at different spots along the way. Help me to gain wisdom and perspective from those who’ve walked a bit further than I. And make my heart continually at-the-ready. Again, my heart sings for joy as I witness the very world you’ve designed for our benefit. Open my eyes every morning to its delights and for your glory.

Amen

“Life on the road requires recollection of our Love’s past deeds on our behalf and his promise of continued faithfulness to us.”
Brent Curtis & John Eldredge in The Sacred Romance

Copyright 2010 Michele Howe

They unburdened themselves of their favorite now-careworn wool blanket, a wedding gift from years past, and spread it out. Carl set their wicker picnic basket aside and they lay side-by-side faces toward the sky to cloud-gaze. Simultaneously they both sighed as they relaxed.

After a few minutes of quiet, Carl began their summer ritual game of trying to locate pictures in the clouds. There’s a buffalo, he pointed toward their left. Look, look, I see a giraffe, Trish exclaimed with delight. On and on they went until the clouds drifted by and in its place the sun shone down on their solitary watch. Getting up, Carl opened the basket and retrieved two glasses and some sparkling cherry juice, made especially from their state’s native cherries. Trish pulled out the napkins and plates and they ate a light snack of assorted cheeses, crackers, and fresh fruit.

More relaxed than she’d felt in a long, long time, Trish turned to Carl and reluctantly opened up the dreaded topic of their finances…one of the main reasons they’d gotten away for the afternoon. At her cue, Carl dug into the basket another time and found the notebook, calculator, and pen. Ok, let’s get started. Trish and Carl began listing each of their monthly expenditures and then compared the total with their monthly income. Ouch. No wonder we’ve been under so much pressure to bring in extra cash, Trish realized.

We’ve been overspending by hundreds each month. Carl and Trish then tried to brainstorm ways to cut costs…a few minor skirmishes later, both felt they’d achieved a workable budget for their family. Now, if we can just stick to our plan without getting sidetracked again, Carl spoke aloud the exact sentiments Trish was silently thinking. If we’re faithful to living under what we bring in, we’ll be debt-free within thirty-six months. Doesn’t sound so long when you put into “months” instead of years, Trish admitted.

Surely, since we’re both in agreement this time, we’ll be able to par back on our extravagant habits and retrain ourselves to enjoy life in a simpler style. Pulling her close, Carl nodded upward, the clouds had returned. What better way to begin their debt-free journey than with an afternoon of free cloud gazing?

“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh shall from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit shall from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary.” Galatians 6: 7-9

Dear Lord:

I want to give you thanks for the special moments we shared today. It was a delightful, relaxing reprieve. One that we both needed so desperately. You know how much we’ve struggled of late to work through our money problems. It’s been a long, difficult period of months since we’ve started coming up short. And still we continued to spend!

Amazing, that the more stressed…and in debt…we became, we never stopped mindless, wasteful, and impulsive spending. Lord, I realize now that you entrust us with material wealth. It is in fact, yours alone. We are given it as a tool to use with wisdom. Please impart that much required wisdom to us now. Help us to say no to foolish purchases and selfish desires. Give us the sense to look long term and to be content with what we already possess.

I pray that each day you would speak to our hearts of your ways and teach us to make cautious choices. Place a hedge of protective restraint around our hearts so that we think twice, even three times, before handing out hard-earned cash for nonessentials. Lord, above all…open our eyes to the marvels all around us. Help us to see your world in all its majesty and realize each of us is as rich as kings as your beloved children.

Amen

“Never forget the value of time. Time heals wounds and time has a way of resolving conflicts. Decisions made in haste are often filled with regret.”

Mary Hunt in Debt-Proof Your Marriage

Copyright 2009 Michele Howe

Back in her bedroom, Beth gathered her clothes, her favorite and well-worn jeans and one of her numerous comfy t-shirts, and started the shower. Within thirty minutes Beth re-entered the kitchen and was more than ready to enjoy her first cup of coffee for the day. For the next fifteen minutes Beth could peruse the newspaper while sipping contentedly.

Unlike most people, Beth started at the back of the newspaper and worked forward. She wanted to take a quick peek at anything newsworthy or worthwhile on the television that evening, and then she checked the weather, and finally the obits and the living section where Beth was sure to find some new article of interest to her. Save the heavy news for later on, was her motto, and most days it rang true…not today.

As Beth read, she never expected to come across the name of a former employee from her workplace. Beth was stunned to read that her one time co-worker and friend, Barb, had died. Skimming the death notice for more information, Beth took note of the request for donations to the local heart center in town. Remembering Barb’s zest for life, despite her oft-frail condition, Beth felt a knot in her throat.

Eyes stinging with tears, Beth pulled herself away from the paper and left for work. Everyone has probably heard the news by now, Beth guessed. Parking her van, Beth continued to battle against the surging emotions within her. Later, Beth told herself, I’ll deal with this later. We have huge orders going out today with all the weddings and graduations this weekend.

Taking a deep breath, Beth prayed for God to help her through the next eight hours. Upon entering the florist shop, Beth instantly knew Barb’s passing was known for every one of the eight employees stood with tissues in hand, red-eyed and sniffling. Feeling her own eyes brim with tears again, Beth didn’t even try to fight it this time. Instead, Beth and her friends shed their tears and found solace in one another’s shared memories of Barb. Before the day was over, they had each had taken a hand in designing the most spectacular bouquet to be given in honor of their friend’s life.

“Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near when you will say, ‘I have no delight in them.’”
Ecclesiastes 12: 1

Dear Lord,

I don’t really understand how to begin my prayer today. My emotions and thoughts are running in such divergent directions. I cannot think clearly. So many memories, wonderful memories, are vying for preeminence in my mind. Oh Lord, how dear this soul was to us all. How she loved life…and her with more reason than most to despair.

I am put to shame for the number of times I’ve groused about this minor inconvenience or that. As I recall the courage my friend consistently exhibited, I cannot help but give thanks for the blessing of her acquaintance. This single person gave so much to so many. Lord, would that my life will make such an impact, that my words bring such inspiration.

Will you bring the heart healing to all those who suffer now? Lend us your strength lest we fall away because of our despair. And never allow such sorrow to turn into bitterness of the soul. Rather, help each of us to put life into perspective. Remind us that you are calling us, every one, to a special purpose. Please Lord, undertake for us this day and let your love shine brilliantly through us for your glory.

Amen

“When life gets tough, when you’re overwhelmed with doubt, or when you wonder if living for Christ is worth the effort, remember that you are not home yet. At death you won’t leave home – you’ll go home.”  Rick Warren in The Purpose Driven Life

Copyright 2009 Michele Howe

For as long as she could remember, they’d planted a garden during the Memorial Day weekend and until far past Labor Day, Claire faithfully tended the seeds ‘til they grew into strapping stalks of corn, vines of ripe tomatoes, and row upon row of green beans. Too many beans, Claire frequently complained. Still, Claire wasn’t one to belabor her husband Jeff’s enthusiasm when it came to making sure they had enough for the coming winter months. It was simpler to let it pass, and give away the excess during the early fall.

As Claire got down on bended knees to pull some especially stubborn weeds by the roots, she marveled how well her crop was growing this season. You are a forgiving soil aren’t you, Claire thought, I didn’t know a lick about gardening when we first started and still you gave back in bountiful measure despite our ignorance.

Claire sighed. Would that my marriage was so resilient. Reminded of her recent struggles with Jeff, Claire felt that familiar heaviness steal over her again. I want things to be better, but sometimes we just don’t seem to agree on a thing anymore. All this bickering, Claire said, wears me out.

Sighing again, Claire finished her weeding and spied out the most succulent red tomatoes she could find. Gathering as many as she could  hold, Claire took another backward glance into her garden. Needs more work, definitely more weeding, Claire paused reflectively. Looking down at her tomato filled arms, Claire thought silently, maybe, just maybe, I need to apply the same measure of enthusiasm toward my marriage that I extend to my garden.

“Do not let kindness and truth leave you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart.”
Proverbs 3: 3

Dear Lord,

Thank you for demonstrating to me once again how deep and wide and rich your love is toward me. I am amazed that you used the simplest of life’s events to teach me lessons of love. Even this morning, I was reminded afresh that I put more time and effort into a mere hobby than I do my marriage. Lord, something is off-kilter here. Since when did I start believing, and indeed, acting upon the belief that accomplishment matters more than people?

For in truth, this is the way I’ve been living. I have to ask your forgiveness for allowing my heart to become so hardened that I’ve frequently chosen to give up on love. Rather than force myself to endure the hardship that solid relationships must at times endure, I’ve been guarded and self-protective.

In all honesty, I’ve used my work and play time as means of escape from the pain. But you never let me get away with expediency at the expense of truth. Eventually, stubborn woman that I am, you find a way to break through my reverie and bring light to even the darkest recesses of my heart.

I pray that beginning now, you will start a work of renewal within me. Bestow upon me your grace to love fully and without reservation. Though I’ve sowed the seeds of many poor communication habits, lend me the strength and the persistence I require to begin afresh.

I ask that you would fill our hearts with your goodness and let us experience the joy that comes from obedience to you. Day by day, never cease to remind me that you are always close by, supplying me with all I need to live a life that brings honor to your name.

Amen

“People today should only have to look at us to see what Jesus is like”. “If we fail the grace test, we fail to be Christlike. If we fail the truth test, we fail to be Christlike. If we pass both tests, we’re like Jesus.” Randy Alcorn in The Grace and Truth Paradox

Copyright 2009 Michele Howe

She made sure she had on long pants paired with a long sleeved shirt, no use inviting a wayward bee to sting her. Meg sometimes wondered why she went to all this trouble, maintaining her hives of honeybees. But every time she harvested the waxy honeycomb and the sticky sweet nectar oozed out from the sides, Meg could almost taste the subtle sweetness by simply admiring the bees’ handiwork. And work it was. Meg marveled at how diligently bees labored at their particular task. Like a perfectly run factory, each bee knew instinctively what his job was and he did it. Plain and simple. Which is why my guests and I can reap the benefits of their labor, Meg thought appreciatively.

How I wish I was as certain that my own miniscule vocational contribution made a difference, she sighed. With no immediate family to speak of, Meg was a single woman on her own. An entrepreneur most decidedly, running her own bed and breakfast establishment. But lately Meg had wondered if she was in any way impacting the world around her. True enough, her business was successful and she energetically met the needs of whoever entered her doors. Still, Meg nursed recurring doubts that she might have missed her true calling some years before. At a younger age, Meg had dreamed of becoming a nurse and traveling overseas to work as a missionary. Somewhere along the line, Meg had believed the misconception that to be truly devout Christian, she’d need to live among the destitute.

It was and continued to be, a sore subject with Meg even today. Though she realized her former naiveté and immature thinking, Meg sometimes fell back into this pattern of destructive contemplation. Shaking herself free of her dark thoughts, Meg returned her attention to the task at hand. Opening the lower tray of the hive, Meg reached inside to retrieve a honeycomb full of delectable sweetness. Won’t the twins just love dribbling this over their muffins in the morning, she anticipated happily? And maybe I’ll even join them this time Meg thought with satisfaction. I might even be able to sneak in a short lesson on honeybees if I get them sticky enough, she mused.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12: 2

Dear Lord,

Amen

“Prayer is always an act of faith. It begins with faith, must be carried through in faith, and finished in faith. Every ordinary prayer prayed in the most ordinary way by the most ordinary person is a revolutionary statement of trust.”   Mel Lawrenz in Patterns

Ruth was deeply concerned about the littering problem that appeared to be multiplying exponentially before her very eyes. It wasn’t something Ruth could very well ignore, every time she turned into her sub-division, she had to pass through this stretch of two-lane highway and it was becoming a disgrace. Ruth suspected that the miscreants, who decided the earth was theirs to use or abuse, were the young adults who frequented the all night video and gaming establishment a few blocks north of her suburb.

In fact, she even witnessed some of these men and women tossing their castoffs from windows directly after pulling from the parking lot. While such inconsiderateness incensed Ruth to no end, she realized that all her complaining and behind-closed-door fuming wasn’t doing anyone any good. So Ruth joined up with other local volunteers to see to it that their streets and roadways remained clean and debris-free.

On this Saturday morning, Ruth was feeling a tad more surly than usual. In less than an hour, she’d already filled up one garbage bag with cans, bottles, and plastic products. Looking down the road, Ruth soon decided she would need help keeping her designated route in order, but who to ask? None of her friends were much interested in environmental stuff…at least not to the extent that Ruth was. Well, I could always go door to door at the nearby businesses and see if they want to offer their services once a week. So Ruth did.

After she finished her clean up, she went straight away to a number of the owners whose establishments faced the two-lane highway Ruth called her own. Ruth was surprised when two managers offered either their assistance or one of their employees. Encouraged, Ruth dropped her garbage bags off to the dumpster and drove toward home.

It’s not much, but if everyone does his or her little bit, I think it will make a significant difference over time. Glad she had acted on her impulse, Ruth understood what good soul medicine it had been to get out and actively work to solve this problem rather than simply stay put indoors, removed, and pouting about it.

“…I am the Lord who sanctifies you.”  Leviticus 22: 32b

Dear Lord,

I am rounding about and changing my tune. I have to ask your forgiveness for my attitude of negativity. I wonder how many more hours I might waste offering up words of complaint rather than thankfulness? How long have I been stymieing your grace with my resistant, stubborn attitude? Of late, I have sorrowfully noticed that I am fast to fly off with a negative retort, when in instead, I should be speaking words that grace my listener.

Forgive me, Lord. I’ve been fully occupied with that which disturbs me. And yet, I’ve not been willing to make any sacrifices to change these circumstances. Finally, you broke through my wooly-headed mind and directed me to offer up my heart and hands in laborious service to you. I pray now that you would continue to sanctify the work of my hands, even though it be literally garbage duty.

I understand that as I mingle amongst the castoffs, you are there with me, instructing my heart in things of beauty if only I take care to notice. Open my mind’s eye, Lord, to see past the disagreeable, and to search for the loveliness you have set in place. In every area of my life, would you shine your glorious light? Let not any portion of my soul remain earth-bound by disagreeable situations or events. Set me free wherever I serve you. For your sake, I pray.

Amen

“Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses.”  Editors in God’s Little Devotional Journal for Women

Copyright 2009 Michele Howe

Terry’s grandma could be such a hoot. Telling us more about her wedding night than we ever cared to know as we nervously sat anticipating our own forthcoming marriage. Darlene, if she was remembering correctly, considered Grandma’s advice about keeping romance a high priority, citing her then snoozing hubby as supporting evidence. See how happy we’ve been? It’s because we always take some time for ourselves that means no kids, no work, and no interruptions.

It’s important, she said with authority. And there we sat, drinking in every word partly because we were young and naive and partly due to the fact we were afraid not to. Darlene pulled out the candle holders and inspected them carefully. Delighted that they had weathered so many years of use, Darlene took great pains to clean them up before placing them on her dining room table.

With their two college kids away during the school year, both of them were free to throw themselves more freely into advancing their respective careers. At first, Darlene was thrilled to make headway at a job change she’d desired for years. Terry, too, was glad to have the opportunity of working overtime if need be without having to feel guilty for not being home on time for dinner with the family.

Both Darlene and Terry had made allowances for other’s busyness. Then one early evening when the two of them were finally at home together, Darlene began to realize how little they had left to say to one another. It frightened her. Promptly, Darlene started scheduling in “at-home” date nights where they would enjoy a special dinner and some music, the perfect setting for quality conversation. Terry agreed to set aside work for this weekly engagement, and for the first few weeks, it went without a hitch.

But soon, Terry was finding it harder and harder to push work responsibilities aside for time with Darlene. Being warned that he might not make it the following evening, Darlene felt like giving up. Going to bed that evening, Darlene felt like giving up, but instead, she prayed, Lord, find a way to release Terry from his obligations tomorrow. The next morning, Darlene woke up the newscaster issuing a citywide warning to stay off the streets that day. Unbeknownst to Darlene, their southern town had endured an ice storm and a drop in temperatures so severe that the highways were covered with ice. Looking outside, Darlene could hardly believe her eyes. Wow, when you do something, Lord, you do it in grand style.

“The Lord is far from the wicked,
But He hears the prayer of the righteous,
Bright eyes gladden the heart;
Good news puts fat on the bones.”

Proverbs 15: 29, 30

Dear Lord,

I really cannot fathom how timely this act of God has occurred. All I asked for was a few hours of time with my spouse and you blessed me with an entire day. Thank you, Lord. Some might call it coincidence, but I call it a gift from on high. I am so grateful for the precious hours we are able to spend together. I pray that this short retreat from our daily obligations would spur us on to more and more private times.

In recent months, I have been so aware of how easily relationships slip. When our children were home, we worked hard to get time away. Of late, we’ve become lazy and now we’re paying a high price for such neglect. Lord, place within us both a renewed desire for rekindling our love one for the other. Help us to have the self-discipline to set aside other responsibilities and place our marriage in it proper place of priority. Make us strong where we have been weak. Bind us together within the bounds of your love. Let our years together continue to be ones of unity, accord, and genuine love.

Amen

“I think about the light of Christ rectifying the sin by which came death to the world, even when I am just lighting two thin tapers over dinner. The Light of Christ, I sometimes say to myself, Thanks be to God.”

Lauren F. Winner in Mudhouse Sabbath

Copyright 2009 Michele Howe

– — –

{italic}{bold}Michele Howe{/bold}, also writes a women’s lifestyle column, “Embracing Life’s Curves,” which is offered through the Syndicated Writers of America. Visit {url http://www.buystory.com}the BuyStory website{/url}, to see additional commentary. Her email address is {email jhowe@toast.net}jhowe@toast.net{/email}. © copyright 2007 by Michele Howe{/italic}

Sorry, cactus man, I guess you’re going to have to weather this downpour without my help. As the sky continued to empty its contents for hours on end, Jackie worked around the house getting everything in order before her children were due home from their first day of school. And what a day it had been.

Beginning at 5:30 am, Jackie was up and about making scrambled egg and toast, packing lunches, and just generally overseeing everyone’s departure. Unlike other first day of school mornings, Jackie was particularly nerved up. Her youngest son was starting his first day at the high school and Jackie was strung higher than a kite. Even though her son had faired well academically in past years, Jackie felt for Blake.

He wasn’t following in his older brothers’ footsteps. Rather, in just about every possible way, Blake had taken his own road. Quiet, introspective, Blake seemed more than content to be alone. He didn’t seek out other boys his age for games of one-on-one or have any desire for a little companionship, a fact that preyed on Jackie’s mind daily. She wondered what she could do to encourage Blake to be more sociable. Thus far, nothing had been effective.

Jackie also fretted that the other kids would give her son grief because of his uniqueness, but they hadn’t. So, why the worry? Jackie realized it was her own fear of losing control over her children’s lives that was the real issue at hand. She didn’t want them, or in this case, Blake, to travel down a road she couldn’t direct from the sidelines.

Jackie had to admit it; Blake’s situation wasn’t ideal. But lacking any immediate solution, Jackie realized her sole resource was to pray. So pray she did. As she continued to complete her to-do list, the skies finally parted and the sun even peeked out intermittently. Jackie took her basement rugs outside for a good shaking and noticed how well her cactus was doing. I can’t believe it, with all the extra rain we’ve had, and my forgetting to bring you inside and you’re still growing?

Despite all the unfavorable conditions, Jackie was secretly encouraged by the tenaciousness of this prickly plant. Inspecting it yet closer, Jackie felt better about Blake’s situation too. Circumstances may be of my control, but even difficulties can become the impetus for productive growth.

“If you are slack in the day of distress, Your strength is limited.” Proverbs 24: 10

Dear Lord,

Amen.

“Don’t bother to give God instructions; just report for duty.”   Editors in God’s Little Devotional Journal for Women

Bone tired, Martha grabbed her terry robe and cinched it around her waist. She quietly gathered a couple of books. Very carefully, very quietly, Martha left the bedroom where her husband’s light snores made her glance back at him in frustration. It was your snoring that woke me….and kept me awake…do you realize that, Martha mouthed silently. Entering their all seasons porch, Martha flipped on the light, sat down heavily and made herself comfortable.

Looking down at the book she held in her hands, Martha sighed. What an unlikely chore to be tackling before dawn. Thumbing through the white compilation of data made Martha want to cry. All these numbers, and I can’t focus on a one, she lamented. I need sleep, more of it, more often. How many times in the past several months have I resorted to angry tears as my only release from this exhausting no-win situation?

If only Tom would get some help…then maybe I wouldn’t find myself living on the short-end of sleep all the time. I’m the one who’s constantly…and abruptly woken up every night with his snoring. All this dry air isn’t helping matters either. How many mornings has Tom gotten up with a dry, irritated throat? I tell him it’s all that open-mouth breathing he does!

Setting her work aside, Martha’s eyes glazed over as she watched the faintest shadow of light appear over the red rocks surrounding her line of vision. Sun’s coming up, Martha realized. Turn off the light, something inside her urged. Flicking the off switch, Martha turned back around and was awed by the slowing emerging kaleidoscope of colors. A veritable rainbow was spreading across the sky…beautiful.

In quiet reverence, Martha studied the contrast of shapes and colors with now avid interest. With a slowly awakening sense of consciousness…and gratefulness for having witnessed this showy invigorating display of nature, Martha’s eyes filled. Not with sorrow or from lack of sleep, but from somewhere deep within her soul. It was her heart’s way of thanking God for the reminder.

“While I was fainting away,
I remembered the Lord;
And my prayer came to Thee,
Into Thy holy temple.”
Jonah 2: 7

Dear Lord,

I am worn out. Through and through, I’m pretty well spent. And you know it better than anyone, correct? I spend enough of my time silently ranting about my lack of sleep don’t I? Blaming it for my ill-tempered behavior. Lord, I am running on empty…have been for  quite some time now. I don’t see any respite coming either. I am attempting to solve the problem as best I can, but when issues involve the cooperation of others, it’s not always within my power to rush in and playing the conquering fix-it role.

Yet I cannot go on in this same vein. I must find a workable solution that will allow me time for much needed rest. I pray now that you would assist me as I work to find a way through this dilemma. Help my loved one to understand that he does need medical intervention. Give me the wisdom to speak words of encouragement and to be calm when I broach the subject yet another time.

Lord, I am at my wits’ end. But I understand that you are with me, enabling me to fulfill my responsibilities. I ask that your strength would continue to provide me with all I require for this day. Let me not look ahead and despair…but count upon the grace needed for today alone. Thank you for your abundant love toward me. I see it in the most unlikely places. Even this morning, I never expected to be treated to such a spellbinding scene of nature. Yet you knew I needed to see the splendorous world’s awakening. Thank you for the soul food you offered my way. It was gratefully accepted.
Amen.

“Forgive me if this sounds too simplistic, but the only thing worth doing is usually the last thing we try doing – turning it over to God, the Specialist, who has never yet been handed an impossibility He couldn’t handle. Grab that problem by the throat and thrust is skyward!”   Charles R. Swindoll in Strengthening Your Grip

Sorry, cactus man, I guess you’re going to have to weather this downpour without my help. As the sky continued to empty its contents for hours on end, Jackie worked around the house getting everything in order before her children were due home from their first day of school. And what a day it had been.

Beginning at 5:30 am, Jackie was up and about making scrambled egg and toast, packing lunches, and just generally overseeing everyone’s departure. Unlike other first day of school mornings, Jackie was particularly nerved up. Her youngest son was starting his first day at the high school and Jackie was strung higher than a kite. Even though her son had faired well academically in past years, Jackie felt for Blake.

He wasn’t following in his older brothers’ footsteps. Rather, in just about every possible way, Blake had taken his own road. Quiet, introspective, Blake seemed more than content to be alone. He didn’t seek out other boys his age for games of one-on-one or have any desire for a little companionship, a fact that preyed on Jackie’s mind daily. She wondered what she could do to encourage Blake to be more sociable. Thus far, nothing had been effective.

Jackie also fretted that the other kids would give her son grief because of his uniqueness, but they hadn’t. So, why the worry? Jackie realized it was her own fear of losing control over her children’s lives that was the real issue at hand. She didn’t want them, or in this case, Blake, to travel down a road she couldn’t direct from the sidelines.

Jackie had to admit it; Blake’s situation wasn’t ideal. But lacking any immediate solution, Jackie realized her sole resource was to pray. So pray she did. As she continued to complete her to-do list, the skies finally parted and the sun even peeked out intermittently. Jackie took her basement rugs outside for a good shaking and noticed how well her cactus was doing. I can’t believe it, with all the extra rain we’ve had, and my forgetting to bring you inside and you’re still growing?

Despite all the unfavorable conditions, Jackie was secretly encouraged by the tenaciousness of this prickly plant. Inspecting it yet closer, Jackie felt better about Blake’s situation too. Circumstances may be of my control, but even difficulties can become the impetus for productive growth.

“If you are slack in the day of distress, Your strength is limited.”  Proverbs 24: 10

Dear Lord,

Of all things, you used a quaint, insignificant plant to teach me a lesson I’ve been bucking for months. For as long as I can recall, I’ve been living in a place of constant tension. My mother’s heart is obsessed with protecting my children from pain of any form. I cannot simply sit by and watch them stumble along without trying to direct their steps, their choices. Yet, all too often, events occur beyond my control and I become single-minded in my quest to correct, improve, or solve their problems.

Lord, I realize now that the toughest periods of life, the suffering, bring to light the faith or lack-thereof that we possess. In these times of deepest distress, we discover where our true security lies. And I must ask your pardon, for I have found it nigh impossible to relinquish my children’s cares into your hands.

Lord, for myself, I can trust you. But I resist allowing you to be Lord over my children’s lives. Please, help me to overcome this sinful lack of faith. For sin it is, you are Lord God over all, may I never forget that you love my children perfectly…in every way. Enter into my heart of hearts, I pray. Remove the doubt I cling to, and replace it with a greater faith than I have ever known.

Amen.

“Don’t bother to give God instructions; just report for duty.”   Editors in God’s Little Devotional Journal for Women

Copyright 2009 Michele Howe

Bone tired, Martha grabbed her terry robe and cinched it around her waist. She quietly gathered a couple of books. Very carefully, very quietly, Martha left the bedroom where her husband’s light snores made her glance back at him in frustration. It was your snoring that woke me….and kept me awake…do you realize that, Martha mouthed silently. Entering their all seasons porch, Martha flipped on the light, sat down heavily and made herself comfortable.

Looking down at the book she held in her hands, Martha sighed. What an unlikely chore to be tackling before dawn. Thumbing through the white compilation of data made Martha want to cry. All these numbers, and I can’t focus on a one, she lamented. I need sleep, more of it, more often. How many times in the past several months have I resorted to angry tears as my only release from this exhausting no-win situation?

If only Tom would get some help…then maybe I wouldn’t find myself living on the short-end of sleep all the time. I’m the one who’s constantly…and abruptly woken up every night with his snoring. All this dry air isn’t helping matters either. How many mornings has Tom gotten up with a dry, irritated throat? I tell him it’s all that open-mouth breathing he does!

Setting her work aside, Martha’s eyes glazed over as she watched the faintest shadow of light appear over the red rocks surrounding her line of vision. Sun’s coming up, Martha realized. Turn off the light, something inside her urged. Flicking the off switch, Martha turned back around and was awed by the slowing emerging kaleidoscope of colors. A veritable rainbow was spreading across the sky…beautiful.

In quiet reverence, Martha studied the contrast of shapes and colors with now avid interest. With a slowly awakening sense of consciousness…and gratefulness for having witnessed this showy invigorating display of nature, Martha’s eyes filled. Not with sorrow or from lack of sleep, but from somewhere deep within her soul. It was her heart’s way of thanking God for the reminder.

“While I was fainting away,
I remembered the Lord;
And my prayer came to Thee,
Into Thy holy temple.”
Jonah 2: 7

Dear Lord,

I am worn out. Through and through, I’m pretty well spent. And you know it better than anyone, correct? I spend enough of my time silently ranting about my lack of sleep don’t I? Blaming it for my ill-tempered behavior. Lord, I am running on empty…have been for  quite some time now. I don’t see any respite coming either. I am attempting to solve the problem as best I can, but when issues involve the cooperation of others, it’s not always within my power to rush in and playing the conquering fix-it role.

Yet I cannot go on in this same vein. I must find a workable solution that will allow me time for much needed rest. I pray now that you would assist me as I work to find a way through this dilemma. Help my loved one to understand that he does need medical intervention. Give me the wisdom to speak words of encouragement and to be calm when I broach the subject yet another time.

Lord, I am at my wits’ end. But I understand that you are with me, enabling me to fulfill my responsibilities. I ask that your strength would continue to provide me with all I require for this day. Let me not look ahead and despair…but count upon the grace needed for today alone. Thank you for your abundant love toward me. I see it in the most unlikely places. Even this morning, I never expected to be treated to such a spellbinding scene of nature. Yet you knew I needed to see the splendorous world’s awakening. Thank you for the soul food you offered my way. It was gratefully accepted.

Amen.

“Forgive me if this sounds too simplistic, but the only thing worth doing is usually the last thing we try doing – turning it over to God, the Specialist, who has never yet been handed an impossibility He couldn’t handle. Grab that problem by the throat and thrust is skyward!”   Charles R. Swindoll in Strengthening Your Grip

Copyright 2009 Michele Howe

Betsy gently shut the door and went back to the library to make a few more calls. It was already mid-afternoon by the time she’d finished setting up her mom’s follow-up appointments and her rehabilitation schedule. Mom will be glad to get into rehab next week; she’s been so restless these past few days. Waiting to get the final word from her mom’s surgeon to release her to rehab, Betsy shook her head wonderingly, my mom, the original Energizer Bunny herself. I don’t know if I’d be so eager to get into the stresses and strains of thrice weekly rehab.

Getting up from the desk, Betsy checked her list of to-dos for the day and then looked at the clock. Mail must be here by now. Opening the brass-handled knob, Betsy slipped outside and was immediately hit with the oppressive heat, wow; thank the Lord for central air. I couldn’t take it this hot year round, she thought as longings for her green grass and summer flower garden erupted within and sent pangs of homesickness through her.

As Betsy gathered the contents from the mailbox, she noticed several white envelopes with her named addressed on them. What’s this? Opening the top pale ivory one, Betsy pulled out a card, her birthday greeting from a friend. Betsy inhaled its fragrance and smiled again. Mmmm…. Lilacs, smells divine…just like those found around Karen’s fence. After reading the lovely sentiments, Betsy tucked the card back inside its envelope.

She then opened the next card and was teary-eyed before she even read its contents. All along the front, were brightly colored dried flowers set in a wreath-like shape. Betsy fingered this 3-dimensional work of art gently before she read the inside. Another friendly reminder from yet another good friend.

Betsy then retrieved the final card and before she got it completely out, hundreds of flaming red confetti shaped lips fell out on the sidewalk. Stifling a laugh, Betsy knew this one was from her husband Jeff. As she studied the card, she was delighted to find out that as soon as she arrived home, Jeff would be treating her to a weekend of romantic pampering. And I thought my birthday celebrations would wait until I flew home in two weeks, she said aloud.

Back inside, Betsy looked in on her mom again. Look what came in today’s mail, Mom. Together, good friends, mother and daughter, spent some precious time laughing, remembering, and planning more beautiful family festivities.

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us, offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.”  Ephesians 5: 1, 2

Dear Lord,

I’m so abundantly grateful for this one on one time you’ve given me with my dear beloved family member. I cannot express how precious the hours and days have been to me. Before I arrived, I admit that I was fighting some anxiety. I didn’t know how it would all mesh out. And now, I can take an over-my-shoulder glance back and see your hand of preparedness and care in every area.

Thank you, Lord. Instead of this healing time becoming a period of discouragement or despair…it has been a respite break for me, for us. I have had the honor of caring for one who has spent her life nurturing me…always considering my needs above her own. In this small way, I’ve been able to give back a bit of care and comfort now. And not only have you blessed us with hours of sweet communion, you’ve also sent me love letters from home.

How special I feel! It matters not that I’m miles and miles away from my true home…no, you’ve found ways to erase the distance and the sporadic spurts of loneliness I feel with the sights and smells from home. All in all, no matter where I lay my head, you comfort me. I bless your holy name! In the days to come, I pray that I might also become a conduit of your fragrant love to all I encounter.

Amen.

“Life is to be lived and not tippytoed around!”  Jan Silvious in Look At It This Way

Copyright 2009 Michele Howe

In a short five weeks, Victoria would be an officially divorced woman. It pained her to even go there anymore. All the hows and what ifs had faded into the backdrop of Victoria’s mind. Now Victoria spent her mental energy contemplating surviving both emotionally and financially.

Victoria continued to reminisce the emotional counter play she’d endured when her husband said he was moving out that weekend. Stunned and in disbelief, Victoria tried to talk him out of it, suggested counseling, or even going away for a while to regroup, but all in vain.

Eventually recognizing defeat, Victoria got herself into counseling and continued to work through her anger and bitterness. She couldn’t believe how exhausted she’d become. Each night after work, she’d literally drag herself through the door and crash on the couch. After a restless night, Victoria would force herself back out the door and head to work.

Weeks went by as Victoria clung to this pitiful pattern until a friend stopped over and forced Victoria to accompany her to the symphony…it had done her good, she later admitted. So one small step led to others and finally Victoria was taking it upon herself to schedule needed…and wanted…appointments. Today was one such engagement, and as Victoria had in months’ past, was actually looking forward to bending her head back over the rinse bowl and shutting her eyes for a bit as she savored the pampering. It didn’t take Victoria long to relax in the capable hands of her good friend and stylist.

Then she’d be ushered to a quieter corner where she’d be handed a juice concoction and would relax and listen to the artisan’s metal waterfall situated nearby. This was the best part, Victoria believed, relishing a small sliver of time as her outer shell was shaped up as her soul rejuvenated. And Victoria was well aware that there was no more appropriate period in her life to take advantage of these measures of kindness that reminded her of the tender graces still at work in the world.

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus.” Titus 2: 11 – 13

Dear Lord,

Here I am in the midst of dry, angry desert feeling more parched than ever before. My soul is shriveled and my emotions dust. I can’t wait until this season of my life is over. Seems every day my heart constricts a little further. And yet, you’re holding out hope for my recovery aren’t you? I see your hand of care through words of kindness and small gestures of concern.

Yet I am prone to resisting any attempt to entering life again. I do not want life on these terms! There, I’ve gotten it out at last. I want nothing more than another chance to get it right…but I’ve no say in the matter. It’s done and over. Now, I sense you urging me forward…to live this day fully and with grace you supply.

I understand well enough that nothing in me is battle-worthy. I am weak and frail…and I need your strength to get me on to the path of life again. Will you offer your hand to me yet again? I pray that you will disregard my mistaken attempts to push you from my heart. I am afraid; it’s true. But I cannot stay in this place of pain indefinitely. Lord, take my wounded heart and soul, hold them securely, and set a vision of hope into my mind even now.

Amen.

“Dragons and nits and the noonday demons lie in wait. But the road is not entirely rough. There are oases along the way. It would be a dreadful mistake to assume that our Beloved is only waiting for us at the end of the road. Our communion with him sustains us along our path.”

Brent Curtis and John Eldredge in The Sacred Romance

Copyright 2009 Michele Howe

No, I can’t blame these onions…she thought bitterly. Dicing the onions and mixing them into her black bean soup, Lynn reached for the spices. Gathering the chili powder, cumin and black pepper, Lynn added each ingredient carefully and gave her flavorful soup another stir before placing a lid on the soon-to-be delicious concoction.

Lynn always allowed her edible creations more time to simmer and stew than most recipes called for. She knew from experience that some of the finest flavors blossomed only after having been cooked for long periods of time. Setting the burner on low, Lynn washed her hands again and set her hands to mixing up a batch of corn bread to go with dinner.

Try as she might, Lynn wasn’t succeeding in distracting herself from her mind’s auto replay of her fight with Shelby. Going over the whole conversation was pointless, but Lynn felt compelled to revisit the painful accusations over and again. Feeling her stomach tense and a whopper of a headache blooming, Lynn shrugged her shoulders and sighed.

Lord, what can I do to make peace with my sister? She made it quite clear she doesn’t want to see my family or me until I apologize for offending them. But I didn’t offend, did I? I honestly don’t believe I said anything to warrant such a reaction from Shelby. But she gets hotter than…well, hotter than this soup I’m making! Please show me what the next step is. I’m just not sure what I should or shouldn’t do. Do I submit to her demands or do I just sit back and hope she cools down and gets over it?

No solution is coming to my mind. Then again, maybe I’m still too wired to make a sound decision. Nodding her head in sudden agreement, Lynn glanced over at her soup pot…takes time to make it right, right? Perhaps I need to be patient and give you time and opportunity to work in both our hearts before I rush in and force the issue. Grabbing her quilted potholder, Lynn gingerly removed the lid and took a taste test.

Mmmm…good…but it will be so much more tasty by this afternoon. Patience, Lynn, discipline yourself to wait for the right time…and pray while you wait.

“So I gave my attention to the Lord God to seek Him by prayer and supplications, with fasting, sackcloth, and ashes.”
Daniel 9: 3

Dear Lord,

I am undone. By my own willful and stubborn pride I have once again alienated my loved one. I feel misery beyond the telling. My heart is shattering and I do not know how to bring healing to it. It seems that I have created a rift that will never mend. Despite my good intentions, I am misunderstood, and even maligned. There is nothing I want more than peace with those I love.

Yet, seemingly, we are always to be at odds with one another. I realize now that there is nothing I can do to change this opinion of me. Apart from daily interceding on their behalf, as well as my own, I am stumped. So, from the abjectness of my heart, I come again to you…like the beggar I am, pleading for the strength and resilience I require. Let not bitterness or anger linger within me. Enable me to press past my own feelings of pain.

Help me, Lord, to offer frequent prayers of supplication for my loved one. And encourage me to do this small service with passion and consistency. As I seek to set aside the hurt I am experiencing, I pray that you would bring comfort of the sort I need. Be my support and help during this time of trial. I would release this relationship now into your care and keeping, confident that you alone hold the power to redeem it for your glory and honor. I willingly place my complete trust in you.

Amen.

“This is the paradox: Victory comes through surrender. Surrender doesn’t weaken you; it strengthens you. Surrendered to God, you don’t have to fear or surrender to anything else.”  Rick Warren in The Purpose Driven Life

Copyright 2009 Michele Howe