The process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing; an opinion or estimate so formed; the capacity for judging; DISCERNMENT; the exercise of this capacity; a proposition stating something believed or asserted.

That pretty much says it, doesn’t it? The truth is, everybody uses judgment every day. It just gets more complicated when other people evaluate the “judgment”. Whether it was good or bad depends on who you ask.

So how do you know who to listen to? Who gets to decide if you’re showing good judgment?

The answer comes when you look to God for answers. Believing and relying on God’s word sheds incredible light on the issue. Because God has an amazing plan for you and your life, He does all He can to help you find and attain it. That means when you work with God, He gives you the grace to make right decisions and show good judgment.

Of course, I’m not so sure that extends to that ugly, green shirt you just bought because it was on sale. And it might not cover your decision to shave your head because you lost a bet. I think the consequences of those decisions will ultimately be yours and yours alone!

There is a real danger, though. Just because you’re working with God to move forward in your own life, doesn’t mean you have the right or responsibility to judge what someone else is doing. It’s so easy to “have an opinion” about others because you have no direct responsibility for what other people do or say. But God isn’t going to ask about other people when you stand before Him someday, He is going to be concerned about what you said and did.

So how do you get started working with God so you can start making right decisions and showing good judgment?

Make the decision to let God be God. You’ll never make progress in this area as long as you refuse to give up control. It certainly isn’t easy, and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight, especially if you’re a control freak as I once was. It almost drove me completely nuts when I gave up control of things. But it helped immensely when I realized there was somebody more qualified than me in charge of my life.

*  Study the Word. The only way you’re going to get to know God and His character is to study His word. It won’t take long before you’re able to judge situations and circumstances with a new view. Decisions are easier because you already know in advance the direction you want your life to go.

*  Surround yourself with people who are further along in the journey. There is no reason to learn every lesson yourself when you have a perfectly good example right in front of you. Learn from the mistakes of others so your own learning curve is less. You’ll be very glad you don’t have to go through every mistake, but trust me, you’ll still make plenty on your own.

*  Never give up. Be glad about your progress. Let yourself off the hook. You didn’t start showing poor judgment overnight and you won’t always show good judgment now, just because you want to. Just be happy you’re making progress and you’re seeing things in your life improve.

*  Showing good judgment takes time, but once you make the commitment to move forward in this area, you’re halfway there. Working with God is continuous, but so worth the effort.
For more help on this topic, go to How Sound is Your Christian Judgment?



Copyright 2010 Karen Wolff

As parents, it sometimes takes a while for us to discover that the thing our kids want most from us is our time. But oh, time always seems to be the thing we find in short supply.

I remember when my son was about 4 years old. He attended a local preschool, but it was only a few mornings a week so very often I had this four year old who wanted my time. Every day. All day.

So I would play board games with him in the afternoons. I remember he and I would always claim to be “Champion of the World” when one of us would win. Of course, beating a 4 year old isn’t exactly something to brag about on my resume, but nonetheless, I always made sure the title passed back and forth… sometimes.

My son and I both fondly recall those days as very special times when we built a relationship. And the truth is, I had a hard time saying no to my son after all that relationship building. I knew my son wasn’t hanging out with me just for what he could get me to buy him, but the relationship we built meant that when he did ask for something, my heart was more than willing to consider it.

Why is it so difficult to see that as a parent, God is no different? There are some who see God as a giant Santa Claus. You simply submit your wish list and wake up one morning to find that all is well. They fail to realize that relationship is everything. It’s the one thing God wants more than anything else. And it’s when we take the time to seek God’s face, which is simply that ongoing relationship with Him, that He extends His hand because His heart is open to hear all we have to say.

Relationship is Everything

A few weeks ago I read an amazing book called, “Daily Inspirations for Finding Favor with the King”, by Tommey Teney. This book talks about the importance and relevance of Christian praise and worship in building a relationship with God. What impressed me was the author’s insistence that praise and worship must be directed to God’s face and NOT His hand. If your motive is to love God, to spend time with God, to truly want to be in God’s presence, then your praise and worship will be met by God with open arms.

If, however, your motive is to try to earn a blessing, or to impress those around you, or even to fulfill some sense of obligation, you’ve missed the boat COMPLETELY.

So how do you know if your relationship with God is centered around His face or simply His hand? What can you do to make sure your motive is pure as you praise and worship God?

Christian praise and worship can be one of the most powerful ways to help you build your relationship with God. There is nothing better than feeling the love, peace, and acceptance that you feel when God’s presence is all around you.

But just remember, like a parent, God is looking for that ongoing relationship. When He sees your open heart and your desire to get to know Him for who He is, His heart opens to hear all you have to say.

What a concept…seeking God’s face and then feeling the blessings from His hand.

For more help on this topic, go to “The Key to Unlocking God’s Door”



Copyright 2010 Karen Wolff

Most of the time we can’t see anything important enough to make us stop moving long enough to evaluate where we are, let alone where we’re going. And of course, as long as we don’t feel an immediate, pressing problem preventing us from moving forward, there’s no reason to stop. At least, that’s what the world says.

Most of the time it takes some kind of tragedy to stop us in our tracks. Then we look around and wonder why it happened…why me? And that’s when the struggle really starts. Sound familiar?

I Can’t Look

There they all are…our priorities all laid out, Christian or not. When we’re forced to look at where we are, sometimes we’re faced with some really difficult truths. Often it isn’t hard to see why we’re in the situation we’re in, and that is pretty tough to swallow. And yet, our next step is to do absolutely everything we can to reason our way out of our mess. There has to be someone to blame, there has to be something to do, there has to be some way out of this mess!

And so the mess continues until we’ve absolutely exhausted every remedy we can think of. And, after all else fails, we FINALLY throw up our hands and ask God for help.

God…You Want Me to Do What?

It isn’t until we stop trying and start relying that God has a chance to work. Being the perfect gentleman, God won’t interfere with what we’re trying to do until we stop, step aside, and let God into the situation.

But of course, we expect God to straighten out our mess today. Right now would even be better. It may have taken us weeks, months, or even years to create the mess, but we expect God to clean it up in a day. And when it appears that He’s not moving fast enough, we get frustrated. We start whining, complaining, grumbling. And of course, we might even try to take control again, and of course, it just prolongs the answers from coming.

When God does come on the scene, we’ll know it. His Word says we will experience peace and the knowledge that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.

And let’s face it, when we’re in the middle of a bad situation, peace can be a very good thing.

We’ll be able to rest assured, knowing God is working and no matter what, we’re going to be OK.

Get REAL….

But when God enters the picture, He does expect us to…

• Get honest. That means taking responsibility for the choices we’ve made that have caused us to be in our current situation. It means stopping the blame game. It ain’t easy to get real.
• Forgive everyone who’s hurt us. OUCH. This is one of the hardest things to do, especially if we’re still in the middle of it all, and things are still pretty awful.
• Be open to whatever He wants us to do. Sometimes that can mean doing nothing. Sometimes it can mean apologizing, walking away, or even just accepting things as they are until God has a chance to change things.

God never promised the ride wouldn’t be bumpy, but He did promise that He’ll sit right beside us the entire way. Things may not get better today or tomorrow, but slowly, little by little, God will make sense out of it all and set us back on the right path. The trick is to stay focused on the right priorities; the ones that lead to peace. Those would be our Christian priorities.

More info can be found at www.christian-books-for-women.com/My Christian Priorities….Or Not

Copyright 2009 Karen Wolff

Most people think finding your life purpose means doing something you truly love.  It’s an area that just seems natural to you and things just seem to fall into place.

But what if things aren’t so clear for you?  What if you’re not sure what your gifts are?  What if you haven’t discovered any particular talent that makes you think it could be your true calling in life?  Or what if you’re working somewhere and you’re good at it, but you just don’t feel fulfilled?  Is this all there is for you?

Don’t panic.  You’re not alone.  There are lots of people in the same boat.  Take a look at the Disciples.  Now, there’s a diverse group.  Before Jesus came on the scene, they were fishermen, tax collectors, farmers, etc.  They must’ve been good at what they were doing because they were feeding their families and making a living.

But then they met Jesus, and their true calling came into focus very quickly.  What the Disciples didn’t know is that God wanted them to be happy MORE than they did.  And following God’s plan for their lives made them happy inside, where it really matters.  What a concept, huh?

Do you suppose it could be true for you too?  That God wants you to be truly happy and fulfilled MORE than you do?

And Your Next Step Is…

The next step in finding your life purpose is right in the book.  All you have to do is read it.  The Bible says Jesus told His disciples they were supposed to love one another as He loved them.  And He wasn’t kidding.  Getting really good at this part of the process is like building the basement of your house.  You wouldn’t dream of moving forward without a rock solid foundation.

Discovering God’s purpose for your life is exactly the same.  The foundation of the process means getting really good at being a Christian.  Yup, that means being nice to people even when you don’t feel like it, forgiving people, and oh yes, loving the unlovable people in the world.

So what does all that stuff have to do with what I’m supposed to be when I grow up?  Everything.  When you get good at being a Christian, you also get good at hearing from God.  He’s able to use you.  He’s able to work through you.  And it’s through that process that you’ll discover your true purpose in life.

<B>But What About Me and My Life?</B>

So if you get really great at being a Christian, or at least, you think you are, and you still haven’t found that true purpose, then what?

Getting really good at being a Christian means you stop thinking about you all the time.  Take the focus off you and look for ways to be a blessing to someone else.  There is no better way to receive help and direction in your own life than to focus on someone else.  It seems completely opposite of what the world tells you.  After all, if you’re not looking out for yourself, then who will?  Well…that would be God.

When you focus on someone else’s business, God will focus on yours.  It’s planting seeds in great soil, and now you simply need to wait for God to bring a harvest into your life.  And in the meantime…

Step Out and Try It

Working with God to find your life purpose means working as a team.  When you take a step, God takes a step.

• Be willing to try some things that interest you. You will know very quickly if you’ve found the right thing for you.  Doors will either open or slam shut.  Either way, you’ll know where you stand.
• Be Patient. Wanting to know everything right this second is pretty common these days.  Learning to trust that God will show you when He’s ready; that takes patience.  God isn’t going to show you every piece of the puzzle all at once.  If He did, you’d get that “deer in the headlights” look, because you’d be so overwhelmed by it all.  Not to mention you’d be overly tempted to come up with a back-up plan “just in case” things didn’t work out.
• Don’t waste your time on things you KNOW aren’t from God. “Get rich quick” schemes never work.  Finding a Christian husband or wife won’t happen if you’re focused on activities and events that don’t involve Christians.  And participating in things you know are wrong…well, you’re simply prolonging your answers.
• Don’t let the people around you talk you into things. Just because it all sounds like a good idea from the world’s view doesn’t mean it’s God’s plan for you.  Following God’s leading sometimes means you have to say no to many well-meaning family members or friends.  It comes down to the decision to follow, no matter where it leads.
• Lastly, DON’T ever give up. You may not know your specific purpose today or tomorrow, but as long as you’re really great at being a Christian, and your heart is open, you WILL find God and He WILL find you.

Copyright 2009 Karen Wolff

Where did that overwhelming sense of entitlement come from? Is it because you live in a country that is blessed beyond comprehension and you won’t settle for anything less than the best and most of absolutely everything?

Or is it because your sense of “me first” is so prevalent that complaining just comes as a natural after-effect?

It’s easy to complain about your boss or in-laws. After all, those people were put on this earth just to test your patience and fortitude, right?

And it’s easy to complain about money. After all, you can only chase so many blue light specials…..

And of course your spouse…well, talk about Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.  You married one person and somewhere along the line, when you weren’t looking, you ended up with another. Now, if ever there was a reason to complain. In fact, you could probably write an entire book filled with complaints on this one.

An oh, those kids. If only they would make every right choice you know is best for them. In fact, if they would just let you run things for them, you wouldn’t have to complain so much. Yeah, that would really go over big, wouldn’t it?

When you really think about it, complaining is disrespectful. Your message is that your spouse, your kids, and everyone else you complain about, just don’t meet your standards. They fall short of your expectations and somehow, you have a right to demand better. You are the constant judge of their behavior.

How do you think it feels for the people in your life to be on the receiving end of this?

And of course, how disrespectful is complaining to God? Remember what happened to the Israelites? That whole “wandering in the desert for 40 years” episode didn’t happen accidentally. God seems to think whining and complaining has consequences.

So, what are your options? How do you stop this runaway train?

Stop the Madness

Complaining is just like any other really bad habit. Once you do something for a long time, your automatic behavior is to simply keep doing it. But, just like other bad habits, you CAN change your behavior. Here are some things that might help.

• Make it a point to focus on the positive. Deliberately look for positive things in your life, no matter how small, and send up a prayer of gratitude. Because your words reflect whatever goes on in your mind, focusing on the good stuff will definitely limit your time to focus on the not-so-positive stuff.
• Find ways to create the positive. Look for opportunities to be a blessing to someone else. There are open doors all over the place if you take the time to look. After you’ve done this, see how much better “positive” feels. Knowing you helped someone else is a great feeling. Notice how the irritability, the lack of patience, and the hostility disappear.
• Show your kids and your spouse what “positive” looks like. Find the good in every person in your family and point it out to them. Show them how things can change through your example. I can’t think of a better investment in your family.
• Cut yourself some slack. Change won’t happen overnight, so don’t beat yourself up if you slip back into your old way. Be happy about the progress you’re making. Every time you slip, just know there will be many more times when you say and do what’s right. As long as your commitment is in tact, just keep moving forward.

Changing your family priority to focusing on the positive can be life changing, not only for your family, but for everyone that comes in contact with them.

You CAN stop complaining. You CAN be more positive. Just change the way you think and you’ll automatically change the way you act.

For more help go to How Did You Stop Complaining?



Copyright 2009 Karen Wolff

Oh wait…those days never existed.

Jealousy is probably one of the world’s oldest emotions. It’s been around since the beginning of time. Look at Cain and Abel. Now there’s a prime example of jealousy run amok.

What causes jealousy? Why does it start and how do you overcome it? Here are some common causes:

• Unmet expectations. Many times we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves and the people around us. Often times we feel things should come easier and faster to us. Then when things don’t happen when we think they should, we ALWAYS run into someone who already has what we want, and all of a sudden, you feel this surge of ugly, green emotion called jealousy.
• Our sense of entitlement. For some reason we have this ingrained attitude that we are entitled to things. Kids leaving the nest for the first time believe their own standard of living should be the same as their parents, who have worked for years and years. Many times people who have financial problems feel “entitled” to buy things on credit, even though they know it’s a bad idea. Having the nicest car and the newest toys is more important than getting out of debt.
• Insecurity. It is so easy to look at other people and wish we had what they have. And so many times it doesn’t stop there. We start berating ourselves internally about why we don’t have it, then we believe all that junk, and the next thing you know we develop insecurities in our relationships. After you read about all the stuff that can cause those feelings of jealousy, you may feel like you’re doomed to always feeling like you’ll be coming up short in some area of life. But that surely isn’t the case. There IS some good news. There are some things you can do to stop the jealousy ball from rolling right over you.
• Stop Comparing yourself to other people. You were created as a very unique and special person. God had a plan for you long before you took your first breath. Relish that thought. Love the fact that you’re special. What God has in mind for you isn’t the same as for someone else. So you don’t have to feel bad that you don’t have all the qualities, features, money, or anything else that someone else has. Your journey is just that…YOURS.
• Stop worrying about YOU all the time. Find a way to be a blessing to someone else. When you change your focus away from you, all of a sudden you feel so great about yourself. You get to experience something that only comes when you’re a blessing to someone else. Your priorities start changing, and one day you realize that the things that used to make you so jealous and so nuts, don’t bother you so much anymore.
• Stop wanting what other people have if you’re not willing to go through what they did to get it. When you see a person who is physically fit and looks positively great, it’s easy to feel REALLY jealous. But are you willing to work out every day? Are you willing to eat healthy and look for ways to be healthy? If you’re not, then there really is no reason to feel jealous, is there?
• Start focusing on all that’s positive in your life. God has given you so many wonderful gifts that many other people don’t have. Focus on using those gifts to help someone else. Since your mind can only consciously think about one thing at a time, doesn’t it make sense to make sure that “one thing” is positive and is moving you toward the really great things in life?

Breaking free from jealousy starts with your thoughts. When you change the way you think, you change the way you feel and act. Change your focus to helping others.  It will definitely be time well spent…or should I say thoughts well spent.

For more info on overcoming jealousy, go to “Why Am I Jealous?”

Copyright 2009 Karen Wolff

On the other hand, God could decide to use something more subtle. Like a gentle rap on the side of head whenever we veer off the course. Yup, there’s a thought….God smacking people whenever they weren’t listening. I’m afraid we’d all be walking around pretty much in a daze from all that “activity”.

Hearing from God is a learned skill. Of course, you could be one of the lucky ones like Moses, who was walking up the mountain, minding his own business, when he stumbled onto the burning bush. Most of us don’t have those kinds of encounters so we find ourselves looking for ways to tell if we’re hearing from God.

How Can I Tell if I’m Really Hearing From God?

Here are some common ways God talks to us:

·  HIS WORD. In order to actually “hear” from God, we have to learn some things about God’s character. We have to develop an understanding of who God is, and the way He does things. Fortunately for us, all that info is available in the Bible. The book goes into a lot of detail about how we can expect God to react, what kinds of expectations He has for us, and most specifically, how He expects us to treat other people.

·  OTHER PEOPLE. Many times God will use other people to try to get through to us. It’s possible for God to use anyone at any time, but I find more messages coming from people who are practicing Christians than non-practicing ones.

·  OUR CIRCUMSTANCES. Sometimes the only way God can teach us something is to allow circumstances in our life to lead us THROUGH the very thing we need to discover. When we realize we’re hearing from God through the circumstances, we’re able to move another step forward.

·  THE STILL SMALL VOICE. Most of the time God uses a tiny voice inside us to let us know when we’re not on the right path. Some people call it “the voice of peace”. Whenever we’re contemplating something and we don’t have peace about it, it’s a very good idea to stop and carefully look at the options. There’s a reason we don’t feel peace about it.

·  THE ACTUAL VOICE. Sometimes we’re able to “hear” something in our spirit that sounds to us like an actual audible voice. Or all of a sudden, you just know you heard something from somewhere. Pay attention to those occasions because it’s very likely God trying to tell you something.

When God Talks…Shut Up and Listen

Let me give you an example. A few years ago I signed up to become a hospital visitor for my church. When I first saw the notice in our church bulletin, I immediately felt I should respond. But, I let it pass. Over the next couple of weeks, the thought occurred to me off and on so I said to myself, “If I see the notice in the bulletin this coming Sunday, I’ll sign up.”

Of course, it was in there. But this time when I saw it, there was no getting away from it. I finally had to say, “OK, OK God, I’m going!”

So there I was doing hospital visits for the first time. I was nervous, but I prayed A LOT before I went, and I was doing OK. On my way to my second hospital, I prayed again that God would use me to represent Him to all the sick people, giving comfort, etc.

Right in front of the hospital was a crosswalk with a traffic light. As I stood at the corner I kept praying, starting to cross, even though the light was red. I mean, I was in a hurry trying to get to all those sick people!

Right in the middle of the street I heard, “So you want to represent Me, and you can’t even make it across the street without breaking the law?”

I was so shocked by this, I said the most spiritual thing I could think of …. “Oops”.

God uses lots of things to talk to us. But actually hearing from God isn’t so much a matter of “IF” He’s talking, it’s whether we’re listening.

For more info on this topic, go to Hearing God’s Voice

Copyright 2009 Karen Wolff

Remember the old saying, “Do what I say, not what I do”?

We all want it. We all expect it. Yet, we want others to earn it from us. How is that supposed to work?

The truth is, God has an entire network of people in this world who He’s placed in positions of authority. I’m not just referring to our government leaders, but also to the leaders in our workplaces and in our families. Perhaps it’s time to take a look at just how God views authority and our lack of respect therof.

Coming under authority and showing respect isn’t easy. Nobody wants to be told what to do or how to do it. We criticize anybody that makes a decision that we don’t like. It’s not right. It’s not fair. It’s not good for me.

In our country we’ve taken our right to free speech to an unbelievable level. We openly criticize our leaders, our country, our values, and pretty much anything else that doesn’t line up with what we want. We don’t see anything wrong with complaining, whining, and showing disgust to anybody that will listen.

An open dialogue about how to solve issues is always a good thing. But some of have even categorized their poor behavior as their attempt at “open dialogue”. There is much to learn about how God views these kinds of situations.

When you are in relationship with God, He provides you with protection and favor. But as you belittle and criticize those who He’s placed in authority over you, that protection and favor is lifted from you. The bottom line is that God expects you to respect Him and His choices. He expects that you will respect the people He’s placed in authority over you. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with every one of their decisions, but it does mean you still need to show respect for the position, and by extension, the person who’s in the position.

Do you want to? Probably not. Would you rather REALLY tell them what you think about it? Yup. So how do you go about this seemingly impossible task? How do you submit to and show respect for the authority God’s placed over you when you don’t agree with them, AND have a good attitude while you’re doing it?

1. Start by reading and learning what God says about respecting authority. Find out just what He thinks and how much importance He places on your willingness and your attitude about it. When you discover that God will only give you authority over others when you show that you can come under authority yourself, perhaps things will look a little different to you.

2. Pray for those in authority over you. Ask God to guide them as they fulfill their tasks. Pray that their hearts would seek God as they make decisions. As God to show you how you can be a blessing to those in authority over you.

3. Set the example for the people around you. Show them what submitting to authority for the right reasons is supposed to look like. Don’t participate in back-biting, gossiping about, or criticizing your bosses or others in authority. There is nothing wrong with having constructive conversations, but there is a fine line between offering your opinion and becoming disrespectful.

4. Understand and know ahead of time that you are NOT going to like every decision. If you look at the responsibility and accountability that exists for your leaders, it should become clear that the scope of their authority affects more than just you and your circumstances. There are times when decisions will negatively impact you. But just remember that how you react to these times will determine how quickly God puts you in a position of authority over others.

There is no magic pill that can make you feel good about having to submit to authority. Any authority. But knowing that when you make the conscious effort to do what God says, regardless of how it feels, you are planting a wonderful seed that will produce a harvest in your life.

You can’t expect a harvest of blessings where people respect and honor you if you haven’t first planted the seeds. So as hard as it is, start planting!

Here’s a great resource that offers more help in this important area.

Copyright 2009 Karen Wolff

You read the books, you attend the seminars, you buy the tapes…..and things seem to go well for awhile. You feel better, your outlook is better, and you’re hopeful. That is…..until something happens that sends you reeling all over again.

It doesn’t even have to be a major, catastrophic event to send you back to the land of negative thinking. It can be something as simple as someone cutting you off in traffic or pushing ahead of you in the grocery checkout line. What gives those seemingly simple occurrences of every day life so much power to literally throw you into a tizzy all over again?

Negative attitudes come from negative thoughts that come from reactions to negative behavior….and around the cycle goes. And you must know that none of this negative stuff is coming from God. There is nothing negative about the way He thinks or acts.

This never ending cycle continues because the source is never addressed. You “try hard” to be positive, attempting to over-ride how you truly feel. It’s work pretending to be positive when inside you know all too well that it won’t take long and one of those annoying life issues is going to creep up and dump all over your positive attitude.

So how do you put a stop to all this nonsense? How do you get to a place where your positive attitude is what’s natural for you and not the other way around?

I wish I could give you a magic formula that, when applied correctly, would erase your negative attitude in 3 days. Yup, can’t you just see the infomercial on a product like that? For just $19.95 you can have all your dreams come true. What a bargain! People would be lining up for this one.

But alas….the real world isn’t quite so simple. But the good news is that there are some things you can do to help you transition from the land of negativity to a much more positive place.

First, focus on what you’re thinking about. Remember when I said you seem stuck because you’ve never addressed the source of all of this? All your negative actions are coming from your negative thoughts. Your body goes right along with whatever your mind is telling it.

It is possible to control your thoughts, regardless of what you’ve been led to believe. As soon as a negative thought comes into your mind, purposefully make it a point to replace it with a positive one. At first, this may take some work, because chances are, you will probably have alot more negative thoughts in your head than positive ones. But eventually, that ratio will reverse itself.

Second, stop letting other people’s negative attitudes influence yours. This may mean you need to stop hanging around with people who do nothing but spout negative stuff. You can’t afford it when your goal is to become more positive. The negative people in your life aren’t going to like it when you will no longer participate. Just remember that birds of a feather really do flock together.

Third, make a list of all the areas in your life that you want to change. List all your negative attitudes too. If you can’t really think of things to put on your list, just ask your family. I’ll bet they’ll help you make it a REALLY LONG list.

Fourth, take the time to write strong, life-giving, positive affirmative statements. Make a commitment to read those statements out loud every day. Enjoy how great they make you feel. Know in your heart that you’re making progress, even if you can’t see it just yet. Just keep affirming the positive.

Lastly, take the time to pray about this. You can’t change by yourself. But you can spend time with the One who can help. You do what you can, and you let God do the rest. It really IS that simple.

This process will change how you think and that’s the real key to changing how you act. Remember…..your body will follow right behind your thoughts. There is no way to separate the two, so you might as well “program in” what you want instead of randomly leaving it to chance.

Just know that God’s version of right attitudes don’t contain anything negative. And if you want God’s best for your life, it starts with right thoughts…..His thoughts to be exact.

For more help go to Attitude Really Does Make a Difference

Copyright 2009 Karen Wolff

There are countless stories about the power of perseverance and the victory that comes through the pain. And I wish I could already be at the top of that mountain with my arms raised, looking down and marveling at the obstacles that I’ve overcome. But finding myself somewhere along the side of that mountain, still climbing, there has to be some merit in at least thinking I SEE the top!

We are the parents of a special needs young adult. Our daughter is 23 now, and the perseverance in her is truly something to marvel.

Amanda was born 3 months early, at 1 1b, 7 oz. This was our first child, and I was only 6 months along, so the thought that I could be going into labor at this early stage didn’t even occur to me. But after 3 days of labor we were the parents of this tiny little person that was about to change our world more than we could ever imagine.

As Amanda grew slowly, the medical problems began. I remember getting calls from the hospital telling us to come right away. I remember countless surgeries and infections, and then came the heart stopping prognosis from the doctors. They said Amanda would be legally blind, possibly deaf, and would likely have cerebral palsy. This was certainly not what we had planned and we had no clue about how to even deal with this kind of news.

When we finally took her home at a whopping 4 lb, 4 oz, I dressed her in cabbage patch clothes because they were the smallest clothes I could find. And yeah, she was cute.

About a month after she was home, we noticed that she was able to follow us with her eyes. The doctors couldn’t explain it because the part of her brain that controls her sight is gone. But she sees anyway. And she walks and hears normally too.

Of course, that’s not to say that Amanda hasn’t had her fair share of medical problems, learning roadblocks, and mental delays. But amidst all those things she’s been graced with two gifts.

The first is her heart to help others. She is an employers dream in that regard. She isn’t a leader but once she’s learned the task at hand she’ll work really hard helping those who are. She has a job doing customer service by bagging groceries in a grocery store. She always does the little extra things for people that she thinks are struggling. The elderly always look for Amanda because they know she’ll treat them special.

She’s always had a special place in her heart for people in wheel chairs. Since she was in grade school, she just naturally took a shine to them and she can always be seen pushing people in wheelchairs.

Amanda’s second gift is her ability to persevere. Because she’s different, she was teased and bullied in school. And I have to say it definitely took a toll on her self esteem. Of course we stepped in and helped all we could, but she just persevered and kept moving forward.

When our local college told her she wouldn’t be able to attend because she couldn’t meet the basic admission academic standards, she was heartbroken. But she wanted to get some kind of training, wherever she had to go. She attended a Job Corps facility in our state and even though she went through some VERY hard times there, she received her certificate in spite of them.

Amanda’s life dream is to become a nun, so living on her own is her first step. She recently moved out of our home because she wants to try living in her own apartment. She knows that she has more obstacles to overcome as she works toward her goal. Many communities won’t accept somebody with special needs so she’s determined to show them that she has lots of gifts to offer if they’ll just give her a chance.

Remember when I said I’m somewhere on the side of the mountain trying to see the top? It’s not easy to watch your special needs child struggle through life. I’ve felt every hurt, every disappointment, and even anger toward every person who has let our little girl down.

Having to pick up your child when they fall and keep them going is something every parent faces. But picking up a special needs child just to send them back out into a less than friendly world is the hardest thing we’ve ever done.

But Amanda’s desire to keep going, keep dreaming and keep pushing forward makes it seem less difficult somehow. She’s already doing more than anyone ever dreamed and we will be so excited when we can finally call her “Sister Amanda.”

Copyright 2009 Karen Wolff

This is the very scenario that makes the concept of sharing your faith so intimidating. Most people would like to help others, but knowing what to say and how to say it stops you in your tracks. So how do share your faith without making people run and hide from you?

People can spot a phony from a mile away. The absolute worst thing you can do is say one thing and do another. If you aren’t committed to applying Christian principles in your own life, you will not only be ineffective, but will be seen as insincere and phony. People aren’t as interested in what you say, as they are in seeing how it’s working in YOUR life.

Here are some practical things you can do where you don’t have to say much at all:

• One of the best ways to share your faith is to demonstrate the very things you believe by staying positive and having a good attitude even in the middle of a crisis in your own life. Remember the story in the Bible about Peter coming out onto the water when Jesus called to him? He kept walking above the water as long as he stayed focused on Jesus. But once he focused on the storm, he sank.  When the people around you see the peace in your life, especially when it seems like you’re surrounded by storms, you can bet they’ll want to know how to get what you got! On the other hand, if all they see is the top of your head as you sink into the water, there’s not a whole lot to ask.
• Treat people with respect and dignity, no matter the circumstances. Whenever you have the opportunity, show how you don’t change how you treat people, no matter what. Jesus treated people right, even when they mistreated Him. People around you will wonder how you’re able to show this kind of respect for others. You never know, they may even ask.
• Find ways to be a blessing to others. This not only plants amazing seeds for a harvest in your own life, it shows others that you’re not a phony. It shows that you live what you believe. Saying you’re a Christian is one thing, but living it in tangible ways every day is something else. The Word says “they’ll know them by their fruit.”
• Don’t compromise your beliefs. Situations happen every day where compromise is not only possible, but many times is expected. Show people that your Christianity means living a life of integrity. And oh yes, that means you tell the sales clerk when she undercharged you for that quart of milk!
• The ability to forgive quickly is a very powerful way to show how Christianity really works. Become a model of forgiveness. Nothing creates division, hostility, and turmoil more than an unwillingness to forgive the people who hurt you. Of course, there will be times when you are absolutely right. But being right doesn’t give you a free pass to punish, humiliate, or embarrass someone else. And it most certainly doesn’t eliminate your responsibility to forgive.

The best way to share your faith is be an example. People will want to know how you can be peaceful in the storm, why your kids are doing so well, why your marriage is so great, and how you know for sure about your purpose in life. And when they ask, you’ll have all kinds of great stuff to share.

Copyright 2009 Karen Wolff

Thanksgiving…..Christmas….they’re supposed to be happy and fun, you know…..almost Norman Rockwell like….. but somewhere along the way the stress, the unrealistic expectations, the unreasonable demands, and all that other negative stuff show ups and the next thing you know…..you’re depressed, over-tired, and dreading one more day during the so-called “holiday season”.

Amazingly enough, Christians seem to have the exact same issues as non-Christians. There is no apparent difference in the way they act or talk or handle the stress of the holidays. Or is there?

I could tell you that simplifying things to make it easier is a good idea, but then I’m pretty sure tipping over the Christmas tree, throwing out the lights, and using the family egg nog recipe as fireplace kindling wouldn’t count in the whole “simplifying” concept.

So how do you prioritize all that’s Christian about the holidays with all the other stuff that’s creeped in over the years? How do you satisfy your family and friends, and still be able to keep your focus on what’s truly important?

Here are some things you can do that may help you start moving in the right direction:

Start planning NOW. Decide what is truly important and necessary as a family. Having Christian priorities means putting “all that’s Christian” at the top of the holiday list. This is a great time to teach your kids the difference between giving and receiving. When your kids see that your priorities are centered around truly celebrating the real purpose of the season, it will get easier and easier for them to be a Christian at Christmas too.  Now, let me clarify. Teaching your kids about giving and receiving doesn’t mean you can tell your kids to tell Aunt Martha they can’t “receive” her favorite fruitcake because it exceeds the airline weight requirement for the trip home, and that she should “give” it to the starving children in a foreign country.

Let other family and extended family members know well in advance of your holiday season plans. Explain that as a family, you’ve decided to change your focus to things that can make a difference for someone else. Perhaps that means there will be less gift giving amongst family members and more to needy families. Or perhaps it means you won’t be spending every available dollar on decorations and holiday parties, but rather on things that will make your family truly understand and appreciate the intent of the season. It is important to set the example for all those extended family members. You’ll be surprised how others will follow your lead…..they just need someone to show them the way.

As a family, evaluate all your scheduled holiday activities. Only participate in those that you can honestly say you’re attending because they bring you joy and contribute to your Christian holiday season. If, on the other hand, you’re dreading that party or that holiday event and only attend because you feel pressure to meet the expectations of other people, then perhaps it’s time to let people in on your change in direction. It may upset some people initially, but taking back control of your holidays won’t always make everyone else happy. Pleasing God and keeping your sanity have got to have the highest priority.

There will always be pressure from other people coming at you from all directions during the holidays. Being a Christian at Christmas means you have to fight your way through the noise to get to all that’s Christian about the season. The holiday season is a great opportunity to let others see you “walk the walk” and “talk the talk”. Saying you’re a Christian is one thing……..actually being one at Christmas….shows what you’re really made of.

Give other people a break. Putting pressure on others to meet your expectations puts a lot of unnecessary stress on them because they’re facing a lot of what you’re facing during the holidays. If people can’t make it to your holiday gathering, the world won’t stop turning. Cutting people some slack will go a long way toward doing what you can to help others reduce their holiday stress level.

As a family, discuss your financial status and make a commitment not to overspend. There is nothing Christian about getting into debt just to satisfy a lot of unreasonable demands and expectations. God always looks at motive, no matter what you do. Now is the time to re-evaluate what you’re spending, and why you’re spending it. It may not be easy to change your overspending holiday habits, but it’s better to take small steps than none at all.

Of course, gift giving can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. For example, in my family gift giving takes the form of an Olympic event. Having received belly-button lights which my brother helpfully described as “great for reading”, and slippers made from Kotex pads, and oh yes….let’s not forget the talking fish that was already moving under the wrapping paper before I even opened it…..well, let’s just say the attempts to out-give each other really do reach Olympic proportions.

I’m not really sure what God thinks about the motive in that scenario…..I’m just glad He has a sense of humor.

Being a “Christian at Christmas” has to be a deliberate, concentrated effort. The world continues to get more and more commercialized, so you can bet God will honor all your efforts to keep the focus where it should be. And you can also bet He’ll appreciate your efforts to set the right example for your family and friends.
Copyright 2008 Karen Wolff