I want to congratulate my friend and our CatholicMom.com contributor Elizabeth Ficocelli on the release of yet another wonderful new book!  Elizabeth’s latest is Bleeding Hands, Weeping Stone: True Stories of Divine Wonders, Miracles and Messages and it is being met with wonderful reviews. Here is some basic information on Bleeding Hands, Weeping Stone.

Product Description

Miracles are real! And the history of the Church, from ancient times to the modern day, is full of them. God in His mercy has not only given us the revealed truths of Scripture and Tradition, but in all times and places has exercised his power on earth in extraordinary ways: to teach, correct, warn, and inspire His people according to the needs of the age. In Bleeding Hands, Weeping Stone, popular Catholic author and speaker Elizabeth Ficocelli reveals history’s most magnificent miracles. Some of them are quiet and simple, some of them are dramatic bordering on outrageous but all of them are signs of God’s loving, providential hand at work in the world, continually inflaming our hearts to greater faith and more ardent love. In brisk, easy-to-read accounts, perfect for bedtime or the break room, Bleeding Hands, Weeping Stone relates the amazing (but true) stories of: -The woman who stole a Host from church and hid it at home, only to find that it had turned to real human flesh. -The apparition of the Blessed Virgin Mary that put an end to human sacrifice in Mexico and the miraculous image she left for us there. -The pious farm girl who prayed to share in Christ’s Passion, and received miraculous wounds on her head, hands, feet, and side. For twelve years until her death she lived on nothing but the Eucharist. -The arrogant knight who demanded the largest Host at Communion and was swallowed up by the stone floor of the church! (You can still see the holes today.) -Saints who could levitate, glow with inner light, or appear in two places at once, and whose bodies did not decompose even hundreds of years after death. -And many more miracles, from the obscure and near-forgotten to the most significant apparitions and prophecies of our faith. You’re sure to enjoy reading and sharing these stories of God’s miraculous workings in history. But Bleeding Hands, Weeping Stone does more than tell stories: it explains why God performs miracles, and what our disposition should be towards them. So let these pages deepen your faith in God’s ever-present love and care.

Bleeding Hands, Weeping Stone: True Stories of Divine Wonders, Miracles, and Messages, introduces its readers to phenomena such as

• Eucharistic Miracles
• The Stigmata
• Incorrupt Bodies
• Amazing Abilities of Saints
  • Apparitions
  • Weeping Statues and Icons

About the Author

A convert to the Catholic faith, Elizabeth Ficocelli has written copiously about the Catholic Faith for both young people and adults. She, her husband, and their four children currently reside in Ohio.

Reviews:

“Bleeding Hands, Weeping Stone is a fun read, as Ficocelli canvasses Christian history for weird, surprising, and hard-to-believe supernatural events, including bilocation, luminosity, levitation, the odor of sanctity, incorruption, and apparitions. The Church, and the faith of the people, grow through such heavenly works.” Brian Welter, Catholic San Francisco

“This book is very inspiring and a worthy teaching tool about the Catholic faith.”  Br. Benet Exton, O.S.B., St. Gregory’s University, Catholic Exchange.com

Order Bleeding Hands, Weeping Stone: True Stories of Divine Wonders, Miracles and Messages and support CatholicMom.com with your purchase.

In the early 1990’s, the clash of politics and religion disintegrated the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia into various warring factions. The brutal struggle between Muslim, Serbian Orthodox and Croatian Catholic caught the attention of the world. People lamented over televised bloodshed and destruction in Sarajevo, on the very same grounds where the Olympics, the international games of peace, were held just a decade earlier.

For millions around the globe, however, there was a vested interest in this conflict that had nothing to do with politics or media coverage. This war-torn, forsaken land, for believers of many nations, represented sacred ground. For in this very region exists the obscure hamlet of Medjugorje, an unlikely host to a supernatural event that surpasses any other in history: the daily visitation of the Blessed Virgin Mother for over two decades.

What exactly is Medjugorje?

The apparitions of Medjugorje began on June 24, 1981, when the Virgin Mary appeared to six Croatian children on a rural hillside. As in the apparitions of Fatima, Portugal, perhaps the most popular of all Marian apparitions, the Virgin comes with the self-proclaimed title, “Queen of Peace.” On occasion she appears escorted by angels. At other times, she carries the infant Jesus in her arms. Her signature sign, however, is the crown of twelve stars she wears around her head, much like the scriptural woman from the Book of Revelation.

Today, the six visionaries are adults. They live in Bosnia-Herzegovina, Italy and America, although all of them spend some time in Medjugorje each year. Interestingly, none of the visionaries have entered the religious life, as expected. Instead, all are married are raising children. Whether the seers have elected to lead a quiet, private life, or remain in the public eye, marriage and family is central to their spirituality.

What makes Medjugorje unique?

Marian apparitions are certainly not a new phenomenon. For centuries, the Virgin Mary has been reported to appear and speak to seers around the world, often in the most remote places. Reports of heavenly visitations in modern times, in fact, are occurring at an unprecedented rate. Yet, there is an importance to the Medjugorje phenomenon that merits special attention.

First, unlike “traditional” apparitions which typically occur for a very limited time, the number of visitations of the Virgin in Medjugorje have far exceeded any in history. The Mother of Jesus has literally appeared every day since 1981, entrusting her listeners with over 10,000 messages.

Second, the scope of the messages of Medjugorje is also extraordinary. They are specific and revealing, even incorporating a monthly message for the entire world since 1987. The Virgin affirmed her intentions in Medjugorje in the early years of the phenomenon:

“I wish to keep on giving you messages as it has never been in history, from the beginning of the world.” (4/4/85)

The messages of Medjugorje – a call to peace and conversion — seem to dovetail on previous apparitions. There is speculation that Medjugorje may be the fulfillment of earlier events. One thing is for certain: these apparitions are the only ones in history, which claim to be the last on earth, a third distinctive characteristic.

“I have come to call the world to conversion for the last time. Afterwards, I will not appear any more on this earth.” (5/2/82)

Why does the Virgin Mary come?

The Virgin comes, the visionaries report, to teach us how to achieve peace in our hearts, in our homes and in the world. Perhaps there has never been a more appropriate time than the present for the world to receive this heavenly instruction.

She comes, they say, to remind the world that God exists. She cautions that darkness reigns over the whole world. This, the Virgin tells us, is because we have turned away from God and have become distracted by the lures of materialism. We have become lukewarm in our faith and have forgotten the Bible.

Therefore, the Mother returns to earth each day, patiently, predictably, in the hopes of reconciling the world back to her Son. Her words of comfort and consolation, correction and guidance and, at times, desperation, have attracted the attention of many. Her words are simple and repetitive, making them temptingly easy to dismiss or underestimate. Few, she tells us, can comprehend the full intent of her words, and none can do so without prayer.

“You are not conscious of the messages which God is sending to you through me. He is giving you great graces, and you do not comprehend them. Pray to the Holy Spirit for enlightenment. If you only knew how great are the graces God is granting you, you would be praying without ceasing.” (11/8/84)

Spiritual Warfare

As a Mother who loves her children, the Blessed Virgin comes to call her people to holiness, to an abandonment of self for God. Equally important, she comes to warn us of danger and tell us how we can protect ourselves.

The urgency of Our Lady’s messages was clarified in the first year of the apparitions. The visionaries were told:

“A great struggle is about to unfold. A struggle between my Son and satan. Human souls are at stake.” (8/2/81)

For the next several years, the Virgin hinted of “a plan.” She asked for prayers for this plan, that it be carried out according to God’s will. Finally, in early 1987, she revealed the nature of this plan, in her first monthly message to the world:

“Dear children, I want you to comprehend that God has chosen each one of you, in order to use you in a great plan for the salvation of mankind.” (1/25/87)

This plan, Our Lady told the seers, cannot be carried out without the help of her children. To defeat satan in our lives and in the world, the Queen of Peace revealed five important spiritual weapons.

Five Weapons with which to Defeat satan

Our first defense, not surprisingly, is prayer. Prayer, promises the Virgin, can change the world. It is the only way to save the human race. “Pray!” is the most frequent message of Our Lady. In prayer, she says, the spirit is purified. Whether it is the Rosary, formal prayers, silent meditation or prayers of consecration, it is important that prayer not become a mere recitation of words. The Virgin calls us to pray with the heart, to pray with love.

The second weapon against the attacks of satan is the practice of fasting. The Bible, both Old and New Testaments, are filled with examples of abstaining from food for the purposes of penance and purification. The Virgin informs us that the importance, effectiveness and power of fasting have been all but forgotten, particularly in the past century.

“Fasting and prayer can stop wars and suspend the laws of nature.” (7/21/82)

While fasting can consist of giving up earthly pleasures such as alcohol, cigarettes or television, Our Lady tells us that the best fast is one of bread and water. She invites all people, except the sick, to fast on Wednesdays and Fridays. Through fasting, the body is purified, and the spirit is once again placed in control of the flesh.

The third weapon in our arsenal against darkness is daily scripture reading. The Virgin Mother encourages her children to display the Bible in a visible place in the home, to encourage us to read it everyday and apply it to our lives.

Fourth, the Virgin calls us to penance, to atone for our sins and those of the world. For Catholics, this means monthly Confession, with a focus on transforming ourselves to become closer to God. Again, this is a practice that has lost much of its significance in the world today. Monthly confession, Our Lady goes as far as saying, will be a remedy for the Church in the West.

Finally, the Queen of Peace calls Catholics to receive the Eucharist as often as possible. The Mass, she tells the faithful, is the most important and most holy moment in our lives. It should be our life. Mass is the greatest prayer of God, and we should prepare ourselves accordingly.

If the above five practices are our weapons against evil, our armor, instructs the Queen, must be love. Without love, she says, nothing is possible.

The Queen of Peace Comes to all People

Our Lady has made it clear that the apparitions and messages of Medjugorje are not limited to Catholics only. We are all her children, she tells us. Particularly when pressed by the Croatian visionaries about the oppression and persecution of the Serbian Orthodox and Muslims in their own country, Our Lady answered:

“It is you who are divided on earth. The Muslims and the Orthodox, for the same reason as Catholics, are equal before my Son and me. You are all my children. Certainly, all religions are not equal, but all men are equal before God, as St. Paul says.

Salvation is available to everyone, without exception. Only those who refuse God deliberately are condemned. It is God alone, in His infinite justice, who determines the degree of responsibility and prognoses judgement.” (1984)

Viewpoint of the Catholic Church

The apparitions of Medjugorje are the source of much discussion and controversy within the Catholic Church. According to Church law, an apparition falls under the category of “private revelation.” The faithful is not obliged to believe in or follow any particular apparition. Only the seer(s) may have obligation to heed the messages.

However, since prayerful meditation on approved apparitions has been shown to enhance one’s faith and lead a person into deeper relationship with God, the Church carefully scrutinizes reports of supernatural occurrences to test their legitimacy. This process involves an analysis of the visionaries, the documentation of miraculous cures and interventions, and an assessment of the overall fruits of the event.

Since Medjugorje is an ongoing phenomenon, the Church cannot make a formal decision at this time. It is significant, however, that these apparitions have lasted for 23 years and have not been condemned by the Church. While under the watchful eye of the Magisterium, the publicized messages continue to be true to the Gospel and not contradictory to the faith. The fruits appear sound, particularly the numerous spiritual conversions.

Our Lady has been questioned through the visionaries by those who wish to respond to the messages without being disobedient to the Church. She answers:

“One must follow the authority of the Church with certainty. Yet, before she expresses an opinion, it is necessary to advance spiritually, because she will not be able to express a judgement in a vacuum, but in a confirmation which presupposes growth of the child. First comes birth, followed by Baptism, then Confirmation. The Church comes to confirm him, who is born of God. We must walk and advance in the spiritual life, affected by these messages.” (1986)

Signs and Warnings

Like Fatima, the phenomenon of Medjugorje comes complete with prophesized signs and warnings. However, signs and warnings are not the crux of Medjugorje: conversion is. By the time these signs and warnings occur, it may be too late for that.

By placing too much emphasis on signs and warnings, the overall point of the apparitions can get neglected. Consider the people of Jesus’ time who grew impatient waiting for their Savior’s “imminent” second coming. In a similar fashion, many people who were “converted” through Medjugorje due to messages of future chastisements and supernatural phenomena have become lukewarm believers over time, returning to old habits and lifestyles. In short, conversion that is fear-based instead of love-based, or one that is motivated primarily by sensationalism, is at best difficult to sustain.

However, as the story would be incomplete without it, the following summarizes the prophesized events as these apparitions draw to a close.

Our Lady promised to confide 10 secrets regarding future events to each of the seers. As of this writing, three of the visionaries have received all ten secrets, and see the Virgin once a year. The remaining three visionaries have been given nine secrets each and continue to receive daily visitations.

Some of the secrets have to do with Medjugorje itself, while others seem to foretell of serious chastisements for the world. None of the visionaries are permitted to speak specifically about any of them.

“This century is under the power of the devil, but when the secrets confided to you come to pass, his power will be destroyed. Even now he is beginning to lose his power and has become aggressive. He is destroying marriages, creating division among priests and is responsible for obsessions and murder. You must protect yourselves against these things through fasting and prayers, especially community prayer.” (1982)

In addition to the ten secrets, there will also be three public warnings to the world, a final call to conversion and a definitive sign of the authenticity of the messages. One of the visionaries, Mirjana Dragicevic, was told by the Virgin to select a priest in which to entrust these warnings. Mirjana selected Father Petar Ljubicic. At the appropriate time, Mirjana is to give Father Petar a piece of parchment she received from the Lady herself. The writing on this parchment is not decipherable presently.

When Father Petar receives the parchment, he will be able to read the first warning. He is to fast for seven days, and then announce the warning to the world. Three days later, it will occur as prophesized. According to the schedule of Heaven, the next two warnings will be delivered in much the same way.

Following the warnings, the Virgin will leave a permanent and beautiful sign on Apparition Hill, at the place where she first appeared to the children in Medjugorje. The sign will be unchangeable and undeniable. However, at that point, it seems conversion will be too late.

“Be converted! It will be too late when the sign comes. Beforehand, several warnings will be given to the world. Hurry to be converted. I need your prayers and your penance.” (5/25/83)

A Time of Grace

This is, as the Virgin says, a time of grace and blessings, a gift from God. It is His words we are hearing, spoken through His mother. The earth is being renewed in holiness by these apparitions. The time for conversion, for prayer and an increase in holiness is now, not in the future. We must hear the messages and transform them into life today.

“Dear Children! God gives me this time as a gift to you, so that I may instruct and lead you on the path of salvation. You do not comprehend this grace, but soon a time will come when you will lament for these messages.” (8/25/97)

The visionaries assure us: the Queen of Peace wants each of us to be happy on earth and, eventually, with her in Heaven. She offers her wayward children the gentlest and most loving of invitations, so we will not be driven away. Painstakingly, she beckons, for an incredible period of more than twenty years. Will the world and respond to her divine plan for peace? Only Heaven knows.

“Dear children, when God calls men, it is really a great thing. Think about how it would be sad to let pass those opportunities that God allows without taking them. So do not wait for tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow. Say ‘yes’ to Jesus now! And may this ‘yes!’ be forever.” (5/16/87)

Published in Catholic Planet eMagazine, Posted January 2003

Copyright 2010 Elizabeth Ficocelli

“Some days are better than others,” I respond with a grin. Which is true. Some Sunday mornings are relatively uneventful, while others can be pretty darn trying. But, for the most part, our boys (ages ten, six, three and one-and-a-half) have learned appropriate church behavior without the use of snacks, sippy cups, crayons, books, routine trips to the potty and, usually, without much fuss.

Sound impossible? It’s not, really. As with any other parenting skill, it takes love, time, consistency and lots of patience. (A few prayers never hurt, either!) The following tips may help make your experience of taking little ones to church change from holy terror to just plain holy.

Before We Enter God’s House, We Prepare At Ours

Catholics are notorious for arriving at church just in time or, worse yet, slightly late. Few of us make the effort these days to prepare for what we are about to celebrate at Mass. When you have children, this preparation time is even more critical, yet all the more elusive. Our family’s church experience, therefore, begins long before we ever set foot inside the door.

We use time at home, perhaps over dinner or breakfast, to discuss proper church behavior. We review church etiquette: when to sit, stand or kneel. How to give the sign of peace. Why it is important to sing and pray with the church community. What the creed means. We discuss our family rules of conduct and why they may differ from those around us.

A fundamental rule in our family is absolutely no food or toys in church. This is the way it has always been, so our children expect nothing different. While we can control what we ourselves bring into the building, however, we have no say in what other families do. This is something most people seem not to think about when packing their picnic baskets-activity bags for church. While their intention is good (to keep their children quiet so they don’t bother others), the fact is that bringing food, toys and other items from home can be highly distracting to neighboring people, especially the young ones. In moments like these, we do our best to ignore the zipping and unzipping, the crinkling of candy wrappers and the dropping of toys and try to regain our children’s focus (and ours) on Mass instead.

If the idea of going to church without a survival kit is a little scary, think about it. The average Mass lasts 45 minutes. That is less than the running time of a typical children’s video. Forty-five minutes is not too long for a child to go without food or drink. (An infant, on the other hand, has legitimate needs and should be nursed, bottle-fed or given a pacifier as the need arises.)

Three-quarters-of-an-hour can also be survived without books or toys to occupy a child’s mind. Church itself should occupy his mind! I’ve been amazed and disappointed to hear toy cars whirring or hand-held electronic games beeping during the liturgy. Once I even saw a small boy walk into Mass with a full-sized basketball under his arm. What are we telling our children with this kind of permissive behavior? Certainly not that God deserves our undivided attention for less than one hour a week.

Think of the time and energy you can save by not having to pack those snacks and finding that favorite teddy bear before rushing out the door to make Mass. You can use this valuable time and energy on preparation instead.

As soon as our oldest son became a proficient reader, we had him begin reading the day’s scriptures during the drive to church. Currently, our 10- and 6-year-olds share this responsibility. Time permitting, we discuss what we’ve read and ask the children questions to test their understanding. The two younger ones have learned not to interrupt this time, but to listen quietly from their car seats. Since our 3-year-old chimes in from time to time, we know he’s grasping some of it. This scripture review is particularly beneficial for my husband and me, so we are not hearing the readings for the first time in Mass when the possibility for distraction exists

Before our family enters church, our 3-year-old, who is potty training, can have one more opportunity to use the facilities. The older ones have been encouraged to go at home. It is extremely rare for any of our children to leave Mass to use the bathroom. Unless it is a real emergency, we ask them to wait until Mass is over. Again, 45 minutes is not that long, and permitting children to go during this time can develop into an undesirable habit.

Let The Worship Begin

Another important rule our family has is one we borrowed from some friends who raised five wonderful children: until a child is 3 years old, he is a lap-sitter. His feet simply do not touch the ground. This rule prevents the child from climbing up and down or falling through the kneeler and banging his head against the pew, a maneuver usually accompanied by a blood-curdling scream. The child is held lovingly, but firmly, with no exceptions. If he puts up a struggle, he is promptly removed. We know from other situations that if we give in once, we’re in for a long battle.

Since this rule, like the others, is discussed at home ahead of time, our little ones come to accept it rather quickly. The toddler understands that with the advent of his third birthday, he will be entitled to his own seat in church. He has begun to look forward to it. But this privilege comes with some conditions. The child must sit, stand and kneel along with the congregation. If he begins to climb around or distract others, he becomes a lap-sitter for the remainder of Mass until the next time. This lesson is learned very quickly.

Where we sit at Mass often depends on the stage of our youngest child. Sometimes we find that sitting down in front gives our children a lot to see with fewer distractions. At other times, especially when we have a rather active one, the back of church makes for easier exits when necessary. Often, we find sitting near the choir or the organ is entertaining for little ears.

During the Mass, we try to hug or caress our children quietly. (This can be tricky at times, since there are two of us and four of them!) We address any undesirable behavior with a glance or a hand gesture, which our children understand completely because it was discussed during preparation time.

The older ones are encouraged to follow along in the missalette and find the upcoming song in the hymnal. We allow the younger ones to hold these same books unless they are being turned into chewing toys or hurling missiles. At that point, they are taken away.

My husband and I set the stage for how we feel worship should be. We sing joyfully, swaying to the music and bouncing slightly when holding little ones. We respond enthusiastically, carefully speaking the Creed or the Our Father into our child’s ear so he can hear every important word. We show reverence during the Consecration with a bow of our heads. In essence, we not only attend the Mass, we participate in it, through active worship, bringing up the gifts or serving as Eucharistic ministers. When they are of age, our boys will serve on the altar. All of this moves our family from spectator at Mass to active participant. This greatly reduces the likelihood of boredom.

When Behavior Problems In Church Brings You To Your Knees

Now, by this point, you may be thinking, “Lady, you just don’t know my kids!” If you’re under the assumption that we have four perfect little angels at Mass, let me assure you, that’s not at all the case. We have our fair share of fussy infants, whining toddlers and distracted grade school-age children. We’ve had to make plenty of quick exits down church aisles, and have paced endlessly back and forth across the back of the building to sooth someone to sleep. But despite these minor upsets, progress is always there. Children are fast learners. The key is consistency.

You have to be committed to taking a child out at the first moment he creates a disturbance. Do not let a child carry on and on. It’s not fair to the others around you. It also adds to the stress of both you and your child. Sometimes walking to the back of the church and remaining there is enough to settle a youngster. You have a little more freedom to rock and pace there as you see fit. Where possible, I may silently point to stained glass windows, stations of the cross or religious statues to pacify a tot.

If the child is not quieted in the back of the church, promptly exit. The focus here, however, must be to settle your child as quickly as possible in order to rejoin the worshipping community. This is not a time for the child to be given freedom to run around or to play. The child should be held lovingly but firmly until the tears are over. Once this is achieved, return to your seat. If another eruption occurs, repeat the process. Even if you have to do this exercise three or four times during the Mass, the behavior will not last for long – if you hold to your to guns and don’t give in. During this transitional time, sit toward the back of church so you distract fewer people and can reach the exit quickly.

The Cry Room: A Sadly Misunderstood Facility

The “cry room” seems to be a uniquely Catholic phenomenon. There is much controversy over this facility. Some people are sick and tired of Mass being interrupted by the emotional outbursts of small children. They’re more than happy to have these noisy culprits “under glass.” Others contend that children have a right to be in church and are insulted to use the cry room at all.

From what I’ve observed in various parishes, the cry room seems to be misunderstood and misused by many parishioners. Instead of serving as a temporary place to settle a child without distracting the congregation, it has become a playroom, a reading room and a convenient hang-out. I’ve seen some people treat this room as if they were at home, watching Mass on television. Many seem to forget that they are still attending Mass. If the adults are disconnected, their children are certainly isolated from what’s going on in church and are not being encouraged in any way to be a part of it.

To work most effectively, the cry room should only be used when absolutely necessary. It should be devoid of books, toys and food. Parents should hold their children at all times and return to Mass as soon as the child is quieted. People using this facility should be listening to and participating in the liturgy as if they were sitting in the pews. Be advised: excessive use of the cry room delays the process of teaching a child to behave at Mass.

When Mass Is Over, The Learning Doesn’t Have To Be

After Mass, we make it a point to compliment our children on good choices they made during church. If there was a problem with a child old enough to know better, we have him apologize to the people near us or to the priest for being distracting. This is done without a lot of fanfare to avoid humiliation but also to instill accountability.

On the drive home, we discuss what happened at Mass. How did God speak to us today? Did we learn something new? Was there something we didn’t understand? We talk about our own choices in church and how that may have affected those around us. Moreover, this is a good time to discuss things that distracted us during Mass and to reinforce why we have the rules we do.

Better Behavior And Beyond

One way or another, children must learn how to behave appropriately in a church environment. Our commitment to teaching this to our children from their infancy has enabled us to worship together as a family. We don’t have to “split shift” and go to separate Masses, leaving the little ones at home. We have elected not to send our children to children’s liturgy, since we are making the effort ourselves to explain things to them at their level. For us, it’s important to be together as a family and benefit from the graces we receive at Mass.

It’s never too late to try new strategies with your children for a better outcome at church. To be fair to those old enough to understand, you need to discuss ahead of time the new rules that are going to be in place, why they are going to be enforced and what the consequences are if these rules are not abided by. I can’t say it enough: be consistent!

For those who are single parents, I’ll be the first to admit that your job is harder. I’ve attended a number of Masses with my four boys when my husband was out of town. I take my two littlest ones to daily Mass routinely during the school year. There’s no question that with one adult, it’s harder — harder, but doable. It requires the same love and consistency and perhaps an extra dose of patience.

When people give us positive feedback about our children’s behavior at church, it is most rewarding and helps us to get through those moments that are somewhat less positive. Our goal for our children, however, goes beyond teaching them to behave appropriately at Mass. We want them to develop a joyful appreciation of it. We want them to be able – and eager – to listen for the unique message God may be giving them in word, song or prayer. And that cannot come from anything short of attendance and participation in Mass on a regular basis. We never cease to be amazed at what our children – even the little ones — grasp from their church experience. Their theology may be a little askew at times, but the spark of interest and enthusiasm is there.

Three weeks after a seminarian gave a homily at our parish, my ten-year-old off-handedly commented that something the young man said inspired him to think about the idea of becoming a priest one day. I’m not sure exactly which words of wisdom hit the mark, but I’m sure glad my son was at church and behaving appropriately to hear it.

Published in America, May 6, 2002, Reprinted with permission



Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Ficocelli

“But Halloween is a pagan holiday!” she exclaimed. “Our church frowns on things like that. We’re having a Harvest celebration.”

My conservative Catholic cohort was equally surprised. “I don’t understand this parish. Why don’t they call it a Fall Fling or at least require people to come dressed as the saints? It makes us Catholics look bad!”

Still other parents grumbled about the restrictions the parish school put on the annual Halloween costume parade. “I don’t see why Johnny can’t come dressed as Jason from Friday the 13th if he wants to!”

Confused at best, my husband and I passed on the parish Halloween party, much to our friends’ disappointment. Despite the protest of our boys for decorations of ghosts and black cats, our home was carefully adorned with scarecrows and smiling pumpkins. We even began to wonder if we should let the kids go trick-or-treating, although we were heartsick at the thought of disappointing them. And, for another year, a large black trunk remained locked in our basement, silently enshrining a collection of costumes and decorations from parties we had hosted many years ago. Before we were so confused about Halloween.

Finally, wanting some answers and wanting to be loyal to our faith, I decided to do some digging into what this bizarre holiday was all about and whether we as Catholics should have anything to do with it.

My research took me back to the ancient Celts who lived in the British Isles. Avid followers of nature and the cycles of life, the Celts observed that in late October plants died, animals disappeared (into hibernation), days grew shorter and nights grew longer. They attributed this death like state to Samhain, their god of the dead. They feared that Samhain would slay the sun god, leaving the world in total darkness and releasing fearful spirits to roam the earth and create mischief.

Therefore, every year from October 31 to November 1, the Celts would celebrate a feast to their god of the dead. They believed evil spirits could be pacified with edible treats or scared off with bonfires (or “bone” fires, kindled from the dried skeletons of sacrificed animals) set ablaze on outdoor altars. People would set out lanterns of carved turnips along with food to guide their family spirits and make them feel welcome. The head of each household would carry a burning coal from the bonfire and light a new fire in the home to further ward off evil spirits. During this journey, the person wore a wear mask and costume to fool the spirits.

Okay, I thought. That explains the tradition of Halloween costumes, pumpkins, and trick-or-treating. But what does this have to do with the Church?

Upon further investigation, I discovered that the early Church – after it had survived centuries of persecution by the pagan Roman Empire and become the official state religion – made deliberate efforts to announce its victory over paganism. This was primarily achieved by replacing pagan symbols, feasts and places of worship with Christian ones. In the same way that Christmas and Easter took the place of pagan feast days, October 31st and November 1st were also earmarked for Christian celebration.

In the ninth century, the Church officially designated November 1 as All Saints Day, a celebration commemorating all the saints. The night before became known as All Hallows Evening (or Hallowe’en for short), a holy vigil to draw attention to the following day.

Over time, different cultures added to the evolution of Halloween. Medieval beggars knocked on doors for “soul cakes” in exchange for prayers for the household’s deceased members. Costumes became a way for people to participate in pageant form in the story of life, death and that which may happen in the hereafter. Brought to this country by Irish and English immigrants, Halloween eventually lost its religious significance for most people, becoming a purely secular event.

Armed with this information, I now saw the value in reclaiming Halloween as the holy celebration it was intended to be. I realized that it was OK – even important – to recognize that the devil, demons and evil do exist. It was our responsibility as Catholics to teach our children what life and death are really all about and why it is so necessary to pray for our brothers and sisters in Christ who are no longer with us.

My husband and I began by giving an accurate account of the holiday to our children before the excitement of collecting bags of candy all but obsessed them. I’m not sure they totally understood everything we told them, but we plan to make education a part of our annual Halloween celebration.

In my quest to learn more about the fascinating history of Halloween, I discovered some excellent opportunities for evangelization, a task Pope John Paul II has urged us all to do.

Here are a few examples:

* Instead of following commercial trends in terms of costumes, try dressing your children as saints or characters from the Bible.
* Hand out correct information on the history of Halloween along with your candy treats.
* Put religious stickers on treat bags.
* Initiate a three day celebration of life, death and eternity in your parish with Masses and memorial services.
* Celebrate with a traditional parish Halloween party.

I even heard of one family who exchanged thank-you notes for the treats they received, wishing the candy givers a happy All Saints’ Day and promising to pray for their deceased family members.

As for me? I decided to write about it.

Enjoy Halloween with its history and traditions now that its truth has been unmasked.



Published in Liguorian, October 2000

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Ficocelli

Leaning over, I picked up the book I had just finished reading, “Story of a Soul,” the autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux. I gazed at the sweet, smiling face of the “Little Flower” on the cover and couldn’t help but smile back. “Ironic,” I thought. “I was in second grade myself when you first made yourself known to me.”

I closed my eyes and could see it clearly: a small simple medal with that same face smiling up at me from the sidewalk as I was walking to school. Not being Catholic at the time, I assumed the image must be that of Mary. “Probably some lost Holy Communion present,” my mother mused, studying it that afternoon. “I doubt it’s very valuable. But you may keep it if you like.”

So I tucked the little medal inside my jewelry box, fascinated but puzzled by the inscription on the back, “After my death I will let fall a shower of roses.” It wasn’t until I was an adult convert that I correctly identified St. Therese’s image and discovered how much she has intervened in my life.

“Mom?”

My son’s voice brought my thoughts back to the present.

“I’m sorry, Michael. I was just thinking about St. Therese of Lisieux. She’s a very special saint who I think has been keeping an eye on me since I was your age. Would you like me to tell you about her?”

“I guess.” His response was about as enthusiastic as if I had asked him choose between Brussel sprouts or lima beans for dinner.

Undaunted, I told my son about St. Therese’s short life as a Carmelite nun and how her obedience, humility and generosity. I spoke of her tremendous love for Jesus and I tried to describe her “little way” to holiness that earned her not only sainthood but the title Doctor of the Church.

My son was starting to fidget.

“You know,” I continued. St. Therese said something very interesting before she died.”

“Oh yeah? What was that?”

“She said that after her death she would let fall a shower of roses.”

The fidgeting stopped. “What?”

“Her nickname is the ‘Little Flower’,” I explained. “A lot of people pray for St. Therese’s intercession when they have a special need, and she has been known to confirm requests with a flower. It happened to me.”

“It did?” Now I had his attention. Michael sat down next to me and took the book from my hands.

I proceeded to describe an experience that happened to me the year before. While on retreat, I was plagued with a burning question: was my mother in heaven? On the last day, I prayed to St. Therese about this and gathered up the nerve to ask for the affirmation of a red rose. Almost immediately, a little red bird landed in the tree outside of my window and began to sign. “Is this my sign?” I wondered. A moment later, a young seminarian strolled by donned in a bright red sweater. “Or this?” I puzzled. Even the sun seemed to have a reddish glow about it. “Now I’m seeing things,” I laughed to myself and got up to go to the closing Mass.

After a beautiful worship service, I joined the other retreatants in the dining hall for our final meal together. On each plate was a folded prayer card with the picture of St. Therese of Lisieux on the cover. With trembling hands, I opened the card, and out fell a silk red rose. Since then, I’ve had no more questions about the whereabouts of my mother – or St. Therese, for that matter.

“Can I do that?” my son asked, incredulously. “Can I ask St. Therese something and have her answer me with a flower?”

“Sure,” I answered. “What do you want to know?”

“I want to know if Mrs. Reed is in heaven.” His answer came so fast it surprised me. I was touched at the concern Michael still had for the beloved neighbor and surrogate grandmother he had lost a year earlier.

“Ok,” I smiled, “go ahead.”

Michael suddenly became very shy. “Can you do it with me?” he asked sheepishly.

I laughed and pulled him close. “All right,” I said, becoming more serious. “St. Therese, Michael would like to ask your intercession on something. He wants to know if our neighbor, Mrs. Reed, is in heaven yet. Amen.”

“You forgot the part about the flower,” Michael insisted.

“Oh, yes. My son would also like to ask you to send him a flower in response.”

“So, where is it?” demanded Michael, half seriously.

“You have to give it time,” I replied. “And let St. Therese do her work.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Two mornings later, when our conversation about St. Therese had long been forgotten by me in the hustle and bustle of busy family life, I was alarmed by the insistent yelling of my son.

“Mom? Mom!!!” It was coming from the kitchen. I practically flew downstairs, recognizing the tone in his voice that said, “This is really important!”

“Mom!” he said, triumphantly when I arrived out of breath. “My prayer has been answered! I got my flower! I got my flower! Mrs. Reed is in heaven!”

Dumbfounded, I followed the direction of his pointed finger. There, on the kitchen table, in a vase, stood a single yellow rose.

My mouth hung open – then, it all became clear to me. Our weekly Scripture group had gathered here the night before. As usual, Mr. Reed had brought a flower with him to represent the presence of his wife. He often brought a yellow rose – her favorite – and this particular one was cut from a rose bush we had planted in his wife’s honor. In cleaning up after our meeting, I realized that Mr. Reed had accidentally left his flower behind. I was going to run it across the street last night, but I decided it was too late and I could do it in the morning. I placed the flower on the kitchen table and went to bed, never giving it another thought.

For Michael, none of this was important. The only thing that mattered was this simple yellow rose, specially delivered to him by a heavenly messenger who cared.

“Yes,” I answered, choking back my emotion. “St. Therese certainly has answered your prayer. Not only did she send you a flower, she sent you one from Mrs. Reed’s rose bush! What better sign could you get that Mrs. Reed is in heaven?”

As we hugged, I felt the familiar rush of warm energy as I soaked in the wonder of divine intervention. But the real miracle for me was seeing my son so easily accept it all. I know his life will be greatly enriched by believing confidently in the intercession of saints. And his class presentation on St. Therese won’t be so bad, either.

Published in Catholic Parent, January/February 2000

As parents, we have both the responsibility and the blessing of helping our children understand and appreciate this sacrament. What we do with it can greatly affect our child’s spiritual welfare.

The first thing we need to do in the role of parent/educator is to look at our own understanding of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Just what do we personally believe about confession? Do we see it as an intimate interaction with Jesus Christ himself, or do we see it as an embarrassing talk with a man behind a grill? Do we search our hearts and make a contrite confession of sins with a deep desire to change our lives, or do we rattle off the same old litany of offenses? Do we go to reconciliation out of love or obligation? Do we even go?

Our attitudes and actions regarding confession are important indicators as to how our children will perceive this sacrament. It can be helpful to seek out materials that teach about reconciliation and study them from an adult perspective. Then, we need to return to the sacrament ourselves and discover how healthy and freeing it can be.

Many parents mistakenly prepare their child for first reconciliation as if it were a one-time event. This is the wrong approach. Just as we anticipate our children receiving Eucharist regularly once they’ve made their first Communion, we should have the same expectation with confession. It should be an ongoing part of our spiritual development, an important source of grace, nourishment, and growth as we face the inevitable trials and temptations of life.

Let’s look honestly at the subject of forgiveness, which is what reconciliation is all about – receiving God’s freely given mercy and compassion. What have our children learned about forgiveness in our own families? Do they live in an environment in which they feel comfortable admitting when they make bad choices? Are they taught that telling the truth is paramount and that lying about a bad choice is always worse than the bad choice itself? Are they recognized and rewarded for telling the truth, perhaps with lesser consequences? Are they encouraged to ask for forgiveness, and is it given to them mercifully and unconditionally? Are they taught to forgive themselves and others? Do we, as parents, admit our own wrongs and seek forgiveness from our children?

When children are raised with an awareness that everyone, including Mom and Dad, make bad choices, when they are made accountable for their actions with calm, firm and consistent discipline, and when they experience genuine forgiveness and healing between family members, they will be more apt to approach the Sacrament of Reconciliation with confidence, courage, and even longing. For these children, it’s a natural transition.

Talk to your child often about his or her understanding of penance and answer questions and concerns as they arise. If you don’t know the answer, find a teacher or a priest who can help. Together with your child, choose a priest who can make the experience all the more special, and be sure to make the day a celebration – because it is!

When we exhibit the same energy and enthusiasm about first reconciliation that we do for first communion, we are doubly blessed. My husband and I use the following example with our own children. If we learned that Our Lord and Savior were coming to our home for a visit this afternoon, wouldn’t we first of all want to be there? Wouldn’t we give some thought as to how we are dressed? Perhaps straighten up the house a bit and even prepare a little snack in welcome? After all, we would do at least this much if we knew a friend or relative was dropping by. In a similar way, the Sacrament of Reconciliation is the perfect preparation to cleanse and heal us spiritually, making our hearts and souls all the more ready to welcome the most special guest of all: Jesus Christ.

Published in Catholic Parent, March/April 2005 – reprinted with permission
Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Ficocelli

Planting the Seeds

Whether tending the landscape around our home or planting a flower or vegetable garden from scratch, attending to the earth provides fertile ground for conversation about our faith. Starting plants from seed? Use the parable of the mustard seed in Scripture (see Mt 13:31-32) — a tiny spec — that grows into an enormous bush, just as our faith flourishes when we place our trust in God.

Or try the parable of the seed that is sown in the busy path, the rocky ground, the patch of thorns and the rich soil (see Lk 8:4-15). Which one takes root and why? Discuss how we must prepare our hearts and minds to hear the Word of God and follow it. Point out how plants require tender loving care to grow strong and healthy, as does our faith life. We can nourish ourselves spiritually with Scripture reading, prayer and exposure to good things.

Having a problem with weeds? That’s the reality of gardening and life. Fortunately, as Catholics, the gift of reconciliation helps us eliminate problems in our lives that may be blocking our relationship with God and with others. If the garden is neglected, it will show. The same applies to a person’s faith.

Praise God today for the beauty and wonder of His plants and flowers and for the weather He blesses us with to enjoy the good gifts of the earth. Also, point out how fun it is to eat what you grew (God’s goodness).

Putting Faith on the Menu

What would summertime be without a picnic at the park? A family meal around a wooden picnic bench sets the perfect table for a discussion about the Last Supper, the meal Jesus shared with His apostles that would change history forever. Breaking bread together, whether it is PB&J, hotdogs or chicken legs, families become bonded in a special way.

Eating a meal in the outdoors reminds us of the Israelites in the dessert of the first Passover meal, when they had to be prepared to eat on the go.

During picnics enjoy one another’s company and praise God for the shade of the trees, the song of the birds and the breeze that helps kites fly. And, as you clean up, talk about appreciating God’s creation by being good stewards of the land so that others in future generations can enjoy the same pleasures.

Fishing: A Perfect Hook

The next time your family casts a line into a babbling brook, off the side of a boat or into the waves at the seashore, reel them in by drawing parallels between fishing and faith. After all, many of Jesus’ closest friends were fishers by trade. Jesus told His apostles that they would be fishers of men. Many great conversations took place between Jesus and His disciples while fishing or over a fish meal on the beach, some recorded in the Bible, some not. You can do the same. Fishing is a great opportunity for the participants to have no-pressure conversations.

Many of the miracles Jesus performed happened near or on the water — walking on water, the multiplication of the loaves and the fishes, the apostles pulling in a net overflowing with fish after a long day of catching nothing at all. With God, all things are possible!

Fishing is a sport that requires patience and persistence in order to be successful. These are important virtues for life as well. It also requires quietness and stillness, the very same posture need to place ourselves before the Lord.

Creative Camping

Perhaps no other summer family activity brings us closer to God’s creation than camping, in which we eat, play and sleep in the great outdoors. While pitching tents, think about the people in the Old Testament who spent their lives in canvas abodes and appreciate more fully our less-nomadic lifestyle. This is an opportunity to help one another and to appreciate both giving and receiving.

During hikes through hilly forests observe God’s handiwork everywhere, from the smallest ant to the largest redwood tree, and marvel at how all of life sustains itself perfectly, thanks to the Master.

Building a campfire can evoke stories of Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit, in the form of tongues of fire, descended upon the apostles’ heads and they became “on fire” for the Lord. Is our family on fire for the Lord? If not, how can it be?

Gazing upon the stars, recall how God promised Abraham that his descendents would be as numerous as the stars in the sky. And, finally, snuggling in sleeping bags, remember how the Son of Man had no place to lay His head. How many people are sleeping tonight without a pillow and blanket? Remember them?

Summer family activities are chock-full of potential insights relevant to our Catholic spirituality — if we look at them through the eyes of faith — and can lead to lifelong memories. How many creative ideas can you and your family think of?

Published in Take Out, Family Faith on the Go (OSV), Summer 2007

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Ficocelli

My four sons take a momentary break from their animated debate over which Lego Bionicle® has the most awesome power. They look at me with quizzical and somewhat worried expressions. I know what they’re thinking: Mom hasn’t been quite the same since she’s returned from her retreat to the Trappist monastery.

Quest for Quiet

I’ll admit, it has been taking me some time to adjust. Going from busy, bustling, boisterousness to silence, solitude, and sanity — and then back again — has not left me unaffected. It was the promise of four peaceful days of prayer and contemplation that lured me to the Abbey of Gethsemani in the first place.

Intrigued, I packed my journal, Bible, and prayer book, kissed my family, and drove south to Kentucky to join several other women retreatants. I suppose they were there for the very same reason.

Of course, I’ll never know for certain what brought these women to Gethsemani that week because I never actually spoke to any of them. There’s no talking on this type of retreat, except in a few designated areas for those who simply can’t resist a little conversation.

That wasn’t a temptation for me, however. I was on a quest for quiet. I once told my pastor that if I weren’t married and raising four boys, I might seriously consider the monastic life. He just smiled and told me I needed to find a little more alone time.

At Gethsemani, I found that time. Situated in the sprawling hills of the Kentucky countryside near Bardstown, Gethsemani is a place removed from the world, though not untouched by it. For over 150 years, the doors of this restful sanctuary have been open to visitors from the outside.

The Trappists are a reform within the Cistercian Order, nicknamed for the area of France they originally inhabited called La Trappe. Visitors at Gethsemani are a sign of Christ and, therefore, always welcome. This rare and gracious hospitality allows thousands of pilgrims each year from different faiths and backgrounds to experience a taste of the monastic life and the benefit of time alone with God.

Out of Control

I arrived at the monastery three hours later than planned due to car trouble and a wrong turn, my first indication that I would not be in control of this retreat. I was relieved, therefore, to see the church spire rising above the tree line, signaling I had finally arrived.

As I surveyed the grounds and parked my car, I looked around with some nervousness and excitement to see if I could catch a glimpse of one of the hooded monks that I had seen on the web site. To my surprise and delight, two of them were stationed at the front desk to greet me. For an awkward moment, I wasn’t sure if I needed to act out who I was and why I was there so that I wouldn’t betray the silence. But their hushed voices and shy smiles let me know it was permissible to speak in this part of the building.

The room they provided me in the retreat house was ample, with a bed, desk, and private bath. When I settled in and looked over the daily schedule of prayer, meals, and retreat talks, I saw that I had some free time. After reading a little background about the monastery, I decided to take advantage of the sunny spring afternoon and walk the grounds.

The landscape enveloping Gethsemani is beautiful, despite the fact that most of nature was still in hibernation during my visit. The monks own 2,000 acres of land in Kentucky, rolling hills that once played host to herds of sheep and cattle. The animals are no longer there. Gone also are the acres of vegetable gardens that once fed the monks their modest meals.

Today, the cloistered men work indoors, due to their smaller number and aging membership. A mail-order business is now the primary source of income for this religious community, which has become world renowned for its homemade cheese, fudge, and fruitcake. This productive little business enables the monks to continue to live by the labor of their hands as the apostles and early Christians once did.

Prayer is Central

While work in the manufacturing facility or retreat house is an important and necessary part of community life, the central aspect of Trappist existence is prayer. In addition to Mass, Trappists pray, as it declares in the Psalms, seven times a day.

They pray the Liturgy of the Hours, the ancient prayer of the Church, in which all 150 psalms are chanted over a four-week period. As our retreat master would explain, “The psalms are God’s words given to us so that we can give them back to God. They contain every possible human emotion and fulfill the four purposes of prayer: to adore God, to thank him, to seek forgiveness, and to ask for his help and guidance.”

Therefore, each day, in a tradition that dates back 1,600 years, the Hours are prayed at 3:15 a.m. (Vigils), 5:45 a.m. (Lauds and Mass), 7:30 a.m. (Terce), 12:15 p.m. (Sext), 2:15 p.m. (None), 5:30 p.m. (vespers) and 7:30 p.m. (Compline).

My first opportunity to join the monks in prayer was at vespers. At the sound of the church bells, several other visitors and I silently took seats at the rear of the church in a glass-enclosed foyer.

Since I was on a women’s retreat, I was rather surprised to find myself among women, men, and even a few children. It was explained to me later that some of the men attending the Hours were considering the monastic life. Other individuals were family members of the monks or simply the general public.

Together, we watched as Trappists entered the sanctuary one by one and took their designated places in opposing choir stalls. Following along in a book provided, I did my best to join the monks as they chanted the psalms antiphonally (one side chanting the first line and the opposite side chanting the next.) At first it was a bit awkward to find the right page, learn the tune, and remember when to bow, but this came more naturally as the retreat progressed.

After prayer it was time for dinner. The Trappists are strict vegetarians. Our meals were simple but satisfying.

In the dining hall, some thought-provoking tapes by Father Richard Rohr were played for our meditation. I found his thoughts about retreats particularly challenging. He stated that many people go on retreats regularly, almost like a vacation, yet they remain unchanged interiorly — they don’t do anything with their retreat experience. Retreats, he admonished, should cause us to grow and empower us to effect change around us. These were certainly words to consider.

Monastic Life

After dinner that first night, Father Anton, the retreat master, welcomed us with a talk and a video about the monastic life. We learned that the spiritual journey of a monk begins when a man responds to the call of Jesus and signs on as a postulant. For a six-month trial period, he lives the full monastic life while still wearing street clothes. His clothing changes with his level of commitment: a white habit as a novice; a black scapular and leather belt after making simple vows; and the cowl or hooded, long-sleeved robe once he makes his solemn profession.

The process of making a permanent commitment to the Trappist life can take five to nine years, with the community supporting him at each stage of the discernment process.

Trappist monks make vows of obedience, poverty, and chastity. But, contrary to popular belief, they do not make a vow of silence. Talking is sometimes required in work, in receiving visitors or in spiritual counsel.

Generally, however, an atmosphere of silence is maintained to foster a state of continual prayer. When not praying or working, the Trappist monk spends time in study of the Scriptures or other spiritual reading. The purpose of the structure and communal living at Gethsemani is to provide an atmosphere in which a man can discover Christ in himself and in others, with an ultimate goal of transformation into and union with Christ. It is a life of simplicity, service, and love.

Mesmerized by Merton

Stormy weather kept me inside more than I had anticipated during my retreat, so I tried to follow the monk’s example by doing some spiritual reading. Shortly after I arrived, I felt compelled to read the autobiography of perhaps the most famous Trappist of all, Thomas Merton. I had not intended to do much reading during these precious few days, but the inspiration would not cease. So I picked up a copy of The Seven Storey Mountain in the gift shop, and it became my devotional reading for the weekend.

Much of this spiritual classic focuses on Merton’s life growing up without faith or purpose, and his disillusionment with things of the world. It follows his gradual discovery of God and the Catholic Church and climaxes with his entry into the Abbey of Gethsemani, which he called “the four walls of my new freedom.”

Not knowing a great deal about Merton before reading his autobiography, I found many of his earlier experiences strangely familiar. I, too, was raised in a family without strong religious conviction and had similar anti-Catholic sentiments passed on to me by well-meaning but misinformed parents.

I also lived in New York and was lured by the things of the world instead of things of the spirit. In addition, I shared Merton’s intense passion for reading and writing. Most of all, I could relate well to the experience of being plucked by God from a most unlikely situation in life and redirected to do his good work.

Silence Echoes in Soul

Between afternoon storms, I took a slow walk on a path that meandered through the woods, periodically stopping at various statues along the way. Each provided a quiet place for reflection, but most impressive to me was the statue portraying Jesus during the agony in the garden.

The Savior is portrayed on his knees, with his hands covering his upturned face. His despair is overwhelming, and I was quite moved to stumble upon it unexpectedly. The sculpture was a poignant reminder to me of what I have done in my own life to contribute to Our Lord’s agony. I stayed there for a long while in prayer.

As the second day passed, I found myself more in the rhythm of the retreat. I learned to take a quick cat nap here or there to keep me refreshed and prepared for rising in the middle of the night to pray. Except for perhaps one or two times when I slept through my alarm, I was able to be present for all of the Hours as well as the 4:00 a.m. Mass that was celebrated by Father Matthew Kelty. This 90-year-old monk began his life at Gethsemani as a novice under Thomas Merton. His evening reflections provided tremendous food for thought.

I decided that of all the Hours, my personal favorite was vigils, as difficult as it was to rise for the 3:15 a.m. prayer. At vigils, the entire church is completely dark except for a small light at the pulpit where a monk solemnly proclaims the Scriptures. The silence between the readings allowed the words to echo deeply in my soul.

Missing Noise

By the third day, as I was finally acclimating to the routine of monastic life, I also found myself beginning to miss my family and my schedule. As blissful as this place of prayer was, I was still an outsider here, among strangers, and it made me feel somewhat lonely. I realized I hadn’t really escaped routine – I had merely adopted another. Gazing at the picture of my boys that I had stuck between the pages of my journal, I found I missed their little voices. I missed their noise.

That afternoon I made the Stations of the Cross, using a meditation of female saints that I had found in the library in the retreat house. The quotes were inspiring and challenging. I felt close to these great women of Christian history and proud to be a woman. In particular, I felt honored to be a wife and a mother.

For the rest of that day, in between prayers and meals, I finished Merton’s book. As I was reading the final pages, I could almost hear the tapping of the author’s typewriter escaping from one of the rooms overlooking the monastic garden.

I tried to visualize what the Trappist community was like in the glory days after World War II, when a surge of vocations filled the building to capacity with 270 men. There were so many, in fact, that the overflow was sent to establish new abbeys throughout the country.

I closed my eyes and imagined what the worship must have been like — the church resounding with young male voices, singing the ancient verses in Latin.

Liberating Limitations

With Vatican II came changes to religious life, even in the remote hills of Kentucky. For the Trappists, there were renovations in customs, lifestyle, and physical surroundings.

Today, the psalms are sung in English from modern-looking choir stalls that are filled to only one-third of their capacity. The average age of a Trappist monk is considerably older than in Merton’s time. In some ways, the empty seats and graying heads made me a feel bit discouraged.

Despite this, I could not deny that there was still something special here at the Abbey of Gethsemani: something timeless, something peaceful, something holy.

It was impossible not to be profoundly touched by these special disciples who committed so earnestly to maintaining this tradition of prayer. We owe much gratitude to communities like these around the world where men and women are called to a state of perpetual focus on God because their prayers and sacrifices are made on our behalf.

The apparent limitations and monotony in the life of a monastic can seem harsh and undesirable. Some people may accuse the monk of running away from reality or wasting his life in such an obscure existence. But the kind of person who comes to a monastery and stays is a person not running from something, but to something.

In terms of exterior things, he has finished his search; he is ready to begin a new interior search. This does not mean that he is exempt from the challenges of sin, disillusionment or distraction that all of us face in our own lives. He has simply found his home and his vocation.

When I pondered this thought, I realized that the monk is not all that different from me. As I live out God’s plan as a married person with children, I too am faced with limitations, structure, and responsibilities. In the end, though, I have discovered that these confinements are actually liberating and necessary for my spiritual growth and they are what will ultimately lead me to true joy and fulfillment.

Bringing Peacefulness Home

That evening, I climbed a nearby hill and watched the sun set over the Kentucky countryside. I felt a mixture of sadness and gladness that my retreat was coming to an end.

I had found a peaceful refuge in Gethsemani. It was not my home, but a quiet place that spoke loudly to me of the importance of bringing some of this peacefulness back to my true home and vocation as wife and mother.

On the last day of my retreat, I reflected on all that I had experienced at the monastery. I spent a few minutes alone in the empty church, gazing down at the choir stalls from a loft in the back of the building.

I took one last look at the white-washed brick walls, the high ceilings with the original beams of wood, and the simple altar. I longed for the world to know about this place, about the men who lived here and prayed for us daily.

A thought occurred to me as I sat in melancholy silence. Perhaps I could use the image of empty choir seats and aging monks as a reminder of my own limited spirituality. Yes, I have God in my life and I strive to know him, love him, and serve him. Still, am I only a shadow of my potential, of what God has planned for me?

What do I need to do to make my “house of prayer” more vibrant and alive? I packed my bags, pondering that reflection.

I have returned to the world to which God has called me: a world of soccer cleats, bug jars, laundry, dishes, and unfinished manuscripts — and all the subsequent noise that comes with it. I think often about the monks at the Abbey of Gethsemani. They have taught me a great deal about the value of finding quiet time in my own busy day to praise God.

Whenever I look at the clock, I remember when they are in prayer, at work or asleep. I pray for these special men and their gift to the world. And I petition for those choir stalls to be filled once again to capacity, echoing with the sound of young voices singing the eternal verses: “Praise the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit. Both now and forever. The God who is, who was, and is to come at the end of the ages…”

Published in St. Anthony Messenger, October 2005

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Ficocelli

He has Chosen the Lowly

The first obstacle to the apparitions at Lourdes could well have been the story’s protagonist: Bernadette Soubirous, a poor and sickly and uneducated fourteen-year-old girl. But Bernadette’s purity of heart enabled her to receive unconditionally what was revealed to her. Her steadfast faith made her determined to remain true to the special mission entrusted to her, despite the ridicule and cruelty of unbelievers and hostile reactions from police and clergy. As word of the apparitions spread, crowds began to mob the small Lourdes grotto. Though few words were spoken, the messages were rich in meaning.

Bernadette accepted without hesitation the beautiful lady’s invitation to come to the grotto for fifteen days, although she knew neither the name of her mysterious new friend nor the purpose of these visits. She was told she would not find happiness in this world, but in the “other” – a prophetic reference to the difficult but rewarding path to sanctity that lie ahead. In time, the apparitions took on a somber tone as the lady lamented over the sins of God’s people. Witnesses saw the great sorrow in Bernadette’s face as she gazed up at the niche in the grotto where the lady appeared. “Penance! Penance! Penance! Pray to God for the conversion of sinners,” the lady pleaded. And Bernadette firmly resolved to make this her life’s mission.

At the lady’s instruction, Bernadette crawled about on the filthy grotto floor and kissed it in penance for sinners. She ate wild cress growing on the cave walls and scratched at the dirt until she found some muddy water with which to wash her face and drink. This muddy water would bubble forth into a clear mountain spring that brought immediate and astounding cures to many, attracting attention throughout France and beyond.

A Time of Revolution

When the lady in the grotto expressed her desire for a chapel and for people to come in procession, Bernadette delivered the message to her parish priest. His reception was less than friendly. France was being torn by revolutions in politics, industry, and secularism, and the Church that once held a place of honor and respect was desperately trying to regain its footing in a rapidly changing and dangerous environment. Most of the clergy were opposed to what they deemed a superstitious claim of the supernatural, and Bernadette’s parish priest was no exception. It was not until the lady said to Bernadette, “I am the Immaculate Conception,” that the priest believed her. After all, how could an illiterate peasant who barely understood her catechism know such an advanced term, when the Church had only professed the dogma of the Immaculate Conception four years earlier? It took another four years of intense investigation for the bishop of Tarbes and Lourdes to approve the apparitions as worthy of belief. The grotto and its miraculous spring were then made available to the public.

Church approval, however, did not keep the events at Lourdes from being attacked in the press. Columnists mocked the apparitions and their followers, particularly the vast numbers of pilgrims with illness and disabilities who looked upon Lourdes as their last vestige of hope.

The journey for the pilgrims was often long and arduous, and many died before ever setting eyes on the place of miracles. Others perished on the trip home. Medical professionals tried to close the sanctuary on the grounds of unsanitary conditions. Yet despite the protests from the secular and medical world, belief in the apparitions could not be squelched. The grotto there offered people a truth about life—and death—that the world could not.

A Living Sanctuary

What is it about Bernadette’s story that annually beckons upwards of six million people from around the world? As Lourdes Bishop Jacques Perrier is quick to point out, Lourdes is not a historical museum, commemorating something that happened 150 years ago. It is a living sanctuary that proclaims the Gospel message of prayer, penance, love, and service to one another. It is a powerful witness to hope and healing for those who suffer physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

And while miraculous cures have been documented as a result of prayer to the Virgin or contact with the water, a far deeper healing of mind and heart is the true miracle of Lourdes. This is manifested daily in the peaceful acceptance of one’s illness or disability, the realization of the fullness of the love of the Lord, and the resolve to embrace life with renewed strength.

Lourdes is first and foremost a place of prayer. Bernadette set this example by praying the rosary with the lady at the start of each visit. To a world focused on achieving happiness through power, prestige, and other empty promises, Lourdes delivers a strikingly different message. It rises above the temptation to wallow in negativity and despair by offering hope—hope for miracles; healings; a new life or even a peaceful death.

Lourdes teaches by example that God always prevails despite impossible odds. Visitors are challenged to surrender their stubborn wills and make the changes needed to live holier lives. Lourdes also calls us to turn our gaze outward, to pray for the sins of others, and to demonstrate love for one another through acts of service and charity.

Lastly, we may consider the appearance of the Immaculate Virgin in a less-than-immaculate grotto to a child of lowly status and compromised health. In this unique encounter, Christ speaks to us through his mother and meets us where we are in life, in the midst of our poverty and our failures. He comes to tell us that he loves us just as we are, with our successes but also with our wounds, our weaknesses, and our limitations. Empowered by this love, we are asked to in turn to love and serve our fellow humankind in their physical and spiritual poverty. This sense of conversion and renewal that is received so abundantly through devotion to Lourdes still gives us reason to celebrate 150 years later.

Elizabeth Ficocelli is the author of Lourdes: Font of Faith, Hope, and Charity.

Published in Columbia, February 2008