In some of my many travels I had the opportunity to talk with a retired FBI agent who interviewed a child pedophile and convicted murderer of children. When I asked him several questions regarding the cases he was in charge of this is what he told me. That many of them were unsupervised by parents and were abused or neglected. Many of them, were witness to pornography at a young age (not being supervised) many of them found their victims by driving around and just looking sometimes at night through open shades. So to me, I will definitely micromanage my young children’s lives until they understand the complexity of every day living in a society where many have no respect for life.

Perhaps I do not fully understand what it means to micromanage, but I am guessing that many of you would classify me as a parent who micromanages things. I figure, it is not the same as 50 years ago when you could send your child outside to play and not see them again for several hours and everything was fine. You could have your kids sleep over at a friends and not worry about abuse, exposure to violent or pornographic movies, you did not have to worry about a lot of things that I believe we clearly do now.

When I went to take my daughter to college, they made this big schpeel about helicopter parents and just let them go. I thought really? What a joke! I am going to send my Catholic daughter, who is saving herself for marriage into the world for the first time and just wave at the corner good bye and good luck! Think again. I did not birth my children into the world so that I could throw them into the cesspool of water and say “sink or swim”.

So what did I do? I encouraged her to pick a college close to home for her first year. That way she had an opportunity to get out of the house and learn to live on her own but had a way to come to the place that she felt safe and loved if she felt the need or was overwhelmed with the new environment. I came for lunch once in a while so she could show me around and have a sense that her “place” was her place. I called or texted regularly just to encourage her. I sent gift baskets at finals time to get her through the long nights of study. When she was sick, I picked her up and brought her home to help her get through it, helped her with her laundry and then took her back.

What! Some of you are saying. For crying out loud, let her grow up. But hear me, what message did my actions say? One day, I will be gone, dead and buried and what message did my “hovering” send her? That no matter what, I will love her, I will server her, I will be involved. When she has her first baby, if she desires, I will come to her house for the first week and do laundry, help her to take a nap, encourage her, whatever it takes so that she too can embrace her role as heart of the family.

What do others think? Are you as infuriated by the term “helicopter” parents? Perhaps all homeschoolers are helicopter parents? After all, I homeschool to keep the innocence of my children intact, to take into account their different learning styles and cater to that, to know who they are associating with and to ensure that they remain close to Christ. I know that I have received ridicule for being overprotective and that homeschoolers are not letting kids be socialized.

As a helicopter parent, I think that my actions have been the reason that all 8 of my children are still alive. It also may account for why none of them have been sexually abused and why all of them know that they can not get away with anything because mom is on the job. I don’t allow sleep overs and I supervise even family members as they are in proximity to my kids (having been abused my family members growing up, I realize even a “walk” with the wrong relative can prove tragic).

Don’t get me wrong, I could not possibly run after all 8 kids at once, I am just VERY involved. I am sure that many teachers can’t stand me (some of my kids have gone into school), many parents think I am over involved and some of you reading this are sighing and rolling your eyes and I don’t blame you, I am not denying a thing.

However, here is the fruit of labor; My oldest is almost 21 and although she rolls her eyes at me at times when I am hovering, she also has expressed to me that she has on many occasions been grateful for me being there for her as she learns to make her way in the world.

I have also had my 15 year old tell me she prefers to go to the mall with me than her friends because I am more fun.

My children learned about the birds and the bees from their father and I, they are safe, healthy, love Christ and the Church, know they were made to know, love and serve God and believe they too have a purpose to being created.

So, I do not plan on changing my technique anytime soon, but would love to know from others what their take is on this subject.

Copyright 2010 Christina King

I then talked about the 3 things that will oppose them in battle; The World, (Jersey Shore and pornography) The Flesh (The senses and temptations to use/lust and not love others), and The Devil: The Enemy, The Evil one, who uses many tactics to destroy them.  The Evil one uses the following tactics;  1. Break down communications with headquarters (God) by sloth, or to make undisciplined a man so that every excuse, impediment or obstacle stands in the way between a man and God.  2) Propaganda: The Evil one uses lies and faulty information in the messages we hear and the way he tells men that they do not have what it takes or that they are phonies.  He will use any and all means to introduce lies into our lives.  He desires only that we listen.  Jesus never entered into dialogue with the enemy, instead, he pulled out the sword of truth and cut that dragon in half by quoting scripture to him, thus revealing the lies.  When we dialogue with the Evil one, who is superior in intellect, we make the first mistake.  Once we listen, he works on getting us to believe and make agreements with him about  the lies.  “You never do anything right”, Ya..what is wrong with me?  Right there, an agreement has been made and the door has opened for the enemy to gain a stronghold and affect our relationship with God.     As an enemy always watches the Perimeter, (3) so too does the enemy knows our weakness and chinks in the Armour.  He will expose them and use them to deceive us, to destroy us, to win the battle.  Men  must know his tactics so that they do not allow him to exploit these chinks. All men are meant to fight the battle.  In Combat (4) The Evil one uses the intellect, body and our soul/spiritual receptivity to manipulate our feelings and our thoughts so that he can incapacitate us. I then lead the boys through the prayer in scripture of putting on the Armour of Christ. Since only a man can bestow masculinity, I made sure to tell them to listen close to Doug Barry’s talk later that day as he would lead them on the adventure to fight the battle for his Bride (spouse or the church).  As a woman, I told them my gifts are to inspire them to this call and through my feminine heart, to lift them up so that they too can learn to be receptive to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

The girls talk was “Captivating Beauty” and it was about how women were created to Know God.  This means he desires an intimate and personal relationship with with her through the father who desires to protect and care for her.  He desires to know her through the son who is her lover and romancer of her feminine heart and an inspiration to men through the power of her feminine beauty.  He also desires to know her through the Holy Spirit who is the life giving healer and voice of God who spoke through out scripture and continues to speak to our hearts to day. Woman with her unique ability to receive and be receptive is called to bring Christ as Mary did in her womb to men of the world. We are called to be mothers and to be tabernacles!  Just as Mary brought Christ in her womb to Elizabeth, so are we called to be tabernacle, bringing Christ to the world.  We are to be the hands and feet that Christ desires to bring his love and presence to others. We are called to Love through our femininity.  We are the Bride and Christ is our bridegroom.  The Bride and the bridegroom analogy shows how much Christ desires for us to see we were meant to be in communion. I talked about the creation of woman in the Garden, out of the image and likeness of God and not the dust of the earth like man was…his creation shows his rugged creation of wilderness within him revealing his impending adventure, battle and need for Eve.

We were created out of the image and likeness of God, which shows our precious dignity as well as our design from the original invention of man which is to give and receive love to our bridegroom (spouse or consecrated religious life or consecrated single life).  We too are called to change the world with our fiat, to serve through motherhood (spiritual or physical) and we too will face the challenges of the World, the flesh and the devil.

The world tells us our physical beauty is the most important thing we have of value.  This is a lie.  WE are Body, Soul and Intellect.  Our femininity is infused throughout this relationship that makes us the “person” that we are.  Not only this, but God says just being a woman is beautiful.  Why? Because only a woman can carry another human being within her body.  We are touched by the finger of God as he knits the body and soul of new life within our wombs. So to have a womb, to be woman, this conveys our beauty and is why the devil hates us so much. I expounded on the the need to invite God the father in and heal our father wounds, to invite God the Son in to romance our hearts, to invite God the Holy Spirit in to heal us and to speak to us so that we can change the world with our yes.

I also talked about renouncing any agreements or vows that we might have believed from previous Father wounds that the evil one tries to exploit to keep us controlling, angry or unable to trust.  I talked about forgiving others and using the sacraments as the means to physically experience God through the physical reception, to spiritually experience God as we are receiving the Grace from the sacraments and to intellectually receive God has our will is conformed with His Will through the meeting of the Holy Spirit in the sacraments.

This young woman put together this amazing conference in the Diocese of Nevada.  It is too bad that only 50 students came.  Because her conference was not supported by the person in her diocese that is in charge of faith formation for teens, she was unable to bring this amazing opportunity to more teens there.  We, like this young woman, are called to stay faithful no matter the obstacles.  I am grateful that she did not give in to the spirit of discouragement.  Instead of giving up, she worked hard to bring confession, adoration and mass to the youth of our church.  She, through her feminine gifts, opened herself to the Holy Spirit and received the gift of counsel (by virtue of her baptism) and in this counsel, she knew God desired for her to show the youth of today that they are in a battle for their souls and she gave them the truth of the faith to fight that battle!

This is only one way that she has shown to the world her feminine receptivity to God.  She is showing her mother heart, her desire to share and teach the faith, to love and encourage others.  This is what a mother does.  This is what we as women are ALL called to do!  We are called to be “impregnated” as Pope John Paul 11 said in his encyclical of the dignity of woman, we are called to be filled, infused, impregnated with the Holy Spirit.  To allow it to grow and transform our lives with in us so that we can give our fiat, our yes to God and through our yes, God will “birth” and bring forth the life Christ from our feminine hearts. This demonstration of trust and being a child of God reveals the Father to the World.  This passion and desire to love others reveals God the Son.  This receptivity and obedience to open herself and receive the word of God and to listen to it and then convey it to the world reveals God the Holy Spirit.  All women are called to Motherhood.  A mother is one who loves, nurtures, instructs, encourages, gives life, gives her very self to the world as a gift.  So that through her gift of femininity and of motherhood, others will see the face of God, they will see Christ in her…they will hear His voice and know they are loved.



Copyright 2010 Christina King

My daughter was listening to the radio while doing the dishes and a Brittany Spears song came on.  The subject matter of the song was about how Brittany believes that there are only two kinds of people; those who entertain and those who are entertained.  My daughter drew my attention to the song and made some kind of comment about how she knew that there was something wrong about the lyrics but was not sure why.  As I listened to the lyrics the answer hit me like a ton of bricks.  This is what I told her.

Brittany was missing out on the full truth of what it means to give  yourself as a gift.  It is true that some of us are more comfortable with being in the lime light however, that was not Brittany’s point.  Her lyrics were not about sharing her gifts with others but with being consumed and used by others as an object or a commodity in her “entertainer role”.  She was packaging herself and saying that the “person” Brittany is not as important as her role as an entertainer.

We discussed how sad this was because she was missing out on what it means to be a person made in the image and likeness of God.  She was also missing the point that her gifts in music were a gift and should be given away, but Brittany was not seeing this value, her value was being measured by cheers, leers, the ability to tantalize.

We agreed that Brittany was not understanding the basic foundational truth to what it means to love.  If she never came to understand this, no matter how successful she became she would still be consumed with emptiness, a feeling of not being at peace with herself and would not be fulfilled in life.  St. Catherine of Sienna says that if a person is doing what they are called to do, they will set the world ablaze!  We see Brittany’s desire to do this, but she will forever fall short if she does not grasp the fundamental truth that she  and her life are not an object for use by others.

My daughter and I continued to talk about it for awhile and she began to then extrapolate what I said and apply it to other things going on in school between a best friend and her best friend’s boyfriend.  I am grateful for that moment because we might not have talked about these other things had I not seized that moment as an opportunity to teach her something about love, her faith and the dignity of the human person.  “Jesus, Mary and Joseph, take my heart and give me  yours”.



Copyright 2010 Christina King

Because many of us have been wounded, we can fail to see the beauty in who we are and try to become what we think others will accept us as or what we “should” be so that others will not reject us (rejection wounds).  In other words, we “should” all over ourselves.  This depletes a tremendous amount of energy. Energy that could otherwise be spent fulfilling our purpose.  Sometimes we just stuff down our pain, pushing it deeper and deeper in a jar and turn the lid on extra tight so it stays there.  We then forget about it but, the effects are still there.

Then there are some people, who know who they are and embrace it.  They embrace their weaknesses and limitations which becomes a new strength by simplifying their lives and allowing them to grow in humility.  These people radiate energy and when you are in their presence you feel it like rays of sunshine on your face on a a clear summer day.  Have you ever met someone like this? When they look at you, you fee as if they are really seeing you and it is without any judgment, prejudice or fear.  This is what it feels like being in the presence of Dr. Bob Schuchts who presented Sexual Healing and Redemption at the Theology of The Body.

I certainly know what it is like to be deeply wounded.  I realize now that I have consistently sabotaged my own happiness and relationships because of them.  Something I am determined to heal.

Many of us are afraid to face those things within ourselves, maybe because when we have done so on our own or with a counselor, it just seemed to create more pain without any healing.  However, when we make our healing Christ centered, true healing begins.

Over the past year I have been growing in courage.  I attribute a course taught at The Theology of The Body Institute last summer called “Sexual Healing and Redemption”.  More specifically, I believe it was the teachings of Dr. Bob Schuchts, who teaches a concept of Inner Healing.  The premise is that the “whole” person must be healed.  That we may see repetitive sins in our lives but unless we deal with the root of the wound, we can not find true healing.  Are you angry? The root of anger is in control.  Why do we want to control (this may be passive or aggressive control)?  Because rooted in the control is abandonment wounds.

I learned that the 7 deadly sins are often “rooted” in a wound.  When we make promises to ourselves, like  “I can not count on anyone but myself” (pride), we bind ourselves up with that promise to a particular sin.  It is a proclamation binding us in our own free will.  Unless we bring Christ to that place and submit it to Him (God will not interfere with our free will) we may not experience freedom.    When we bring Christ into that wound and submit our will to Him, He can then heal the abandonment wound.  Only then can we begin to experience freedom from the anger that seems to consume us. Dr. Bob is all about the roots (I am seeing a commercial for hair dye called Inner Healing with Dr. Bob’s  holding a box saying “It’s all about the roots!).

Many of us are suffering with the effects of an abusive childhood or our own destructive decisions.  We can function somewhat normally through prayer, participation in the sacraments or even by seeking out counseling however, unless inner healing takes place, then we are only functioning better for a period of time.  Dr. Bob Schuchts explained very beautifully, using the concepts of Theology of The Body to explain how to do this through this contemplative prayer like therapy that focuses on Jesus entering into the counseling and illuminating what hurts need to be healed.  Then Christ Himself is asked to provide the healing as an experienced therapist guides you through it.  An example of how successful this kind of therapy is can be demonstrated by considering AA and it’s 12 step program.  It was based on the St. Ignatius contemplative prayer style.  Until God is allowed into our wounds, we  do not find healing.

This also reminds me of the book “Unbound”by Neal Lozano,  in which the focus is prayer and asking Jesus to reveal the source of our sin.  We ask to know the place where we may have opened the door to the enemy.  We give the enemy a foot hold when we say things like “I can not trust anyone!” or “Things will never change” with our own words we end up cursing ourselves and we are bound.

Dr. Bob Schuchts and his Inner Healing concepts have brought me a tool box by which Jesus and I have begun to heal my soul and my spirit (something he explains have separate functions) and through this healing I am more able to live through this body and physically bring Christ to others.  Inner Healing is giving me the ability to Embrace my Own Greatness.  By this I mean that God has given us all gifts and charisms to accomplish His will in and through us.  With inner healing, I am more capable of doing this.

God often uses the simplest of ingredients, water, oil and wheat etc. He can work with us in our own brokenness however, He desires for us to whole.  If  you are suffering and need Inner Healing then I would suggest you check out the Theology of The Body Healing Center.  I can not tell enough people how amazing this healing is. When we become more whole then we are more capable of bringing Christ to others.  Listen for yourself at www.OnlyPeople.net and click on Dr. Bob Schuchts talk “Healing the Whole Person”. Dr. Bob Schuchts will be at the Theology of The Body Congress this summer.



Copyright 2010 Christina King

Oh my goodness that sounds so funny.  Let me explain.  I had a friend whose child had failure to thrive.  I asked her if she were open to supplementing her child with formula.  She had some concerns with giving her child something produced in a “factory” and so I offered her my breast milk.  She was delighted and began to give her daughter 20 ounces of Christina King milk a week.  Her daughter began to gain weight.  A couple of months later, I was approached by another friend who asked if I was still supplementing for the other family because her baby,  was also having some struggles putting on weight.  After talking with my first friend and discovering she no longer needed my milk, it was decided to give the 20 ounces to the second friend.  Her daughter, whose name was Christina, gained a pound in the first ten days on my milk.  The lactation consultant was stunned! I think we all were.  To this day, when I see her daughter, I feel connected to her in an motherly way.  Maybe this is the connection of the mystical body of Christ that Caryll Houselander speaks of.

When this friend went on vacation to Hawaii, my breast milk was in tow.  While she and her husband were hiking in the mountains they came across a starving kitten and she poured out some of my breast milk in a cup.  As the kitten lapped it up, she thought to herself “Wow, Christina’s milk is feeding the world!”

From that day forward she referred to me as the “Dairy Queen”.  After doing the math, I figure that I have been nursing babies for about 15 years.  To me it comes quite naturally and I don’t think anything of it.  So when the Today Show was talking about a new toy for girls that promoted breast feeding, I was a little surprised by their reactions.

The baby doll cries, burps and makes sucking noises.  The girl who gets the doll can put on a small apron that has flowers where the breasts would be.  When the baby cries, she can put the baby’s mouth up to the flower and then the baby stops crying and makes sucking noises.  Then the girl burps the baby.  This seems innocent enough, I mean, a baby doll has to eat.  What’s the big deal if a child pretends to feed it with a bottle or to nurse it?  After all, this is how it is done in real life and children pretend all kinds of things.  They pretend to cook, vacuum, mow lawn, etc.  So does it matter if you choose a doll that uses a bottle or a doll that nurses? I remember having a doll that after you fed it food and then gave it a bottle it actually had  what mimicked a BM in it’s diaper.  That has to be more disturbing than a doll that nurses right?

Well, Kathy Lee and Hoda went on to describe the doll as “Creepy”.  Kathy Lee then asked the question “What’s next a boy and girl doll that, you know..”.  That is when it hit me.  Since when is breastfeeding a physically intimate act meant for a husband and wife?  For Kathy Lee to say that a nursing doll is a stepping stone for dolls that engage in sexual activity seems over the top.  But maybe I just do not have perspective on this whole thing.  After all, after 15 years of nursing babies, maybe I am not able to see the other side.

Our culture and it’s prolific use of breast augmentations and pornography has turned women’s breasts into objects that incite lust.  This stands in extreme contrast to the images of Our Lady of LeLeche.  I was first made aware of pictures of the Blessed Virgin Mary with her breast exposed as she nursed the infant Jesus when I attended the Theology of The Body Institute.  One specific image shows the breast milk spraying out onto a saint kneeling before her.  When I researched the Vatican teachings on this I found that her breast milk is equated to that of the precious blood that was poured out to the world as a fluid that saves us!  Wow!

How is it that we have gone from viewing the natural function of making milk for our babies as beautiful to something that is creepy?  We have gone from displaying images of a nursing Madonna, which was painted to express the outpouring of the Virgin Mary’s love for the world, to seeing breasts as something meant for men. Well, no wonder Kathy Lee thought it was creepy.  If her understanding of the body is true and if breasts are for men then to have a young girl even acknowledge she has breasts in this manner  would then be scandalous or perverted even.  I have to admit, my initial response was somewhat uneasy.  I need to overcome some of my puritanical views of the body.  I am working on properly ordering and “untwisting” some of my views.

I am not sure if I would ever buy one of the dolls that nurse.  My daughters (and even my 3 year old son) have always just put their baby dolls under their shirts and pretended.  I would sure love to hear some of your views on this subject.  As we begin to unpack Theology of The Body and use it to understand our bodies, God and his purpose for each of us, I am grateful for the new lenses in which it has provided me to look through.  I am beginning to see so much more than I first thought I would.  I find it begins to touch ever aspect of my life, even the choice of toys I would buy for my children.   Who would have thought?



Copyright 2010 Christina King

Pope John Paul ll writes about real love being a Free, Total, Faithful and Fruitful gift of self to another.  On Dictionary.com the word unfaithful means false to duty, obligations, promises, faithless, disloyal, unbelieving, infidel.  By Tiger saying he has been “unfaithful” he has admitted not only to breaking a vow to love his wife and family but he has also acknowledged his actions were faithless and false in  his duty as a man and protector of the family.  Within this simple sentence he has said so much.  Even the words I was, infuses the understanding that his dignity as “person” was compromised in being unfaithful as well as the person he was unfaithful to.  It was a beautiful sentence made by a man who had come forward this Lenten season to “make straight his path”.

Just as I thought that maybe Tiger’s heart had a chance to be healed, he regressed.  His next sentence,  “I had affairs” becomes a watered down version of the truth.   Affairs is defined on Dictionary.com as an event or happening that occasions or arouses notoriety, dispute and often public scandal.  It also says an affair is an intense amorous relationship, usually of short duration.  In the words of his second sentence he has moved the focus from inside of who he his (husband and father) to outside of himself (a participant in an event or amourous relationship).  Although the word affair connotes scandal, the depth of his apology had been transformed from what was analogous of an ocean to that of a swimming pool.

His final sentence broke my heart.  As my brother in Christ, I listened to this man who just like me was made in the image and likeness of God, and I ached listening to him further dilute his attempts to make things right.  “I cheated.” Dictionary.com gives these as synonyms; mislead, dupe, delude; gull, con; hoax, fool.  I can not help but wonder if he realizes the person he is now deluding is himself with this oversimplification.  If someone cheated on a test, we would understand that the person was initially engaged in an activity that was neither right nor wrong.  However, the wrong was done by the choosing to cheat as the means by which to complete the test.   In relationship to Tiger, his desire for sexual union was not wrong, it was the means by which he attempted it.  Rather than entering into the marital embrace, he chose a cheat, a counterfeit, a fake, a dupe, a hoax.  His error, was choosing the counterfeit and his apology now went from a swimming pool, to that of a puddle.

Our culture cheats us when it denies that  “stamped” into our very bodies as male and female, lies the truth that we are created for a purpose.  As Tiger continued with his apology, he explained that in recent years he had fallen away from his Buddhist faith.  “My faith teaches that craving for things outside of ourselves causes unhappy and pointless searches for security.”   I wished to be able to share Theology of The Body with him so that I could help him understand how wrong he was.  God desires for us to to connect with things outside of ourselves.  If God had planned for happiness and security to be found by looking inward then Eve would never have been created for Adam.  So, will this man, who by his actions has shown the world how desperate he is for love, ever find it?  I pray that he does.  I know God loves each of us more than anyone on earth ever could.  So, God loves Tiger more than his own mother children, or wife ever could.  If God loves him this much, then I would bet, that He will be continuing to make himself known to Tiger.  It will then be up to Tiger to receive it.

Copyright 2010 Christina King

First of all let’s talk about mom underwear. To summarize, they are almost all at least 2 years old and most of them have holes or ripped elastic. They are all white with no color or design. “Granny” is the word that comes to mind upon first glance. I usually have a few favorite pairs. The few that make the cut to “favorite” do so not because they are pretty or special in anyway no, they are my favorite because they cut off the least amount of circulation or they leave the smallest welts.

Since I have had a baby within the last 6 months it seams that even my underwear don’t fit yet and so I never leave the house without wearing my spanx. For those of you who have not been enlightened to this MIRACLE of modern underwear, spanx is the new girdle invented by a woman and so they actually work quite well. “Higher Power” is the name of my favorite and after having eight children, they live up to name and are a Godsend to my midsection. They actually extend all the way up and over the ribcage and because of a special band they do not roll down. This eliminates the “muffin top” that can occur when you have so much extra after having children.

I feel like it keeps it all pulled in. What it really does is just flatten the fat to other parts of the mid-section or forces it out the sides but hey, it does take at least an inch off the front so I find it definitely worth squeezing into.

I can never justify spending money on new clothes while I can squeeze into my old ones and underwear has been no exception. Actually, I would say function always has broad criteria. When I was wearing maternity underwear I often thought they needed to rename them maternity underoll rather than underwear since it seems to me that all they did was roll down my belly in a roll. You know, like a little old ladies knee high pantyhose that would roll down to her ankles?

Now the dad underwear in our house is unlike any I have encountered in my lifetime. Somehow even though I have toilet paper fully stocked in the bathroom (I must with five girls in the house) the dad underwear in this house looks like it was used in place of toilet paper and then put back on. I believe the kids call it “skid marks”. Whatever you want to call it, it never ceases to amaze me that every new pair I buy gets “broken in” almost immediately.

The kid underwear phenomenon is somewhat interesting. I think they should make underwear that can be worn backwards or forwards since my kids seem to always have them on backwards. So if you can imagine this it means that they are crammed up their butts in the back and have a big puffy wad in the front that hangs out the top of their pants. The other thing about kid underwear that I must include about this category is that the children seem to be perfectly content with wearing the same pair everyday. The concept of changing underwear daily seems to escape my younger children so much so that when they do finally change them the old pair some how makes it’s way back into their drawers. Now, I must mention that skid marks are also something that can be found in my younger children’s underwear as well which, quite frankly is somewhat mind boggling since they plug the toilet up with wads of toilet paper on a daily basis! We have actually installed special toilets in our home to combat this phenomenon. I often wonder, when I see the wads of paper balled up in the always un-flushed toilet along with a precious “treasures” left floating in the bowl for the toddler to come and fish for, what the heck are they wiping cause is sure ain’t their backsides!

Copyright 2010 Christina King

Bulimia is an illness  characterized by the taking in of food through binging or eating to excess only to purge or vomit out all that was taken in.  The person with this illness desires to enjoy the pleasurable sensations of the food through the physical act of consuming it but does not want to bear the responsibility or consequences of their actions therefore they vomit out the food after they are done consuming it (this is a very basic definition for use in this article and not intended to be a through medical explanation).

So how does Bulimia liken itself to contracepted sex?  Well, perhaps he was stating that both examples are of a person seeking out pleasure through a physical means, one in the sexual act the other through the pleasure of eating.  Just as a bulimic vomits out the food to purge themselves of the undesired calories, the “sexual bulimic” vomits out the fertility, the unwanted part of sexual intimacy through the use of contraception.  I was struck by his wonderful use of imagery in this comparison.



It reminded me of when I was a freshmen in high school.  I had been removed from my home in Wisconsin a year before after the state discovered that my step father was sexually abusing me for the past 5 years.  I was sent to live with my father in San Jose, California.  My world was turned upside down as I was thrust into a new life thousands of miles away from my mother, my brother and sister and all my friends.  I was living with a father that I barely new.  I was desperate to fit in with the local tanned and totally fit student body at my new High School.  I dyed my hair, made the varsity cheerleading squad, started dating one of the most popular foot ball players (his family is actually famous) and started using food to sooth and comfort me during the stressful transition.  The calories posed a problem to the body I was supposed to maintain so the balance I found was not moderation and exercise but binging and purging.  It allowed me to continue to abuse food without consequences (so I thought).

After reflecting on my own bulimic past, I found the imagery of Christopher’s example compelling because it likens itself to so much of the truth.  For example, food is life giving.  It takes a physical act of consuming it to put it into ones body and the process begins with our tongues, filled with taste buds and saliva glands as well as the nose, integrating these somatic parts to what can often be called a pleasurable experience (depending upon what you are eating of course).  Now, the main purpose of eating is not pleasure, however if you think about it, it is quite amazing how many things God has made pleasurable yet the main purpose is not pleasure alone.  So to eat to excess, only to vomit out the life giving substance, is analogous to contracepted sex because it seeks to take in physically the pleasure and the contents but rejects the life giving component; fertility.

Where I binged on Ho Ho’s and then purged them out, my goal, my purpose was to feed that urge and desire that my body was screaming for, pleasure, enjoyment, satisfaction, comfort.  The desire was not bad but the way in which I was seeking to fulfill it was twisted.  The purging was a way I tried to balance out or cancel out the reaction to my actions.  I was trying to overt the natural purpose and consequence of food, which was calories.

So seeking pleasure wherever I could find it continued to be a theme in my life.  Contraception allowed me to take in the physical pleasure and the gift of another but then vomit out the part that I did not want to affect me or my life, just like I had once vomited out the food.   It would be years later that I would discover the truth about contraception.  You can read that journey in my article on “Living your yes is loving God”.

For example, I recently came across the lyrics to a favorite song of mine by Peter Gabriel entitled “Kiss That Frog”.  As I read through the words it struck me that this was not just a great song but rather it contained profound truth about women and men.  Specifically, I believe it reveals a deep longing that men have within them to be transformed by the love of a woman.  Women have their own gifts and capabilities but for the purposes of this discussion I want to just focus on the impact that woman have on man.


The tune begins with; “Jump in the water”.

So many of us use variations of this expression when we are trying to encourage someone to just give something a chance.  For example “take a leap of faith”or  “jump in with both feet” to name a few.  So the song begins with the invitation for all of us women to take a leap of faith and jump in, if you will.

Sweet little princess, let me introduce his frogness;

Just as the childhood limerick goes, men do often envision women as “sweet” and “princess like” while they, in their maleness are more like the frog.  The song begins with making the differences of men and women known at the onset.

You alone can get him singing, Hes all puffed up, wanna be your king, Oh you can do it, Cmon [x6] Lady kiss that frog;

Ghandi himself believes this one.  Ghandi was known to have said that behind every powerful man was a strong woman.  Women have inspired men for centuries, from the very first recordable words uttered by man in the bible which exclaimed “At Last! Flesh of My Flesh and Bone of My Bones!” Eve’s very preciousness is revealed in the fact that she was created from the image and likeness of God and not the dirt of the earth! So when the song says “You alone can get him singing”, what it is telling us is that in the very preciousness that IS woman, we have a unique hold and ability to inspire greatness in the man.  We alone can get them singing.   Through the inspiration of woman, men “puff up”with courage, strength and belief in themselves as well as the inspiration to create works of art.  They become better men, noble men when a woman who loves them believe them capable of greatness.  The words “kiss that frog” is the invitation to transform this man.

There is a scene in the 3rd triliogy of “Pirates of the Caribean” when Elizabeth Swan is trying to convince the Bretheren Court to fight against the pirate Davy Jones and the corrupt brittish captain.  They were all about to turn and run but she stands before the men and explains to them what it means for them to be men and to stand and fight for something.  When she is finished they all chear and are filled with courage and inspiration.  That scene reminds me not only how powerful and couragous men are but how they often become so after first being inspired by a woman.

Splash, dash heard your call, Bring you back your golden ball, Hes gonna dive down in the deep end Hes gonna be just like your best friend;

Many men work to be the provider of families (as do women), they answer the call to serve and desire to meet all of the needs of the family despite the difficulites of economy, family life, illness and more.  Even though God said that man would have to work by the sweat of his brow to live on this earth, this part of the song conveys a willingness to do so on the part of the man because he want to please, he is eager to serve and desires a relationship with us.

So whats one little kiss, One tiny little touch, Aaah, hes wanting it so much, I swear that this is royal blood, Running through my skin, Oh can you see the state Im in, Kiss it better, kiss it better;

This reveals so much into the pysche of man.  Physical affection is a powerful love language for men.  Every touch or kiss they receive fills them up in a way that many women may not realize.  We have heard men are “wired” differently then women and it is true.  They are wanting so much to give love to woman and have her recieve it.  Just as the blood runs through his veins, affection is like the lifes blood and it is required by them to exist in this difficult world.  The words “royal blood” conote that he knows he can be transformed.

The words “kiss it better” remind me of how powerful children think a mother’s kisses is. How many of us have had a child ask us to kiss it better and then actually wiped their tears and went on about their business, playing, as if we just administered some kind of magic.

Well, there are two truths revealed here. One, that men can seem like children sometimes, pouting or needy for us to kiss it better but more importantly the men who love us  believe that the woman they love CAN kiss it better.  The second truth is that just as our kiss to a child makes it better, so can our kiss to our husbands.

The marital embrace is the incarnation of the wedding vows as St. Thomas Aquinas says in his Summa.  He even goes so far to say that just as the sacraments are outward signs signifying an inward pouring of grace into our souls, so too is the marital embrace (when free, total, faithful and fruitful are present) and through the consummation of love (the outward sign) there is grace that is being poured into our souls at that very momment transforming us.  So maybe we CAN kiss it better, the grace of God heals us.  When we are renewing our wedding vows through the marital embrace, we are experiencing the sacrament and this very act becomes like an image of the trinity.  The lover (God the Father) gives himself to the Beloved (God the Son) and the fire of their love that burns between them becomes fruitful in making another person (God the Holy Spirit).

Get it into your royal head, He’s living with you, he sleeps in your bed, Cant you hear beyond the croaking, Don’t you know that I’m not joking, Aaah, you think you wont, I think you will, Don’t you know that this, tongue can kill, C’mon [x6], Lady kiss that frog Let him sit beside you, Eat right off your plate, You don’t have to be afraid, There’s nothing here to hate, Ah, princess you might like it, If you lower your defense, Kiss that frog, and you will Get your prince [x2];

It is so true, we have to get it through our heads, we are sharing our lives with a man that we fell in love with, yet sometimes we allow their faults, their croaking to be all we see and hear.  Our own pride or anger at past hurts can cause us to create barriers or cause us to withold our affections.  Soon, the tongue, our words (and theirs) become poisoned with our anger and it can feel like dying a slow death everyday.  The song turns here and says that although this may be the case we must be urged forward.  Despite the truth that our husbands may do or say things that make us want to withold our affections , we should kiss him anyways(I am not speaking about abuse here, all forms of abuse are inexcusable and counseling or spiritual direction would be necessary if this is taking place).

Let him sit beside you;

Here we are being coaxed to swollow our pride and let him “eat off of our own plate”.  Love requires us at times, to give even when the other does not necessarily deserve it and to not just give but to let them eat off of our very own plate!  We become afraid to open up again, to be vulnerable.  But to be vulnerable means to lower our defense and kiss that frog and in doing so we may enter into the very moment of transformation with our husbands.  It can be this very act of compassion that inspires a man to realize that despite their unworthiness, they are receiving love and this simple act of charity can melt the hardest of hearts.  In the movie  “As Good As It Get’s” when Helen Hunt tells Jack Nicholson “Give me a compliment!” he turns to her and say’s “You make me wanna be a better man”.  Wow! That is what I am talking about.  That statement is better than “Your hot” or “You smell great” because it says to the other person that there is something within them that is so great and wonderful that it is transforming the other person through a deep and powerful connection.

Jump in the water, cmon baby jump in with me, Jump in the water, cmon baby get wet with me;

So what are we waiting for? Let’s jump in and get our feet wet, let’s really commit to it! Let’s jump in and kiss our frog!

Copyright 2009 Christina King

One of the days we were going over attractions between men and women.  We began to dissect how male and female He created them and in our unique creation we compliment on another. We continued to speak of how men find the feminine attractive and women find the masculine attractive and that this attraction is not sinful but is ordered for we were created with a complementarity.

We began to really delve into the differences between attractions vs desire for they are not the same. Up until that point, I had not believed this to be true. I had felt that once attracted, that pull, that sensation of delight was sinful and must be stopped at it’s first inception or it could lead to a greater sin.

I raised my hand and shared that I have a strong attraction to men.  For years I had found myself  very attracted to all things masculine.  I would find myself meeting someone and immediately I would notice something about them that I found attractive, and a sensation of a deep sigh would well up inside of me.  I had carried a deep guilt with me because I had believed that it was very wrong of me to have this sensation.  I believed that this “delight” in the opposite sex was inordinate desire that stemmed from a childhood of abuse resulting in some kind of emotional dysfunction that I must try and “fix” or at least work very hard at to overcome lest I fall into sin.

I had decided that the best way to handle this would be to close myself off.  Over time, I had trained myself to avoid eye contact with men that I did not know. If they looked at me, I certainly did not smile at them for that would be opening myself up and would make me vulnerable. I also believed that it would be leading them to sin because I would be then sending a message of interest and that would be wrong since I am married.

Imagine my surprise when I was met with an overwhelming response that my delight was not sinful but rather it was the essence of Theology of the Body.  How beautiful the words were to read on the page expounding on how our sexuality, was stamped into our bodies and is actually the way in which God was revealing the mystery of love and he desperately wants us to understand and enter into this mystery!

I mention this because it seems to me so many of us are starving for affection, love, completion and communion with another.  It seemed that I did not realize that I needed smiles and eye contact and yes, even touch. Christopher West brought up the topic of the Manichean demon and heresy. Specifically, he talked about how it is not sinful for a man to look at a beautiful attractive woman and see her, smile at her and say to himself “That is a very attractive, beautiful and feminine woman”. In fact, he mentioned that it affirms a man in his own masculinity to see his feminine counterpart and delight in her being created as feminine. I am not talking about lust, I am talking about recognizing that woman is a site to behold and her creation as woman is a delight!

I had NEVER thought about this concept. Suddenly, I realized that the very need to be loved that I have been carrying around with me was starving me emotionally. I had bought in to a lie that my body was something that would lead men to sin and could not be trusted. I believed that if I even smiled at a man I would be inviting him into an occasion of lust. My twisted understanding of the body had begun to distort my image of masculinity. I had begun to believe that all men were easily tempted and would be led to feelings of lust.  I say this to point out a flaw within myself. For years I had kept men at arms length, for my own safety and for theirs, not realizing that there could be good and righteous men out there who do  know how to love their sisters in Christ.

Some of the “ubber” conservative groups I had encountered had presented the same theme.  I was told by one  priest that I was too pretty to wear pants and to do so would be immodest.   I must say that this directive led me to believe that my body was an obstacle to my own holiness as well as others.

The turning point in this deep seeded belief came during the before mentioned seminar at the Theology of The Body Institute. There was a man and wife at the Seminar. His name was Charlie. They had been married for over 40 years. At one point he stood up and said to the group how beautiful I was and how it gave him joy to see me every day and that he took delight in seeing how beautifully feminine I was.

I began to cry. Why? Because I could believe him.  For one, he was sitting next to his wife when he said it so I did not have to feel like he had a hidden objective.  For another, he was at least 30 years my senior and had a fatherly air about him.  I believed him so completely that tears streamed down my face and I could not stop them. I believe that that one moment of understanding has opened a floodgate of healing in my life.

After that night I decided that whenever I saw someone look at me and make eye contact, I would hold that gaze for a moment and smile with all the love in my heart that I could. I would think the words; “God loves you”. When I left the Institute and arrived at a Philadelphia airport I was on a mission. I decided that if I saw a man look at me, I would smile with love. One after another I made eye contact and smiled when I felt someone’s eyes on me. I can not describe the joy in my heart that I experienced with the events that followed. I remember one man even tipped his hat. I did not see lust, I did not see invitation, I saw warmth and an almost thankfulness behind their eyes.

I came to realize that we all desire to be loved and accepted. In addition to this, Christ calls us to demonstrate this loving affirmation to others to bring them into the light. (Pope Benedict XVI discusses this in his Homily at New York’s St. Patrick Cathedral earlier this year).

It is so hard to love others as well as we love ourselves. But to try to reach Jesus without this love for others, would be like trying to reach heaven by hopping there on one foot, while with love of neighbor we will truly fly to Him.

I was one of the lucky ones. I’m a mother of seven now, and although none of us can ever know why people decide to commit such evil acts, I’ve seen the development of certain cultural trends in my lifetime that coincide too well with the increase in the number of similar crimes committed against children. Some of these trends may seem, at least on the surface, to be quite innocent, such as the teenage fascination with celebrity role models, but a deeper look should give us all cause to pause.

I was born in California but my mother, who was somewhat of a free spirit, moved a lot which meant we never stayed in one place very long.  I was living in California during my Junior High years when “Madonna” was the latest craze. It was the “Like a Virgin” era. For those of you who remember it, it had a lot of lace, big earrings, sweater skirts, high heeled pumps and leg warmers or tights that had the feet cut off.  Half shirts were really popular too but I could never wear those, I liked food too much.

Twenty years later, celebrities are still dictating style to girls, but the clothing is riskier and the targeted audience is getting younger and younger. Girls are emulating today’s celebrity role models just like they’ve always done, but many of today’s idols are practically ‘tweens themselves.

Brittany Spears and Christina Aquillera were just 11 years old when they first appeared on Disney. The risqué fashions these new ‘tween role models introduced dictated the style for millions of girls. These stars sell their signature fashions on exclusive product lines in every outlet store in America.  As a result, every girl from coast to coast has access to High School Music apparel or the like and, in case you haven’t noticed, each line usually includes very tiny two piece swimming suits for girls as young as four and six years old.

As the standards of modesty have been lowered as well as the marketing to younger and younger girls, a dangerous combination has occurred. As we undress our children more and more every year with the styles and fashions of the 21st century, is it any wonder that we find ourselves in a culture where more and more little girls and boys are being kidnapped, abused, and murdered? One out of four men struggle with pornography addiction and child pornography is one of the fastest growing segments of this depraved market.

It’s not surprising when you consider what has been happening in our culture during the last 20 years. In 1979, when I was watching fashion and celebrities and choosing to dress like them, it was not because they were marketing to me. After all I was only nine. Yet today, the marketing of celebrities and their fashion lines are deliberately targeting second and third graders. This is a new phenomenon, and along with it has come an alarming increase in the number of sexual crimes committed against children in the United States.

According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, one in five girls and one in 10 boys will be sexually victimized before adulthood. Child sex offenses are among the fastest growing offenses of the Federal criminal from 1994 to 2006, with these crimes increasing by an average of 15 percent every year!

Is it logical to infer that a society which exposes more and more flesh at younger and younger ages could result in tempting persons struggling with pornography or pedophilia to crime?  I think yes.

How can we be outraged at pedophilia and the disgusting industry exploiting children on Internet sites but then go and buy our sweet six year old daughter a small bikini for the public pool? It only takes a few clicks on the Internet to find a long list of sexual predators living in our own neighborhoods. Can we afford to forget that the person buying these perverted images may also be taking his or her kids to the same local swimming pool?

While we must be careful never to the blame the victims of these sordid crimes, today’s parent can never be too vigilant about the latest ‘tween fashion craze and what kind of attention these frequently immodest outfits may be drawing to our children. By allowing them to dress in these scanty fashions, is our child unwittingly becoming an occasion of sin for others?

The Baltimore Catechism defines the near occasions of sin as “all the persons, places and things that may easily lead us into sin . . .”

It’s a tough question for a parent to face, but face it we must if our children, and our society, can become a safer place. Are we allowing our children to wear clothing that reveals so much of their bodies that we provide the very occasion for others to fall? The frailty of human nature can cause those viewing especially our daughters to see them as objects instead of the child of God that they are.

Our children are God’s most beautiful creation. We all are, because we are all made in His image and likeness.

We love our neighbor as ourselves when we realize that we do not even want to entice a situation, feeling or any action in another human being that could bring about an occasion of sin for them.  How do we stop ourselves and others from seeing or using people as objects? We do this by being careful not to dress ourselves, or our precious children, as objects.

I want my five daughters to find young men who love them for who they are; who respect them, protect them and are men of character and integrity.  But the only way a young man will ever be able to see the person my daughter truly is will be if I give those future young men the opportunity by removing the distraction of immodest dress.  Essentially, this is what these fashions have become – a distraction that keeps people from seeing the person in Christ, the soul created by God inside each one of us. Pope John Paul II refers to this in Theology of the Body as “The peace of the interior gaze…” it was how Adam and Eve looked at one another before the fall.  They were naked without shame because they saw the person created by God not an object created for use by another.

How we portray ourselves to the world is an opportunity to bring someone closer to who(the person) we are instead of what(the exterior body male or female) we are. It will also bring them closer to Christ because when we allow others to know us for who we really are, children of God, then and only then will we truly have the opportunity to be the light of Christ to others.

For more information about child safety, visit the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children at http://www.missingkids.com/

Copyright 2009 Christina King

I was raised by my mother, who was a product of the hippie generation.  Her parents had immigrated to America from Germany shortly after World War II.  My grandfather was a member of the Nazi party in his youth, while my grandmother was baptized Catholic but was raised by a cruel Aunt who taught her nothing of her faith. Although  my mother was baptized into the Catholic Church, she really knew nothing of her faith.


As a small child, I was given a statue that I was told was a family heirloom.  It came from my maternal great-grandmother.  I wasn’t told much about the statue and therefore had no idea who it was.  Since I, like my mother, knew nothing of the Catholic faith I was baptized into, I just assumed the statue was Mary.  After all, she wore a veil and a long dress and held a cross and flowers in her hand.  At that time in my life, I thought all female statues were Mary.

I never knew quite why, but I always loved that statue.  I remember from my earliest years that although sexual, physical and emotional abuse tainted my childhood, it seemed as if this young girl with the pretty smile was watching over me from my dresser.  Somehow, things would be okay.

Wherever I lived, I took the statue with me.  Even though I did not know or practice my Catholic faith, the sculptured lady seemed to bring me comfort.  She was my friend.  In college, as a pregnant freshman, she was one of the few friends I had.

I did not discover that my statue friend was St. Therese of Lisieux until a special woman, a devoted Catholic, entered my life.  She would play a critical role in bringing me back to the faith.  When this woman told me she liked my St. Therese statue, I asked, “What St. Therese statue?”  She pointed to my statue.  I said, “Oh, you mean Mary?”  The woman laughed and lovingly said, “No, sweetie, that’s St. Therese of Lisieux.”  She proceeded to tell me the story of this Saint and the miracle of the roses.  I was stunned and a little embarrassed.  I felt a twinge of strangeness for the first time toward my beloved statue; yet at the same time, I was intrigued to know more about her.

At this time in my life, I was searching for meaning through things like crystals, tarot cards and palm reading.  They did not seem to offer, however, what I was seeking internally.  My husband’s best friend from high school happened to be the son of the woman who correctly identified St. Therese for me.  This young man introduced his girlfriend to us and I adored her from the moment I met her.  I was immediately drawn to a beautiful necklace she was wearing.  She told me it was called a miraculous medal, and told me the story behind it.  I found it fascinating, and was delighted when soon after she presented me with a miraculous medal of my own.

As fate had it, my husband and I moved the next month to the town in which the woman and her son lived.  One day, while visiting them in their home, they gave me a book about the apparitions of Fatima.  I was so moved by the young visionaries’ willingness to suffer and the important message of prayer that it prompted me to begin asking questions about the Church.  The mother and son taught me to pray the Rosary and I began to pray it devoutly.  I was not going to church regularly or even really practicing the faith yet, but something was definitely happening and it continued to escalate from there.

In time, I came to fully embrace my Catholic faith.  I discovered the divine mercy of God waiting for me and for all who want to start again.  I also discovered the rich treasure of spiritual resources offered by the Church, including sacraments and the saints.  These, unlike crystals and tarot cards, held real, significant and lasting meaning for me.

St. Therese of Lisieux was the first of many saints I have come to love and adore.  I enjoy her insight and her piety and her simple message of love.  I also have a fond love of roses and when I smell them on the summer breeze, I think of her still.  I believe she was instrumental in giving me the courage to follow God’s call to share my life experiences and bring a message of hope to teens.

Through the grace of God, I have founded an organization called, “Pure Freedom.”  I travel extensively, presenting my personal testimony to teenagers from coast to coast.  In my talks, I share actual experiences and their consequences, to stress to teens the importance of purity in today’s society.  I expose destructive forces at work all around them, through media, Hollywood, music and advertising.  My goal is to help teens become happier and healthier by learning to see the beauty in relationships with their brothers and sisters in Christ – meaningful and satisfying friendships without sex.

The result has been very positive.  My live talks and my tapes have apparently helped thousands of teens to take control of their lives physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  God has allowed me to bring his love and mercy to his precious children, to let them know they have someone looking over their shoulders, too.

Copyright 2009 Christina King

My mother was a German immigrant whose parents fled to the United States to escape the Nazi Regime. Her paternal grandfather was heavily tied to the Nazi Party, but her father would have nothing of it. My mother was taught simple prayers by her mother and occasionally attended Mass on Christmas and Easter.

My father was raised with no faith to speak of, though I heard that my paternal grandmother was raised Catholic. When my father was drafted in the Vietnam War, my parents, who were dating, decided to elope. Neither of their families supported the marriage. I was born just after my father returned from the war.

My mother had me baptized (against my father’s wishes) at a beautiful cathedral in San Jose, California. My godfather was a drug dealer, and my godmother was the woman who talked my mom into leaving my father.

My parents separated when I was just three months old. After their divorce I stayed with my mom. We moved in and out of people’s homes, many of whom used drugs on a regular basis and several of whom abused me. My earliest memory is the sexual abuse that began when I was only three.

We moved around a lot. We lived in California, Nevada, and even Germany before we finally moved to Wisconsin to live with my new stepfather. He started the verbal and physical abuse right away. The sexual abuse started later, when I was in the fourth grade.

As I was growing up, we only went to church on Christmas Eve for midnight Mass and sometimes on Easter.

I began to hate my home life so much I would pretend to miss the bus at the end of the school day just to avoid going home. When the opportunity presented itself to provide a viable excuse to stay after school, I jumped on it.

Light Penetrates My Darkness

One day I overheard one of the band students talking about “CCD.” This was religious education for the public-school kids who did not attend the local Catholic school. Every Wednesday after school they walked to the Catholic school for religion classes. I went home determined to convince my mother to sign me up. Now I had no interest in religion or in God or learning my faith; I just wanted an excuse to stay away from my stepfather and the home life which I dreaded. (I also enjoyed stopping at the dime store to buy candy, which was on the way to the church.)

Because I had never made my first Communion or received the sacrament of penance, I had to join the first-grade students even though I was a fourth grader. Though I don’t recall any wounded pride at being the oldest student, I do remember not fitting into the desks.

In CCD I encountered a nun for the first time. I asked her “How long is forever in heaven?” And she said, “Take the longest and largest shoreline you have ever seen. Now imagine you can count every grain of sand. Take that number and multiply it by the biggest number you can think of. Forever in heaven is longer than that.”

That was my first “God moment”: a moment in life when we realize that there is something that exists that is far more profound than we are. We all have them, though some of us choose to call them luck or coincidence. I call them God-moments because they are the moments in my life that define who I am. It is moments like these in my past that I reflect upon and realize that God was not just present but always reaching out to me.

I believe that after my first confession, I received a powerful gift of faith. I told all my secrets to the priest. I told him all of the things I had done and all of the horrible things that had been done to me. When I finished, he consoled me and gave me absolution. When I walked out of that church and opened the doors to go outside, I almost fell over from the awesomeness of the sunlight and the colors on the trees.

It was as if the colors danced on the leaves instead of just being colors. The light felt like it was penetrating my very core. The only way I can describe the magnificence of my experience is to compare it to suddenly being able to see without glasses. You see the same thing, but with a clarity and the vividness that you previously took for granted. I did not take what I saw for granted that day. To me, a miracle had occurred—my second God-moment.

What I did not realize is that my pupils had dilated because I had been in a dark place. When I stepped outside, the dilated pupil allowed the light to flood in. It was as if a shroud of darkness was lifted from my eyes as well as my soul. I was certain that something amazing had just happened. I felt renewed.
Even so, over the next several years the ongoing physical, sexual and emotional abuse reached a crescendo. Finally, I told the right people about the abuse, which resulted in my stepfather’s arrest and sentencing. I was temporarily placed in a foster home. My father, who lived in California, came to Wisconsin immediately, which was a pretty profound statement to me. He packed up my things and took me to California.

We had never spent any significant amount of time together, however, so it was a difficult transition.

Desperate for Love

I learned to be a social chameleon, a survival skill I picked up from moving around my whole life. Enrolled in the local school, I started to establish myself. I dyed my hair blonde, wore all the latest styles, got contacts, made the varsity cheerleading squad, and dated a star football and baseball player from a famous family.

He began to pressure me to become physically intimate. I went to a school counselor, who told me, “You will know when you are ready, but let’s get you on the pill, in case you decide you are!” I was not told that I was a person of value and that I had more to offer someone than pleasure. Desperate for love, I allowed myself to be used as an object in an attempt to find it.

I became pregnant within two weeks of graduation. My boyfriend and I tried to make it work. We married and then divorced. I stopped going to church. I fell into a life of sin and even questioned the existence of God. I lived this way for the next couple of years.

The next God-moment happened the day of my boyfriend’s (later my husband’s) college graduation. His best friend from high school, a devout Catholic, came for the ceremony with his girlfriend, also a devout Catholic. We hit it off right away. I noticed a medal around her neck, and she explained to me the Miraculous Medal. I was immediately interested in the details. (At that time I was wearing an art sculpture of a fertility goddess because I loved the story attached to it, which I would tell to anyone who asked.)

Several weeks later I received a package in the mail. It included two blessed Miraculous Medals. I began to wear one regularly, and I soon found myself talking to God for the first time in years. I felt him embracing me and knew he was right there. This was a huge God-moment because I was not afraid of God but drawn to him.

Moments of Grace

The next few years were like a carnival ride as I began to change interiorly. I hungered for more knowledge about the Blessed Mother and my Catholic faith. I read the Fatima story and was struck by the devotion of these simple children. I saw my faith as something beautiful. I also began to feel ashamed of my own selfishness and weakness of faith. To rectify this I began reading books by the dozen. I attended lectures on the faith. I started praying the Rosary regularly. I went back to confession for the first time in years and let all the horrible sin spill out. I felt so free and refreshed having experienced a renewed gift from my childhood. This was just another God-moment in a line of many more over the next 10 years.

I have often thought how God and our faith are much like a mechanic and his toolbox. In the sacraments, we have tangible means to experience Christ. The sacraments are the tools to experience God not just on a spiritual level, but also through the five senses of the human body. He realized we would need the outward signs as well as the interior grace that the sacraments provide.

Many things led to my re-conversion. Our Blessed Mother had a major part in it. I had never known a healthy male relationship; God sent his Mother to me to ensure that the way to him would not be lost. He took me as I was, realizing my faults and my weaknesses, using his tools to make me right.

I have been married for 17 years. My husband came into the Church in 1997, and our marriage was blessed that same year. We have seven children.

I call these truths, Intrinsic Truths.  They are the truths that do not require ones belief in them to remain true. They just are “truth”.  One such example is that as human beings, we all share in the great need to be loved and to love something outside of ourselves.  It is most easily seen on the faces of children. This is because they have not yet learned the social mores of how to mask their emotions. I see in the hunger behind their eyes.  They are crying out “Is there anybody who loves me? Will you love me even if I am bad, not perfect, make mistakes, fall short of your expectations?  It is also profoundly witnessed when we see children in Romanian orphanages who were never held that have severe emotional, physical and psychological disorders from not having been held or touched which is a conduit of love.

For years I have been witness to a world that ex pouts popularity, financial success and being attractive, as the major indicators of my overall success in life.  Actually, being “successful” is clearly modern society’s  number one aspiration for life.  So as I have stumbled through this success driven world, why are so many people I meet financially stable, attractive and popular but still desperate for real intimacy in their lives?  I see so many people that are overwhelmed with feelings of isolation, emptiness, depression?  It seems no matter where I go I encounter persons who lack the ability to be a true friend.  Instead people begin in excitement of a new friendship but once the friendship requires a sacrifice or a suffering, their true colors are shown and they abandon you for other worldly pursuits or friendships that are not so “hard”.  It seems we are all aching inside from broken relationships and are still not sure of our purpose in life, regardless of the successes in life that we achieve.

In our over achieving world  the pervasive feeling is of fear, loneliness, brokenness, and despair. Why? Because we are called to love and be loved and in our abandonment of God, we have failed to understand what love looks like, smells like, tastes like.  We have accepted a counterfeit, a fake love that seeks it’s own sake, that is judgmental, that is not patient, that can be mean, that is pleasure driven and does not stay the course, but moves on if it does not get it’s own way or God forbid would require a sacrifice.

The intrinsic truth is that we all share in one common purpose and desire: to be loved and love without limitations.  This is no easy feat, for love goes against our fleshly nature which can cry out for what it wants when it wants it.  Yet, I have seen and experienced a level of love that goes outside of what is in our nature. Why would a stranger run into burning towers to save other strangers, I can understand job commitment but that heroism is beyond our capabilities, it requires a supernatural kind of love.

Love requires sacrifice, it has no desire to manipulate us  and love gives itself away not just once but everyday.  I have heard the expression that God is love. But if one grew up without love( by this I mean the kind of love that is unconditional and not dependent on what we can do, or what we have accomplished) then how can we even believe God exists when love has not existed in our own lives?

We know we are called to love and be loved because it is written there on our hearts.  St. Augustine said “Our hearts are restless until we rest in thee”.  What was he talking about? He was talking about these truths, that are truth without having to be taught them, they merely exist and they cry out to us. We will feel the effects of it and it will pull on us until we make a choice, to accept and embrace it or to go on, chasing the counterfeit.   We all need to redefine our understanding of love and friendship.  We are hungry for a love that satisfies and that kind of love is explained in Pope Benedicts pastoral letter “God is Love”.  In a world that will fail us time and time again, let us read our Holy father’s words to inspire us to embrace and live out the kind of love we are all called to and capable of.

So given all of that, how is it that I am pregnant with our eighth child?  Well, oddly enough it began with me  going on a health kick.  I heard about Natural Family Planning or NFP from a friend and my desire to get off of the pill and use a more “natural” way to prevent pregnancy was my primary  motivation to give it a try.  It would be awhile before I learned of the Church’s teachings on birth control and it would be years later before I would discover how I would be called to “serve” God in a unique way through motherhood.

I have to say that one of the worst things about my pregnancies is that I become very emotional.  Being a person who grew up with childhood abuse I am very private about crying in front of others.  I have always disliked how weak and vulnerable I feel.  During my pregnancies I find myself crying over the littlest of things and sometimes for no reason at all.

As far as support we really have none.  We do not have family to support us — my husband family is Jehovah’s Witness (another article!) and my parents divorced when I was a baby.  In fact they have offered my husband money to get “fixed”.  The same offers come from extended family as well.

Whenever we go anywhere it seems strangers have their comments as well. We hear “Are these all yours?” “Your not going to have any more are you?” My two favorites are “What’s wrong with you two, is your television broken?” or “Did you birth them all?”   These persecutions combined with my own selfishness have made the sacrifices required of me difficult to bear at times.  The point I am making is that being open to God’s will has really been a trial for me.

Last night my husband and I were discussing the uncertainty of the economy, our family and lack of work at his firm and how this new baby was going to make our financial situation more stressful.   We started talking about how so many people we know have the great cars, house, boat, Disney World Vacation every year etc.  On the outside looking in it seems like they have so much more than us.  How nice it must be to travel or just to drive a car that does not break down every other month.  It’s easy to start pondering how if we would have had fewer kids we could have afforded private piano lessons.  Then I recalled a man at my husband’s firm.  They had everything.  3 figures a year, gorgeous house, great car, vacations, private dance and piano for the kids.  He killed himself last year.

Last week my husband was at a business meeting with a new client.  The men were introducing themselves and talking about their families.  One of the men from my husband’s firm began to introduce my husband for him and made several derogatory comments about what number child we were on.  At the lunch break one of the new clients approached my husband and showed him pictures of his children, all of which had died.  One was killed in car accident, another drowned and a third died from cancer.  He told my husband he would give anything to go back and have more children.  He and his wife always thought that one day they would be surrounded by grandchildren.  Now, they do not even have children. He told my husband to be proud of his family because he would be.

So why are so many people who did things “right” (according to our culture) so miserable?  Why are their marriages failing? In fact, all of the friends we have that are open to life have strong marriages.  Well it seems the abortion and birth control mentality have brought about a materialistic society that has taken our focus off of the true reason God created us.  The messages of our world and this culture definitely  conflicts with family sizes larger than 2.5 kids.

Pope John Paul II called our times the “Culture of Death”.  In the Baltimore Catechism one of the basic questions are “Why did God create you?”  The answer is to know God, to love God and to serve God so we can be with Him forever in Heaven.    It is important to know that in the beginning God created us male and female.  His first commandment was to go forth and be fruitful.  They key to understanding how to love and serve God is to know how we as women are called to give our own yes in a uniquely different way than men.  We are equal in dignity but complimentary in nature for a reason.

Pope John Paul 11′s teachings on “Theology of the Body” make the point that stamped right into woman’s body is receptivity.  For example, how do we know we are a woman? It is not our elbows right? Okay, so the very parts of our body that convey our femininity are meant to receive man.  Conversely man’s body shows us he is called to give.  (He is also called to receive the gospel but for sake of this discussion we are talking about physical differences conveying or pointing to a spiritual truth).

So we see that stamped into a woman’s body is the unique ability to conceive life in our wombs and bear life into the world.  As Dr. Alice Von Hildebrand writes in “The Privilege of Being a Woman” the finger of God touches woman not just at her own conception but reaches into her womb and touches her again and again each time she conceives life inside of her.   As spiritual mothers our receptivity allows us to receive the word of God, conceive it in our hearts and bear it forth into the world just as Blessed Mother Teresa did.

So I have learned through the years that all women are called to either spiritual motherhood or physical motherhood – sometimes it is both.  Right now I am living my fiat, my yes to God through physical motherhood.  I am still learning about the beauty of exactly what my yes means.  It was through the teachings of Theology of the Body that I began to understand that love must be freely given, it must be totally given, it must be faithful and fruitful.

I began practicing NFP because was following the law if you will.  I was doing it because I had to.  It was church teaching.  I like Christopher West’s analogy that goes like this: If it was not illegal to kill your husband would you?  No, because we love him.  So we are freed from the law and we live our yes out of love.  This is how God is calling us to love one another.

We most visibly accomplish this in the marital embrace.  It is in the consummation of the marital embrace where we are called to freely give ourselves as a gift to our spouse .  When we are open to life we are not only becoming a total gift of ourselves but we have now allowed the fire of the love between us to become a fruitful love. St. Thomas Aquinas writes in his Summa that during the marital embrace the sacramental vows of our faithful commitment are made flesh and that when husband and wife are free from mortal sin the act itself conveys grace into our souls (sacraments are an outward visible sign of the grace that is pouring into our souls which is unseen). Wow! We can actually grow in grace and holiness through the martial embrace as described in Pope John Paul’s teachings!

There is no denying that living my yes has changed my life in a profound way but I never expected it to change me as a person or for it to transform my marriage.  It is clear now that it has.  I am confident that my husband and I have learned to love one another on a deeper and more intimate level because of our yes.  We truly are in love and I am amazed on a daily basis how he could still see me as so beautiful (after 10 pregnancies my body looks a lot different than when we met).  Yet in his eyes, I see that he looks at me.  The person I am, not an object for pleasure or for use.  I am being loved for the first time in my entire life and I would not trade it for any amount of money in the world.

My yes saved my marriage but I believe it has become the catalyst to saving my soul as well.

Copyright 2009 Christina King