As a Catholic stay-at-home mother, here are a few of my own tips and lights on how to stay in contact with God, maintain a consistent prayer life, and add some oil to the lamp on a daily basis.

1. Mass Conversion: Frequently, daily mass is very accessible, particularly if you are a stay-at-home mother. Taking the time to bring your children with you to mass is a wonderful way to add prayer (the highest form!) and receive Christ in the Eucharist. “Holy Communion is the shortest and safest way to Heaven,” Pope St. Pius X once said. Above all, a solid Catholic life relies on the mass.

2. Chapel Time: Stopping in at the nearby parish when you are out and about during the day can be a fruitful practice. Many parishes offer Eucharistic Adoration, and dropping by to spend a few moments with Jesus can do wonders in renewing our soul and reconnecting us to God. There are no rules that you can’t bring your kids along! They will benefit from this time with Christ as well-there is no age limit on grace…

3. Naptime is a Blessing: Often, as soon as everyone is down for a nap or for the night, we go straight to “catch-up” work. Rather than jumping headfirst into a to-do list, use this quiet time for the Lord. Before going to the chores, spend five to ten minutes in quiet prayer, saying the rosary (even if it’s only one decade), reading a few pages from a spiritual book, or going through the day’s readings for mass, or other scriptures. Use this very precious time first and foremost for Christ and then the dishes, rather than putting the house chores before Him.

4. Nursing Holiness: If you have little ones who are still breastfeeding, one of the most fruitful times for prayer is during quiet nursing moments. Frequently, I use this time to say my rosary or the Divine Mercy chaplet, or, in the evening, to examine my conscience. Additionally, this is also an opportunity for reading a Catholic book or a quiet, unscripted conversation with our Father.

5. A Family Affair: Use opportunities throughout the day to make prayer a family event. You could say spontaneous prayers throughout the day for activities or intentions (this is also how we teach our children to formulate prayers to God) or practice many of the wonderful Catholic prayers of the Church. Mealtime prayers, the Angelus at noon, and the family rosary are great ways to start. As a family, we pray aloud the Liturgy of the Hours for morning and evening prayer, have family rosary on Saturday evenings, and read from scripture on Wednesday evenings. Further, praying with your spouse is an important aspect of daily prayer to grow spiritually as a couple.

6. Music for the Soul: One frequently forgotten aid to prayer is music. Saint Augustine said, “singing is praying twice.” It is not uncommon to find music playing at some point in the day at our home. From Gregorian chant to children’s Bible songs, from Catholic hymns to Christian radio, this is one way to keep God in your mind and heart, to raise your eyes up to Heaven for a glance as you go about your day-to-day tasks.

7. Get Out: Finding time to attend a spiritual group is something I have come to cherish and have grown from tremendously. Attending a Bible study, women’s prayer session, or mother’s sharing group is one way to stay focused on God, to find much-needed encouragement, to gain light regarding our apostolate, and to mature in our understanding of the faith. I have been blessed to be involved with groups that allow you to bring your young children or offer a nursery for the older ones.

8. Feastly Celebrations: Take your children on a journey through the Catholic calendar each year. Celebrating the feasts and seasons of our beautiful Church is a splendid way to stay focused on the Lord, while also teaching your children about their Catholic heritage. We have such a rich faith, and in celebrating with the Church all major days and holidays, our life of prayer is enriched, family traditions are born, and treasured memories are created. My favorite books on the topic are Saintly Celebrations and Holy Holidays by Bernadette McCarver Snyder, Around the Year with the Trapp Family by Maria Augusta Trapp, and The Catholic Home by Meredith Gould.

9. Chain of Prayer: I recommend that all mothers join or start a prayer chain with a local parish or group of friends. This is one way that we can have specific intentions to offer prayers and sacrifices for throughout the day. I try to make at least one sacrifice a day for a specific intention from the prayer chain that I am involved with or for intentions I hear about from friends, family, the news, etc. This helps to give me a sense of purpose and the ability to pray outside my box of “the usual” intentions.

10. Sanctify the Day: All that happens and all that is required of us throughout the day is by God’s ordaining, and is meant to confer divine life upon us through our proper use of it. As you meet people along your way, inwardly pray a blessing for them.  Send forth a prayer at the sound of a siren. Have lunch with a friend in need. Talk to God through spontaneous prayer wherever you are: about what your children are doing, the challenges you face, the ordinary events of your days, hurts, disappointments, joys, and thanksgivings. I have found the best way to remain prayerful is to purposefully offer each moment to Christ.  Specifically turn to God and present to him each task before you begin; giving Him every diaper changed, sheet washed, clothing article folded, and tear wiped is a mother’s means to sanctify her day and “pray unceasingly.”

Maintaining a prayer life begins with the realization that prayer is the most important aspect of the day, and then making the decision that you will do it. Make realistic resolutions and stick to them. Perhaps you won’t accomplish all ten of the list above, but even if you add one to your day, it will bless you and your family.



Copyright 2010 Erika Soileau

By extension, I contemplate the fact that our children, though not God, are unique souls entrusted to our care by the Lord Himself. They are our temporary gift and responsibility we have co-created in union with God, placed in our families specifically as part of our vocation. Therefore, we, too, in taking care of our little ones, are performing a definitive service for Christ. When mothers serve their families, they are honoring Mary’s service to the Holy Family. Not only that, our own moments of play, care, healing, and love become our link to God, our connection to Our Lady, our life of prayer.

It will do us well to keep close to our hearts the words of Christ in the Gospels: “Truly I say to you, inasmuch as you have done it to one of the least of these my brothers, you have done it to me,” Matt 25:40 and “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me,” Matt 18:1. Our Lord is telling us that our care of our children will be counted as care of him. Further, in receiving them in their need, we also receive Him, our God. And isn’t prayer that which gives us grace and fellowship with Christ?

Our apostolate is motherhood, so although at times we may be tempted to believe we are not doing enough in the Church or parish life or by way of prayer, our raising up of Godly children is our “ministry.” It is at once an act of service to the Church (since we are raising its future), a direct and continual apostolate for the salvation of souls (each member of our family-including ourselves), and constant spiritual and corporal works of mercy! (These are: To feed the hungry; To give drink to the thirsty; To clothe the naked; To harbour the harbourless; To visit the sick; To ransom the captive; To bury the dead; To instruct the ignorant; To counsel the doubtful; To admonish sinners; To bear wrongs patiently; To forgive offences willingly; To comfort the afflicted; To pray for the living and the dead). In Mary’s Fiat and in the Incarnation, we see motherhood was introduced into the core of the salvific work of God. Mothers continue this work of salvation through their “service of love” (Pope John Paul II, Letter to Women) in the family sphere.

In motherhood, our feminine gift, our self-donation, is placed at the service of the Kingdom of God. Our daily life, as routine or mundane as it may sometimes seem, can be transformed into a life of constant prayer. All we must do is remember who it is we are working for and the many benefits and graces bestowed on us and our children through daily living of family life in accordance with the Church and the Gospel, and in imitation of Our Lady. Our world and our families need maternal hearts. The presence of a loving mother that imbues the virtues of motherhood is, in itself, a testament of to the Gospel of Christ, and a prayer.

Oh, what a blessed vocation motherhood is! It demands that one be constantly serving God by serving others. Being faithful to our daily tasks and care of our children is God’s will, and doing so prayerfully and lovingly is our path to holiness. Moment by moment, maternity creates virtue in our souls as we pour ourselves out for our children, learning peace, selflessness, and mercy. Day after day, we grow in the cardinal virtues of prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance. The Holy Spirit is continually generating and renewing those wonderful fruits of the Spirit: wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord. Truly, we see what a holy vocation we have! Samuel Taylor Coleridge referred to motherhood as “the holiest of all things.” During the drudgery and difficulty, I keep reminding myself of these very truths.

Consequently, at the end of the day, in those few quiet moments when we go to grab our rosary beads and an infant awakens, or the toddler comes in for consoling, or the teenager needs to talk about a problem with a friend, we must remember that this, too, is prayer when performed with loving concern to those given to us, when done in a spirit of love for God, and offered to Him as a direct service for His Kingdom. We are the heart of our home, and with our spouses, we lead our children onward towards Heaven. What greater gift and grace is there?

Copyright 2009 Ericka Soileau

Extended and exclusive breastfeeding, in a nutshell, is remaining physically close to the baby and allowing him/her to nurse and pacify frequently at the breast, to the exclusion of other artificial aids (bottles, pacifiers). Further, in our case, we will allow weaning to occur at the baby’s pace, and plan to continue for up to two years or longer.

Currently, both health organizations and world religious leaders are promoting extended breastfeeding, despite past cultural trends. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) promotes exclusive breastfeeding (no supplements, bottle-feedings, table food, formula, etc) for the first six months of life, and encourages mothers to nurse their babies for at least one year. They issued a strong policy on breastfeeding, stating that breastfeeding alone is not only sufficient, but also best for the infant’s health. Further, they made it clear that no water, other solids or fluids, and no fluoride should be given to the child during the first six months of life. Both United Nations Children’s Foundation (UNICEF) and the World Health Organization (WHO) recommend exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months and continued nursing for up to the second or third year of life or beyond.  In a talk given in 1995, Pope John Paul II recommended breastfeeding to all mothers and stated, “This natural way of feeding can create a bond of love and security between mother and child, and enable the child to assert its presence as a person through interaction with the mother.”

In addition, the American Academy of Pediatricians now states that early feeding of solids does not have a rational basis in health care except in very rare circumstances. Parents continue this practice in hopes that solid foods will keep their babies from feeding as frequently or aid them to sleep through the night. Yet, as most mothers soon find out, this practice is infrequently of any benefit. Additionally, introduction of early solids is certainly influenced by advertisements, insistence of other less informed but well-meaning parents and doctors, the easy availability of baby foods, and the heavy use of formulas and bottles in our culture.

Yet it is current knowledge that breastfeeding provides the best and most appropriate nutrition that an infant could possibly receive. Even the best of formulas is merely a substitute attempting to mimic a mother’s milk. However, it cannot, as breast milk does, adjust daily to meet needs of an infant, mature as the child ages, change throughout the feeding session or adjust in fat content with the introduction of solids.

Other benefits to babies and toddlers include decreased risk of illness, improved immune systems, fewer allergies, and improved cognitive scores and Intelligence Quotient (IQ). Breastfeeding will reduce the risk of deviated swallowing and tongue thrusting in children (necessary for speech), as nursing is the forerunner of speech. The oral muscles necessary to swallow and speak are imperative in preventing later speech deficits, but resorting to bottles and rubber nipples for speedy feedings causes the baby to thrust his tongue to prevent himself from choking. This may lead to improper growth and development of the jaw, facial bones, and muscular tissue of the face.

Extended breastfeeding not only provides nutritional fulfillment, but also emotional satisfaction and pacification of the infant and young child. Breastfeeding helps infants and toddlers to adjust better socially, soothes frustrations and challenges of early childhood, and aids with transitioning to independence at the toddler’s own pace.

The benefits aren’t limited to the child. Mothers gain much in the process! Long-term nursing lowers the risk of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, uterine cancer, and endometrial cancer. Breastfeeding also protects against osteoporosis, rheumatoid arthritis, anemia, hypertension, postpartum depression, and may decrease the insulin requirements of diabetic mothers. Through exclusive breastfeeding, a woman may maintain breastfeeding amenorrhea, which can aid in spacing children. And the big bonus for any new mom: nursing may help in losing weight more quickly!

In a society that often proposes parental non-involvement, more parents are making the decision to promote the physical, emotional, and nutritional benefits of a happily breastfeeding mother-baby couple. Maria Lactans, Our Lady of La Leche, pray for us!



Copyright 2009 Ericka Soileau

Self-donation began with and is rooted in Christ, in God’s gift of himself through sacrifice. “In earlier times God met his people in a covenant of love and fidelity. So now the Savior of mankind…meets Christian husbands and wives in the sacrament of matrimony. Further, he remains with them in order that, as he loved the Church and gave himself up for her, so husband and wife may, in mutual self-giving, love each other with perpetual fidelity. True married love is caught up into God’s love; it is guided and enriched by the redeeming power of Christ and the saving action of the Church…” (Gaudium et Spes, n. 48).

Mutual self-donation exists when husband and wife seek to share one’s life with the other, the identification with one another that this involves, and the sacrifices it entails. Love is sacrifice. Love involves the will, not simply the emotions. “The essence of love is sacrifice. Love that is not willing to pay a price is phony, hollow, an imposter to the throne,” says Fr John Corapi.

Part of the sacrifice required of such clarity is related to the fact that, in marriage, a husband and wife will be together even when they are not at their best. Surely, some disillusionment is possible with this level of intimacy, but this must be counter-balanced by a deepening of love and spiritual life, as well as patience.

Pope John Paul II states, “We love the person complete with his or her virtues and faults and up to a point independently of those virtues and in spite of those faults.” See your spouse’s virtue, and love him for it. See his faults, and love him all the more.

To foster mutual self-donation, married couples must also foster both companionate and romantic love, to be one another’s best friend and greatest lover. This requires spending time with one another as the exclusive theme of interest. Take time to look at one another, into one another’s eyes and souls, and dwell exclusively in one another’s presence. “Superficiality does not fair well for love!” (Alice von Hildebrand). Only in the soul’s depths can serious encounters and unveilings take place. These encounters should not be limited to the sexual sphere. Although necessary, beautiful, and wonderful, this must not be the only common meeting together as persons. Speaking of our day, voicing fears, discussing future plans, praying as a couple, reading meaningful or spiritual books together, sharing mutual interests and activities, and simply taking time to be completely present to one another without distractions are some ways to encourage continued growth as “one flesh.”

In our modern world, with its many demands and distractions, this mutual self-donation is frequently difficult to cultivate. It is often easier to accept the status quo. However, in the sphere of love, we must not concern ourselves with what is easier; but rather, with what is more beautiful! And there is nothing more beautiful than a love based on reality, self-donation, and sealed by the marriage covenant. “By [the husband and wife’s] intimate union of persons and of actions they give mutual help and service o each other, experience the meaning of their unity, and gain an ever deeper understanding of it day by day” (Gaudium et Spes, n. 48).

(This article is based on excerpts from von Hildebrand, A. (1989). By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride. Manchester, NH: Sophia Institute Press.)

Copyright 2009 Ericka Soileau

Advent, the weeks before Christmas, is a time meant to be spent in expectation and waiting. There are many ways to cultivate this time of hope and anticipation for the coming of the Christ-child. The first common practice is the Advent wreath. Crafty families sometimes make their own. We bought ours. The Advent wreath is round, symbolizing God’s mercy and never-ending love. It is made of evergreens, reminding us of God’s “everlastingness,” as well as new life. The purple candle reminds us that Advent is a time to ask for and give forgiveness. The pink is symbolic of joy and hope in awaiting the Infant Jesus. Each Sunday of Advent, as part of morning or evening prayer, one new candle is lit. A nice song to accompany this, or any other prayer time, is “O Come O Come Emanuel.” This hymn beautifully expresses the themes of Advent.

When lighting the Advent candle, one may also take this time to add other meaningful practices. The Gospel of the day can be read or windows on an Advent calendar can be opened (these can be homemade or purchased). Symbols can be added to a Jesse tree (see below), details can be added to the crèche, or the Joyful Mysteries of the rosary can be prayed.

A Jesse Tree is based on the verse Isaiah 11:1: “A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.” The Jesse Tree is hung with ornaments representing the Old Testament people and events, the roots of Jesus. Jesse tree kits can be ordered or the ornaments can be made from scratch. There is one ornament for each day of Advent, and each has a scripture reading. Further, this can be used as a tool to learn more and teach your children about Old Testament figures.

On the first Sunday of Advent, which is the beginning of the new year of the Church, one tradition we hope to cultivate is that of choosing a patron saint for the liturgical year. One could simply each pick a saint for himself, or, for more excitement, each family member selects a saint, which is then placed into a hat. All family members draw their saint for the year at random. This saint can be invoked every morning as part of morning prayer. In some traditions, each person studies the life of their respective saint and at some time during the year, tells the entire family his/her story.

While the hat is out, another nice idea is to have a paper with the name of each family member. Everyone chooses a name (not his own) from the hat, and then has the task of performing daily little surprise favors for the individual they drew until Christmas day (for example, making their bed, picking up their toys, praying a rosary for them-then informing them on a little holy card). The tradition is known as Christkindl (Christ Child),` and the person under your care then becomes for you the little helpless Christ in the manger, so these acts of kindness are done, in a sense, for the Infant of Bethlehem.

One of my favorite customs is the Advent practice of writing a letter to the Holy Child (rather than Santa) mentioning resolutions for the weeks of Advent and listing all gift wishes. This letter is then placed on a windowsill, and the Guardian Angel (or St. Nicholas) will deliver the letter to Heaven and read it to the Infant Christ.

The Christmas crib, a practice dating back to St. Francis, is a common Catholic idea. The crèche and manger scene is set, with an empty crib. Or, some families opt to slowly add figurines and pieces throughout Advent (except the Magi, they come at the Feast of the Epiphany). On Christmas morning, Jesus is placed in his crib, traditionally by the youngest child able to do so. Another way to add to this lovely custom is to keep a bag full of straw. Each evening, after family prayers, each child takes as many pieces of straw from the bag as he has performed sacrifices, prayers, and good works (including those he has performed for Christkindl) during that day in order to please the Infant Jesus. The hope is to encourage the spirit of Christmas giving and love so that Christ has a soft bed upon which to lie on his birthday.

The final week before Christmas (December 17 through December 23) is the time for the O Antiphons. These are brief, scripturally based prayers, based on the titles for Christ revealed in Isaiah. These can be read each evening of this week while lighting the Advent candles; the pertinent scriptures can also be read.

On Christmas Eve, we hope to foster the tradition of reading aloud the Nativity story (many choose to read St. Luke’s account). This is the perfect opportunity for the first chance to sing “Silent Night.” We also want to observe the tradition of waiting until Christmas Eve day to decorate the Christmas tree, and then keep it up until the Vigil of the Epiphany.

The custom of central Europe, France, Spain, and Central and South America is that the Christ Child with his angels, trims the tree and leaves the presents rather than Santa. Some families I know attribute the gifts to St. Nicholas. In Irish families, Christmas Eve begins the lighting of the “Great Christmas Candle,” which is large enough to last the twelve days of Christmas, and is traditionally red.

One way to beat consumerism is to make it a custom to give at least some homemade gifts; this is a very fun way to incorporate young children into the giving of the season. Other families try to give one gift per person in honor of St. Nicholas, and three family gifts in honor of the gifts of the three Wise Men. The family gifts are items that everyone can enjoy, such as games, books, movies, etc.

Spend Christmas day listening to and contemplating sacred and holiday music as a family. Throughout the season of Christmas, until Epiphany, family prayers can be said around the crib and beside the Christmas tree.

A nice practice for Epiphany is to burn frankincense and myrrh, two of the precious gifts given by the Magi to the baby Jesus. In some areas, it is common to inscribe the initials C (Caspar), M (Melchior) and B (Balthazar) above the front door in honor of the three Magi. This is written with blessed chalk, and the initials are enclosed by the year and connected with crosses (for example: 20+G+M+B+09). The letters, in addition to the names of the Wise Men, also represent the Latin phrase Christus mansionem benedicat (Christ bless this house). Additionally, Epiphany the day for taking down the Christmas tree, as the Christmas season ends.

It may not be practical to attempt all of these Christmas customs at once; however, I do hope to try many of them. For families who already have a routine, but are hoping for a bit more ‘Christ’ in Christmas, gradually add customs and rituals to your norm, and plan to retire a secular activity with each sacred one you add.

Here’s to happy and holy holidays! Merry Christmas!


Copyright 2009 Ericka Soileau