If you’re single, or have a family member or friend who may be leading a single lifestyle, please share this article with them and refer them to CatholicMatch.com for additional resources. Today’s article was written by Lariane Bennett of CatholicMatch.com.

I am a very happy single who wants to remain single. Catholics may be familiar with the term ‘celibacy’. Some people live a celibate live, without being or wanting to be a nun or a sister. A lot of modern people living in our current culture don’t understand celibacy or the wish to consecrate oneself to Christ. I get pestered by a lot of good-willing friends with the suggestion I should look into online dating, because as a single, they can imagine I must feel very lonely and sad and left out.

Guess what? I’m not. I am a very happy single, who never feels single, alone or left out in any way. I don’t want to date or look into dating sites. I’m sorry if I sound miffed, but it’s just one of my pet peeves: assuming that one who is a single, must be looking for a relationship. I think the suggestion to send single people stuff they didn’t ask for about relationships and dating is almost offensive, at least it is to me.

If you’re single, or have a family member or friend who may be leading a single lifestyle, please share this article with them and refer them to CatholicMatch.com for additional resources. Today’s article was written by Lariane Bennett of CatholicMatch.com.

I am a very happy single who wants to remain single. Catholics may be familiar with the term ‘celibacy’. Some people live a celibate live, without being or wanting to be a nun or a sister. A lot of modern people living in our current culture don’t understand celebacy or the wish to consacrate oneself to Christ. I get pestered by a lot of goodwilling friends with the suggestion I should look into online dating, because as a single, they can imagine I must feel very lonely and sad and left out.

Guess what? I’m not. I am a very happy single, who never feels single, alone or left out in any way. I don’t want to date or look into dating sites. I’m sorry if I sound miffed, but it’s just one of my pet peeves: assuming that one who is a single, must be looking for a relationship. I think the suggestion to send single people stuff they didn’t ask for about relationships and dating is almost offensive, at least it is to me.

We don’t live in an emotionally healthy society. On the extreme end, there are the statistics of sociologists, child neuroscientists, and criminologists. Emotional health is a continuum that is in flux in each individual. Each age and stage presents its own challenges to the developing person.

Yet often we are expected to be at full maturity before our bio-physiology is ready. This can prompt many to shove the unacceptable emotions further into what appears to be “the past,” with consequences of having unexplainable reactions later on. Laraine gives the perfect answer for the “’eternity-shaped hole in our hearts,” which is Christ alone; God designed us in a way that only He can fill our eternal emptiness. Once we accept this reality and begin the work of personal growth needed for healthy and holy relationships, progress is assured in incremental steps that add up over time to something even more beautiful when God is the center of these relationships.

One of the most important things for parents of young children to remember is that a newborn arrives with an incomplete brain development. Between ages 0-5 almost all of the neuropathways are forming. Child neuroscientists are known to say that “we are who we are by age six,” meaning that by the time we are six years of age our mental patterns are set. This is not to say there can be no healthy changes to one’s personality in adulthood if the first five years had been filled with horrendous, life-damaging circumstances. It does mean that the earlier in life the damage was done, with more frequent situations, and with a reduction of balancing positive elements, the degree of difficulty increases, barring direct divine intervention with miracles. But criminologists can reasonably predict in children between the ages of six and eight, with the presence of variable “red flag” issues, if a child is headed toward crime and prison and if that child will get to those trajectories without adequate intervention.

Especially after revelations from my maternal grandparents about concerns with what they observed in my childhood when I was 28, I am one who has spent twenty-five adult years working on personal growth and recovery from a childhood of much harm. I have had twenty-five years of healing masses, therapy, spiritual growth workshops, countless self-help books, along with dietary adjustments, and incredible amounts of prayer time. I still have core responses to sudden, hostile, intense approach from another person, as well as other life-disruptive challenges. This could be very discouraging if I hadn’t come to a greater understanding of the dynamics involved in childhood PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), sibling abuse, childhood grief, real limitations of parents (mine grew up in the 1930′s and ’40′s when psychology was not a popular term) coupled with the real and overwhelming true needs of every child (my parents had ten in all), and the unique issues of children from large families. Some things just have to be managed while the journey of healing intertwines with the journey of living. In truth, none of us is too anything to love. We are all a work in progress! I can testify along with Lariane that with the grace God shares with us, we can still be loving even before we are perfectly healed. With God, there is always, always good news.