Comments on: An Open Question http://new.catholicmom.com/2009/07/03/an-open-question/ Just another WordPress weblog Wed, 13 Apr 2011 01:09:53 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 By: Nancy http://new.catholicmom.com/2009/07/03/an-open-question/comment-page-1/#comment-2613 Nancy Tue, 07 Jul 2009 02:38:19 +0000 http://new.catholicmom.com/?p=4297#comment-2613 My husband and I have also been asked many questions since our second child. We had a girl then a boy. " Perfect family, you're all done, right?" was the most common response. We ended up having two more boys after that. Some people thought I was crazy for having more than two children, and even more insane for having them close together. (We had four children in five years). I have been talked about, laughed at, and the whole nine yards about my decisions regarding my choices. What some people don't realize is that parenthood is a gift from God, not a right we have. I have been fortunate to have received four gifts from Heaven in my life. The questions still keep coming our way of course. "So, is that it? No more, right?" is still being asked. What people don't realize when saying this is that my faith and God come first in regard to having children. My husband and I just want to do the right things on earth to get into Heaven. We will continue to use NFP in our marriage and try our best to do God's Will. At one point a few years ago, I became bitter and angry at all the comments and insults. Now, for all the people who have an opinion or insult, I just offer up a prayer for them to someday realize what they are saying. It is sometimes hard to live in a society that tells you to have two kids and 'call it quits' as they say. My goal is to live by example and to do God's Will. I have also made the decision to surround myself with people who share the same values and beliefs as I have so there is always a positive feeling around me. My husband and I have also been asked many questions since our second child. We had a girl then a boy. ” Perfect family, you’re all done, right?” was the most common response. We ended up having two more boys after that. Some people thought I was crazy for having more than two children, and even more insane for having them close together. (We had four children in five years). I have been talked about, laughed at, and the whole nine yards about my decisions regarding my choices. What some people don’t realize is that parenthood is a gift from God, not a right we have. I have been fortunate to have received four gifts from Heaven in my life.

The questions still keep coming our way of course. “So, is that it? No more, right?” is still being asked. What people don’t realize when saying this is that my faith and God come first in regard to having children. My husband and I just want to do the right things on earth to get into Heaven. We will continue to use NFP in our marriage and try our best to do God’s Will.

At one point a few years ago, I became bitter and angry at all the comments and insults. Now, for all the people who have an opinion or insult, I just offer up a prayer for them to someday realize what they are saying. It is sometimes hard to live in a society that tells you to have two kids and ‘call it quits’ as they say. My goal is to live by example and to do God’s Will. I have also made the decision to surround myself with people who share the same values and beliefs as I have so there is always a positive feeling around me.

]]> By: Jennifer http://new.catholicmom.com/2009/07/03/an-open-question/comment-page-1/#comment-2594 Jennifer Sat, 04 Jul 2009 02:15:47 +0000 http://new.catholicmom.com/?p=4297#comment-2594 Very few people understand how hurtful and intrusive questions regarding family size can be. NFP users and families with many children receive such rude statements, like: "This is your last one, right?" or "You do know what causes that?" I have had many friends who, upon announcing child number 3, 4 or more get nothing but half-hearted congratulations. And some get flat out rude comments, even from close family! Then, on the flip side, there are couples struggling with infertility. The question, "When are you going to start a family?" can drive a knife through the heart of a woman who just got her period again and is struggling to deal with the disappointment. My husband & I struggled to have our first daughter, then were easily blessed with a second pregnancy, but 5 years have gone by now and we haven't been so blessed again. Most people assume that we're "done", that it was a conscious decision to stop there. They don't know the pain of waiting 5 years for God to say "Yes" but to get a big NO month after month. It is always difficult for me to answer the question, "Are you going to have any more children?" When I say, "I don't know" I usually get the same quizzical stare. And then my least favorite thing in the world is to have that same person come back at me and say, "Well, I'm DONE. No more." How sad, to me, to limit yourself and to limit God's plans for you. In my mind I always want to ask, "Did you get that in writing from God?" For me, it is time to put an end to these questions. If I want you to know my reproductive future, I'll just let you know. Very few people understand how hurtful and intrusive questions regarding family size can be. NFP users and families with many children receive such rude statements, like: “This is your last one, right?” or “You do know what causes that?” I have had many friends who, upon announcing child number 3, 4 or more get nothing but half-hearted congratulations. And some get flat out rude comments, even from close family!

Then, on the flip side, there are couples struggling with infertility. The question, “When are you going to start a family?” can drive a knife through the heart of a woman who just got her period again and is struggling to deal with the disappointment. My husband & I struggled to have our first daughter, then were easily blessed with a second pregnancy, but 5 years have gone by now and we haven’t been so blessed again. Most people assume that we’re “done”, that it was a conscious decision to stop there. They don’t know the pain of waiting 5 years for God to say “Yes” but to get a big NO month after month.

It is always difficult for me to answer the question, “Are you going to have any more children?” When I say, “I don’t know” I usually get the same quizzical stare. And then my least favorite thing in the world is to have that same person come back at me and say, “Well, I’m DONE. No more.” How sad, to me, to limit yourself and to limit God’s plans for you. In my mind I always want to ask, “Did you get that in writing from God?”

For me, it is time to put an end to these questions. If I want you to know my reproductive future, I’ll just let you know.

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