Joy is hidden in compassion. The word compassion literally means “to suffer with.” It seems quite unlikely that suffering with another person would bring joy. Yet being with a person in pain, offering simple presence to someone in despair, sharing with a friend times of confusion and uncertainty … such experiences can bring us deep joy. Not happiness, not excitement, not great satisfaction, but the quiet joy of being there for someone else and living in deep solidarity with our brothers and sisters in this human family. Often this is a solidarity in weakness, in brokenness, in woundedness, but it leads us to the center of joy, which is sharing our humanity with others. Henri Nouwen

The above quote is from one of my favorite authors and I thought of motherhood immediately upon reading it.  This site in particular speaks of compassion – a solidarity of women and mothers.  Over eight years ago I came upon this website and introduced my writings to Lisa and it has been a wonderful adventure ever since.  I have six children and now five grandchildren and lots and lots of stories to share.  It is in that sharing I believe that there is a sense of quiet joy; reaching out to other moms and saying, it’s okay if it’s a bad day or if you are facing a challenge beyond your comprehension because there is a mother out there who knows and understands and is willing ‘to suffer with’ you.

When I was a young woman I wanted to be a mom and not only a mom but the best mom.  After all I had kept notes about what I would not do as a mother every time I got punished or misunderstood as a young child and then of course as a teenager.   I’m sure many of you made the same decision: “I would never do that to my child!!!”   Through my expertise of motherhood I could write a book and better yet books would be written about me and my motherhood.  Then I had children and all that envisioning changed.  My children didn’t realize my perfection in being the best mother in the world because they slowly chipped away and began to make me realize I’m simply a woman who was given the gift of six beautiful special beings and my life was forever changed.   I also became aware of the fact that in my love for them I make mistakes.    There are moments of vulnerability and sometimes the useless feeling that happens when I cannot control life for my children and can only be there in their brokenness and woundedness as best I can be for them.  It is then I realize that motherhood is not just making all the right decisions, it is loving without strings and accepting without conditions both our children and ourselves.

I often think of Mary and her motherhood.  We don’t have a lot of readings about that part of her life when Jesus was young and all that she had to go through.  There’s nothing much as young mothers we can pull from her experience.  We know that she was first challenged when giving him birth and then later when he was lost in the temple.  Most mothers can relate to the joy and pain of birthing whether in our bodies or in our hearts.  And I know most of us have had the moment when our child was not where they were suppose to be and the horror that immediately hits your heart and soul and fear grips your body.  Mary I’m sure experienced every bit of that when Jesus came up missing.  I often thought that perhaps the reason we don’t hear much about Jesus’ life from the time he was twelve until his entering into public life in his early thirties was the fact that Mary had grounded him for twenty years!

I’ve been a mother now going on forty years and I have finally set aside my ‘guidelines’ to being the best mother and accepted the reality of motherhood and all that it brings with it.  There is quote by Edith Hamilton that I read today: Faith is not belief.  Belief is passive.  Faith is active.  As mothers we are faced every day with some kind of challenge.  For me I believe today and tomorrow will be better or can be better; my faith is getting up and facing it.   When we share our stories it brings moms together because out there in this world there is a woman/mother who understands, who is in solidarity with the humanity of womanhood/motherhood.

Copyright 2009 Susan Handle Terbay